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My husband wants to visit his family alone, is this okay?
Married Life / 3:49 PM - Tuesday February 16, 2010

my husband wants to visit his family alone, is this okay?

his mom is leaving to go out of the country and he is going to take her to the airport and then visit his family. he is leaving for four days.

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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Why wouldnt it be okay?

- Response by seasons4, A Sportif, Female, 46-55, Financial / Banking

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Community Rating: Community Star

Nope. Sounds like he has plans to cheat.

- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Celebrity

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So why not include YOU? U got leprosy or something?

- Response by rafiki910, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Boston, Body Work

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If that's okay with you, it's okay with me.
My mom would go visit her family without dad about once a year or so. Dad visited his family by himself occasionally.
Do you have reason to suspect something else going on?

- Response by falsehammer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Kansas City, Consulting

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OK, and the problem is.............. Every now and then we (men) like to move without our wives, look at it as a mental break. Nothing personal.

Let him go and ask him how it was when he gets back. Dont make everything an issue. BTW, someone said he is going to cheat......STOP THAT SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!

- Response by handsomedetroitguy, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Political / Government

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I think it s perfectly healthy...for both of you
And, your mother in law will respect you more, due to the fact that you arent possesive or clingy, and support family union

- Response by sailormoon, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Sure. Why would it not be Okay?

If they were just going on a vacation, I'd maybe wonder (a little)... but she is moving out of the country.

There is nothing wrong with having special time to say goodbye.

Just let it happen and don't worry about it. It likely means nothing more than just that. =-)


- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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Unless you know for a fact that he'll be enticed into doing something he's not supposed to be doing as a married man on this visit than why wouldn't it be all right?

- Response by houseworkmakesyaugly, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45

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What's the problem?

My husband and I have been together for 25 years. I've never gone to CT to visit his family but he has many times without me.

It would cost a fortune for all of us to fly (too far to drive) to visit and we would have to stay in a hotel/motel (His family members have tiny houses filled with dogs and cats and my husband and older daughter are allergic.), rent a car, and pay for meals out.

I've "gone home" many times without him because he either didn't have time to go or just didn't want to at the time -like during the 102 degree heat of summer.

It's not a big deal.

- Response by jenny12, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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I think it depends, were you invited but couldn't get the time off work? has he not seen his family for a long time and been as he's out that way is going to see them? Can we have a bit more detail please

- Response by psychoticbabe1, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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I don't see why this should be a problem? (it only becomes a problem when you start listening to those "conspiracy and gossipy" types and you find yourself trying, like they do, to read between the lines that aren't there.)

- Response by canajun, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Vancouver, Self-Employed

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After marriage, the husband's family includes his spouse and children. He is visiting his family alone. It is OK, if he visits someone else, thats matters.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Chicago, Who Cares?

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I think it's okay.
It could be BETTER: if you have a good relationship with his mom then you should be there too.
I think it's necessary if you don't have a good relationship with his mother and if your presence would just add to the stress.
Good luck!

- Response by anteus, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Teaching

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I would love my husband to visit his family alone. It is less expensive for one to go. And his family does not like to talk to me anyways. I am hard of hearing and they talk with ciggys in their mouth or hand in front of their mouth and mumble and I can't understand what they are talking about anyway. I've asked them to please not do that or I can't follow the conversation, they do it anyway. I don't think they want me to figure out what is going on. I am surprised hubby has not said anything because he does not hear well either.

- Response by trishay79, Female, 29-35

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I didn't know that married couples were joined at the hip.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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If my wife had visited her family alone rather than forcing me to go along every time she went home, we might still be together.

- Response by A Rebel, Male, 46-55

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My stepmom is from England and goes to visit her family every year without my Dad... he goes every once in a blue moon. Does your husband just plan it, assuming not to invite you or get your input... if he does, I can understand feeling a little left out of the equation. Or perhaps, you've gone together as a family the last time, and he assumes it's ok not to include you this time? Either way, my suggestion is if you are feeling left out, talk w/ your husband and say "maybe I have things all wrong, but I would have thought I would have been invited too... and maybe next time you can try to include me?" If you are just asking to see if you SHOULD be concerned about your husband going on his own... I'd say no, it's perfectly normal. It all depends on your feelings about it, does it bother you? Then perhaps you need to sit down w/ your husband and express this... Each person/relationship is different- for some this is ok, for some it's not.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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Unless you have some reason to dought him like he's cheated on you then I dont see a problem

- Response by flyinghawaiian56, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Transportation

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No harm no foul. It is fine if your husband gives you the option of going. The wife should sometimes "JUST SAY NO". Loose the attitude when he returns and encourage him to go more often with or without you. He does not have to use his parents as an excuse to cheat if he is going to cheat he is going to cheat with or without you.

- Response by twin2mum, Female, 56-65

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My mother has said that she's appreciated the few times that she's been able to spend with her children without their spouses. Just a little time to be together. Just a little time to reconnect. It's not that she doesn't adore her daughter-in-laws or son-in-laws, but she said she just treasures the little bit of alone time she gets with each of her children.

As a mother, I can see where (when they get married) I might like to have time with my sons without their wives...just time to "be ourselves" to remember what it's like to be "immediate family" without "extended family" in the mix...I can understand my mother's point-of-view.

So, I can understand why your husband might want to go alone on this trip to be with his mom and with his original family unit on this special occasion.

I don't agree with others who see it as an opportunity to cheat...I think it is just an opportunity to be a son/brother without having to wear the mask of husband, too, or worry about whether you are having a good time/comfortable/entert ained/etc. I'm sure he'll appreciate your allowing him to do this without any kind of repercussion...and when YOU want him to return the favor, he'll be agreeable to it.

- Response by kiki812, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Atlanta, Artist / Musician / Writer

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The fact that you're asking tells me that you've probably already seen and at least partially acknowledged some signs of something a bit off in how he's acting. When you get married his family becomes your family and family events like these are actually the ones that you, being his wife, should participate in if you can. The fact that he's blocking you says some things. I would say there's a 50/50 chance he's trying to meet up with someone other than his mom.

- Response by butch007, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 29-35, Philadelphia, Artist / Musician / Writer

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