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How do I get my boyfriend to spend more time with me and less time catering to his complaing friends
Dating / 1:35 PM - Thursday February 18, 2010

How do I get my boyfriend to spend more time with me and less time catering to his complaing friends

It seems anymore that my boyfriend spends more time catering to his friends than spending time with me. And if he is home all he does is play video games. I'm not one to play video games because I personally don't understand it or get into it so I can't really play with him and watching it gets boring. Is there any way I can get him to spend more time with me without coming out and telling him that he needs to? Also, his friends constantly text him telling him that he doesn't spend enough time with them, but he always seems to be out with them, at work or playing video games. So what can I do?

- Asked by Female, 22-25

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It sounds like you and your boyfriend need to find something in common - something you both enjoy doing together.

Either that, or find a S/O who is more compatible, and who shares your interests.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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Community Rating: Community Star

you cant make yourself a priority to him, he either does or doesnt...but what you can do is make yourself less available to him

so, i would recommend that you go out with your friends, or take a class, start a hobby, anything to occupy your time while he is doing what he enjoys.

once you do that, he will see that you dont "need" for him to spend more time, and he will begin to "want" to spend more time with you.

- Response by sherocks, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Dallas, Internet / New Media

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He is into video games and his friends..2 things you don't share so chances are this relationship is doomed. I would look for someone with more common interests. You can't change a person to what you want them to be. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Hmmm ... I'd say that there is a basic incompatibility of interests here.

How did you get together in the first place, and what did you have in common then?

It is not unusual for people who are college age or younger to continue to "change" as they age. It's natural. But it sounds like you may have "outgrown" him. Your interests are not the same as his, and he seems more inclined to "invest" in the friends of his youth (the past) than in a romantic interest (the future).

This is sad, but normal, and you should expect similar of any guy you date for at least the next 5 years.

BUT, what can you do about this one?

Talk to him. Don't nag, just talk to him as an equal.

Tell him that you enjoy (not "want" or "need") spending time with him. And you want him to have and keep his friendships, because you understand that it's important to spend time with friends.... but (do this carefully), ANY relationship that doesn't get time will die, including yours and you think it needs some more time.

Time that is NOT you watching him do what he wants, but time where you talk to each other and do things TOGETHER that are meaningful to both of you. It could be walking through the mall, it could be taking a drive that is not TO anywhere in particular. Things that bring or keep you close. It is NOT SEX, it is NOT making out. It is doing things together that feed the person you are and want to become, both of you.

If he doesn't understand this, he's not ready for a grown up relationship, and you're wasting your time. If he chooses not to do this, then you know where you stand and if you want more, you are wasting your time.

Personally, if you've been together more than a few months, I think you should move on. That is long enough for the "warm fuzzies" to wear off and for you both to figure out what your relationship needs to "work." It's also enough time to figure if you *should* even be together.

Most relationships you have will not last. They cannot all be "right" for you, unless you are a weak squishy woman who gives in to every guy she's with.

Consider carefully. If you have no future together, then you are wasting your time staying with him. You cannot change him, and you shouldn't even try, it's not your place.

- Response by cd92835, A Career Man, Male, 46-55

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