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Active Questions

Dating and unemployment
Dating / 2:57 PM - Sunday February 07, 2010

Dating and unemployment

Do you think men get turned off when a female is unemployed because they feel they are needy or will be a liability for them?

- Asked by nv12, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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In today's world, I think you are quite right. At one time, it would never have been an issue. Women did work, but then after marriage they'd work long enough to save for a downpayment on a house, then a downpayment on furniture, etc., but most of them were not career women.

It's a whole new world out there, and in today's world, you are quite correct.

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

I think that is a great question. I think, for men, the reason of unemployment might be very important. If a women is just choosing not to have a job, they might consider the women needy or a liability. However, if they are in a situation where they cannot be employed, the man would probably look at it different.

What do you think about this question?

- Response by christinfusion22, A Hippie Chick, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Only a certain calibre of men would lose interest in the event a lady lost hrt job.
If youre not living together, hows it going to affect him?

Well, I would hope he wouldnt get turned off, stressful enough to lose a job

- Response by dreamspinner, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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Employment status is irrelevant. How she conducts herself while unemployed is everything... If she appears to be looking for an out for her financial responsibilities and he is feeling like a convenient wallet, then yes this would be a turn off...

- Response by siouxzen, A Career Woman, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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Yes I do. Men and women both don't want someone who isn't making money. Life's expensive and men don't want to go broke paying for themselves and another woman unless they're married to her and make enough to comfortably support the family on one paycheck.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?

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I would think it shouldn't matter but I have a friend who is trying to date and the fact that she is unemployed seems to matter quie a bit to the men she meets.

- Response by destinyseeker, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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I don't think that way. I think especially in this economy, you can't blame anyone not having a job. But prior to that, even, I didn't care. As long as she had some goals in life. Nothing in the world is more deflating than when you ask a girl what she wants to do with her life and she just shrugs.

- Response by zerotohero2, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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I agree with Zero. At a time like this, a man should be understanding. In my opinion, it shouldn't matter. Everyone is down on their luck at some point. However, a woman who lacks ambition would probably have a harder time attracting a decent man, unless he too has no ambition.

- Response by kizzy75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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No. Especially these days.

- Response by timeforanoverhaul, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Managerial

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Men who got turn off by the woman's employment status is a wimp in my book. And then there are some women just never have any goals in their life except finding a finacially secure by marry men for money.

While he is dating her, if a man is smart enough to see through the woman's mind and see if she has a positive out look on life, never give up with her dreams and wants to be together to build a life then he should put his investment on that potential mate, the *ready-to-go* women can promise the mutual long term relationship but there is no guarantee her bad times never arrive in difference forms.

When I started to talk about my business dreams on dates, most men ran away, ha ha. They didn't see if I talk about my dreams which means I want to work together with that special man to build a life, not just want him take care of me. They can't even afford me to staying home and be a home maker, wtf!. My current man is difference, he knew my situation ( I told him from the start that I'm broke, seriously) and he is still with me, likes my business plans, listen/support and things are going very well.

Bottom life is, I don't care if they look me down/turn off if I'm unemployed because I know I have my goals and I will be there...without them to join me.


- Response by azianchemistry, A Player, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Who Cares?

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Not so much in this economy.... Many are "between jobs" right now. What would be the turnoff is should it continue beyond a reasonable time OR if she does become a sponge.

- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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It depends on if she is coming off as if she's expecting a handout or not. Men actually don't mind supporting a woman and if they have the means they naturally enjoy taking care of a woman, as long as she's not only dating him for his job and money, which faaar too many woman today ARE doing.

I tell many women that I either don't have a job or make about half of what I make to see how they respond...nearly ALL of them never call back or don't want to get together again.. they fail the test over and over proving that they, as many have admitted...don't give a shit about the man at ALL and could care less and that they're nothing but PURE materialists through and through, completely shallow and empty.

Men on the other hand generally like to take care of their wives, something women DON"T get...again, as long as shes' not DEMANDING more, more, more and he has to work 3 freaking jobs just because she wants everything in sight. This is nearly totally opposite to most women today who even if they make more than a man, STILL expect the man to pay for dates, the house, kids, entertainment, insurance, food.

'My money is MINE and your money is OURS' is a common statement I've heard many make...then they wonder why relationship quality is at an all time low and divorce is at an all time high.

- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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Reality Check:

As to being a housewife, having a family, no one does it anymore, not on one paycheck. Those days are gone.

And women: Please understand. Even if you do get married, and have a family, and can manage somehow for a period of time to live on one check, be advised that you will not ALWAYS be a wife.

Husbands find other women, husbands die. Even in a perfect marriage, you will outlast him, statistically.

Men expect women to be able to take care of themselves. Blame the "Women's Movement". Men used to think in terms of having wives and families and supporting them. It used to be the honorable, responsible thing to do, having a family. No longer. We women have done it to ourselves, and men like THEIR new freedom that WE have given THEM.

I'm just sayin'. It's different than it used to be. Best be ready to take care of yourself, and don't expect anyone else to. Even if you do marry, there is no guarantee that your husband won't have something happen (illness, mid-life crisis, abandonment), and you will have to be the breadwinner.

The sooner you learn this, and get educated in something that interests you and doesn't feel like work, the happier you'll be, you'll have your own life, and men will respect you for it.

Versie vicie, guys. Just in case you're not paying attention, here.

- Response by naiveladyquestions, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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The truth is that men will love and respect you more when you are employed?

- Response by appleangel, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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employment is only for a period of time. and so is unemployment. i look at a person's character when dating.

- Response by jasonplantation66, A Creative, Male, 29-35, Portland

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Possibly, especially is she has children, is in a lot of debt, or talks all the time about being broke/needy.

- Response by experience101, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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- Response by guitarplayer2010, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Men are totally afraid to go out with someone who's unemployed. The first question they ask me is "so how do you support yourself and drive such awesome car"! My initial response is "well I was hoping you would pay it for the next couple of months"! Once they get over the initial shock....I tell them that I'm not looking for a Sugar Daddy- that I'm financially stable, at least until 2011, and they keep dating me....because I'm cute, fun, love
Sports and don't eat much....LOL! Best Wishes

- Response by beavoyage95, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55

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The immediate difference is between women who can't versus won't pay for dating expenses (which isn't really a difference) but the unemployed woman carries the risk she will be homeless and pressuring the guy for a free place to stay. An unemployed woman is also much more unstable, likely to pack up and move so any investments of time, money and a guys heart is more likely to end up not paying off. If I were looking on a dating site I would restrict my search to women who have a job.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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I believe that to be true because there have been a few guys I met, who thought that because I was in school, I wasn't working and when I told them I went to school full-time and worked part-time, they seemed to have more interest in me because they thought I was a real men may like to take care of their woman but I think that for many men, having a woman who works is more attractive than one who doesn't...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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That depends totally on the woman AND the man, don't you think? Personally, it wouldn't bother me if the woman didn't "present" herself as needy (that is, she truly isn't needy). Unless the guy is into dual income and can't see past that and look into a woman's heart, then SOME men would be turned off, but they might be Shallow Hals. :) Seriously, he couldn't ever be unemployed? Frankly, one of the issues I have with dating is that gals project quite the opposite today, i.e., I don't need a man, I don't need you or your income...I'm independent. Sadly, that kind of independence typically breeds relational independence as well, and often it means a short-lived relationship. I think it's ok to want as well as need some things, quite different from being needy or greedy or wanting it all. And lastly, everyone is going to be "needy" at some point, if they live long enough, and most often it is a loving woman caring for a sickly guy. Ok, enough rant! Best wishes, Thom.

- Response by topcat1973, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Cleveland, Technical

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My boyfriend said he would never date a woman without a job, because it means they are either lazy or want a man they can use (for their money) to get whatever they want. I somewhat agree. If a woman doesn't have a job she better have a pretty good reason, because I know I myself would never date a man without a job because I would NOT want to support him fully.

- Response by ashleycountry, Female, 22-25, Hospitality

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probably not for "most men". as that would give the woman more time to give him sweet lovin! haha.. er i mean... um... most men have it hard-wired into them to be the protector and provider anyways. in this economy, it'd put a helluva strain on the relationship w/ only 1 income but i think men are more forgiving than that. i get the impression though that if it was the man who was unemployed, that the woman would dump their ass in a heart beat... whether i think that because it happened to me specifically or not, i'll never tell! wait, what? ;-)

- Response by dudemcguy, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Student

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- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55

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