Back to Home

Active Questions

What do older men mean when they say they want a break?
Dating / 12:51 AM - Sunday February 14, 2010

What do older men mean when they say they want a break?

We've been going out for 3 months and half, get along well in and out of the bedroom and see each other often in the weekends and 1 or 2 days during the weeks. We had some talks today about his lacking of reply to my texts during the weeks which I was rarely texted, I said if we could call and say hello 1 or 2 minutes during the weeks that will be good since I need more mentally connected by talking to each other to share our days, then he started to say that that is how he is, too busy, maybe he is not ready ( divorced 4 years ago), he wants to make me happy but it seems he can't and we should take a BREAK..Instead of work thing out or at least tell me where he stand or he will try or anything he wanted a break. I said I do not want to take a break because it seems that we are broken up, he sent me email later and said 'I still think it is the right thing to do, for us to take a break'. I sent him my message said that I respect his decision and thank you for good times and I will always miss him and hope things will work out for him. I gave him his break and I will not contact him again

He is over 50 and generally a easy going person. He was really into me and we had a respectfully relationship where we both honest and had great times. I should tell him when I see him better than talk over the phone

Do you think I asked too much?, when a older man said he wants to take a break, what does it mean? does he wants to end our relationship? does he need time?, are we over?

Please help

Update: February 14, 2010.
I'm so graceful for your advices here I forgot to add that he said he just feels pressured and sent me an email later said "I still think it's the right thing to do, for us to take a break" when I asked him to think about it because I do not want to take a break rather going steady, I also asked him if we could meet on Sunday instead of Sat night because it's Valentine's Day and he said he is busy with his kids etcc, just a lame excuse since we always left them home alone (they're old enough 17, 18 to be home alone), this added on to the 1 or 2 minutes connection pressured issue, he didn't want to take me out for VD day and maybe he wasn't ready for the L world which is fine because we just met and maybe he feels uncomfortable to see me since we started out and having a good relationship so far until he called it a break. Even things were going well as far as I saw it but he ended just over a conversation and he didn't give me any options. He maybe sees someone else, who knows, everything is possible!, If we couldn't have that friendship then why would we want to be in a relationship for?. Maybe he is not that into me but his actions told me otherwise that he cared and he was a gentleman and no hidden agenda, I'm 52 year old and I can read people's actions, not well at words. But maybe I failed this time :-( Anyway, I will give him want he wants and move on with my life and I still think what I asked for 1 or 2 minutes connection phone calls/texting during the weeks is not too much to ask to develop more mentally bonding. I have no regret when I walk away from this relationship, the one I thought it could be the great one for me because we both thoughts we fit in together like a puzzle:-( Thank you

- Asked by Female, 46-55

Read more about the Rating System


It means the same thing at 50 or 60 that it did at 20 or 30... he wants out with no drama.

I am just telling you the truth. He is done.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Technical

Rating Received:


No you didn't

I have been exactly where you are.. I dated a guy just like this. we would see each other on weekends which was fun, we might get together a night or two during the week.. which was also fine. I am not needy clingy see you everyday kind of girl BUT like you I needed a daily phone call or text.. just a simple connection.. otherwise I was starting to feel like a booty call.. this is NOT too much to ask.

I figure out over time a few things.. if the guy is really crazy about you this is a simple thing.. the "this is the way I am" excuse is just lame.. Relationships are about compromise. You didn't ask him to sell his prized Harley.. you asked for a simple connection.. if he cared that's easy.. people do what they want to do and what they are motivated to do.

I don't want to hurt your feelings but he just was not that into the relationship.. it sounds like he could take it or leave it and when you gave him an out he took it, if he bails THAT easy on a simple request is this really someone you want for the long haul? You can't see it now but he did you a favor, he showed you the kind of guy he is and the extra mile is not something he cares about (not now anyway)

Its hard but you deserve to be heard and you will find a guy who respects who you are and will accommodate simple requests and vice versa but if someone can't be bothered to pick up a phone for a few minutes a day for someone they love (or strongly" like but have NO problem devoting and hour to a favorite sport or TV show what does that say about the view of the relationship.

You were not wrong.. know that.. but he showed you who he is.. Believe him and think of all the time he saved you and future frustration.. good luck, you will find a guy who gets this is not a big deal and in my opinion its simple basic respect and consideration.

If it were reversed you would have been fine and probably not batted an eye.. he is acting selfish, which again, as I said, is showing you who he really is

One other thing.. you dated a short time.. the first three months you are NOT dating that person but there best behaved "respresentative" now the "honeymoon" phase is petering out.. the true colors always emerge.


- Response by smartblond, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Charlotte, Self-Employed

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

He means the same thing a younger man means. that he feels pressured and wants a break. That doesn't mean you have pressured him, just that he feels pressured. Give him his break, by all means. Especially don't have sex with him, if you need mental connection first- most normal people do need that, its not unusual. And giving him sex without getting what you need teaches him that he can push the envelope and take you for granted.

I have sisters closer to your age and I really get sick of how they are treated sometimes.

- Response by justchuck998, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Atlanta

Rating Received:


Same as if he as if he were 25, Best to stay away from him. Sorry.

- Response by foreal, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


My lady I would interpit that as he wants out of the 3 month relationship because in his mind its just not working between you two and these things happen if your apart to long or he found someone else to be with or why would he doing this to you right at this time, ODD!! Some men use women for their pleasures and then when thy are finished with you, it take a brake time???Never be taken for granted or be second to no-one ever?? YOU are over Sorry !!Love will find you again but a better love next time!!

- Response by ptawillis, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Medical / Dental

Rating Received:


First of all....If that is what YOU need to be comfortable and happy.....THAT is what you need.....why change, second-guess, feel guilty over, something that means comfort and security to YOU.
It doesn't matter how old the guy is....he is obviously not thinking of what makes YOU happy, so I guess someone better.....preferably YOU.
I think what this guy lacks in relationship skills will only become more apparent and glaring the longer you are with him, and I predict one day you are going to wake up with an even OLDER man, who you have wasted a lot of time with, and realize "hey, he's just not that into me"!! Sooner now than later sweetie. Spend your time productively not REACTING to how some one treats you. You deserve better.

- Response by skinscience1, Female, 46-55

Rating Received:


Everything may have been going good for you, but he may have felt smothered. I realize there is no way to know everything that went on in the relationship, but based on his suggestion that you take a break, tells me that things were moving to fast (for him). He is probably not sure about a serious relationship with you, and wants to pursue another woman or two. Don't feel bad about it, just start dating other men and don't get serious too quickly. Get to know the guy, talk about what you're looking for in a guy and relationship, and fun before you start having sex. Make sure you're on the same page. Be true to yourself and especially make sure you have a life outside of your relationship with him. Balance is key.

- Response by thegoddess, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, San Jose, Student

Rating Received:


You ask about an "older man." Your situation has nothing at all to do with the age of your guy - nor his gender. When your boyfriend or girlfriend tells you that he or she wants "a break," it means that they are not sure that you are the one for them and they are looking elsewhere. This is probably painful, but it is best for you to accept that you will not have a long term relationship with him. "We should take a break" means that he is too weak to be honest with you and tell you that it is over. I'm sorry that it didn't work out, but you must move on now . . .

- Response by findmike, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older, San Jose

Rating Received:


when they say they need a break-
they are saying they want to break it off-they want to date other women
they don't want to see you .simple.

- Response by blessedone923, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

Rating Received: