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I think i'm still in love with my ex husband...??
Married Life / 10:30 AM - Friday February 05, 2010

I think i'm still in love with my ex husband...??

My ex husband and I met in July 2007, married in June 2008, seperated in November 2008, then were off and on for 6 months or so and then I moved 300 miles away for work and we completely ended it. Our divorce was finalized 3 months ago. I have a daughter, but she wasn't his, so now there is no communication between us. We fought, a lot, for hours, at least 2-3 days a week. Over everything. I used to think it was all his fault and that he was just horrible. But when I look back, I realize that I was pretty uptight and a lot of it was my fault. Neither of us were faithful towards the end of end and to be honest I gave up long before he did. Well, now, I'm in a stable relationship with my new live-in boyfriend. He is a great guy, he is very good to me and my daughter. But, no matter how hard I try, I can't seem to shake my ex husband off. I think about him daily, not always good thought, usually it just makes me feel hurt. SometimeS I dream about him, but its always about me kicking his new girlfriends a**. I just want to know if this is normal feeling to have after a divorce or do I still love him, or hate him? I can't go on like this and it certainly isn't fair to my boyfriend (who knows nothing about these feelings)... Please help...

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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It is normal to look back and glamorize a relationship that was not good for us and good that
you know you had a part in it. Focus more on the bad things and learn from them. You really
are just grieving the loss of a dream rather than your ex. Dont cry tears in the review mirror
and learn to problem solve for the future. When you yell and fight, your partner, child
whoever will never look at you and say hey you are right.. they just get hurt.. so learn and go forward, you can do it.. you are young.. Be strong and let go of your past.. been there girl..

- Response by nbtt, A Sportif, Female, 36-45, Body Work

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Do you think your ex might feel the same way? My personal opinion is that if you got back together, after a while the fights would definitely start again and it's not good for your daughter to grow up hearing adults arguing. I'm a teacher and have seen the effects of this first hand. However, if you really think that in this short time you have both matured enough to discuss your issues instead of argue about them, then I would try.
It sounds like because your new boyfriend is so good to you, you find it a bit boring and are longing for the excitement/drama of your previous relationship. Also, it's kind of the 'want what you can't have' thing.
Try your best to move on from him, or if you are unhappy in your current relationship and are just seeking a way out, break up with him instead. Think about your daughter. She deserves a happy, calm and stable home environment. It doesn't sound like your ex made you really and truly happy.

- Response by nextsteps, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Teaching

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My guess is you miss the drama. Now that you admit it is not all him, you want to do things over. Honestly it sounds like your relationship is damaged and not worth going back too. I say embrace the good man in your life and let the past be the past. Go forward, not back.

- Response by lk2mvit, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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Girl, you nee to slow down and cool your jets. You've done more in 3 months than MOST ppl do in a lifetiem. FOCUS ON YOUR CHILD AND STOP THINKING ABOUT YOURSELF!

- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Celebrity

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You know what? It really sounds like you have grown a lot since then and you need some closure. Not that you necessarily are still in love with him, but you care and need to express some things to him and then agree to move on. It sounds like you are in a great place now with a great guy. There is nothing wrong with that. If it helps you, why not write him a letter or send him an email? You were married after all and having nice closure may help you both down the road.

- Response by beenaroundmom, Female, 46-55

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sounds like you still have resentment and bad feelings over everything that happened... it's probably not still love for him... but then again, you did love the dude enough to marry him so... all in all, you should probably just focus on you, your daughter and the new guy... and if you get a weekend or whatever off work, go beat the ex's girlfriends ass, that'll also make you feel better! :-D actually, now that i think of it, it could be some form of unconscious jealousy or something towards his new girlfriend. i dunno... you could always try getting some counseling or something.

- Response by dudemcguy, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Student

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It sounds as if your relationship was rocky to say the least. I think it's best to let the past be the past and move on with your life. It sounds as if your new boyfriend is good to both you and your daughter and that's huge! You may want to consider counceling to explore why you are having trouble putting you X behind you. It's not healthy for you or your daughter if you can't move past him.

- Response by Female, 36-45, San Antonio, Who Cares?

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