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How do I tell him I need space without him thinking that I want to leave him?
Dating / 2:44 PM - Wednesday February 03, 2010

How do I tell him I need space without him thinking that I want to leave him?

I have been wanting to focus more on my priorities. Right I've also been looking for another job and have been stressing about somethings. I enjoy being with him and we have a good time when were out. I have other things I need to do and I don't know how to ask him for space. He automatically thinks asking for space or a break for him means that I want to break up. I feel that there comes times when you feel suffocated in a relationship and is not necessarily because of the person is just things that are happening around you.I want to ask for space but not break up. When I bring this up he freaks and thinks I want to break up. How should I bring up the conversation? Please Help.

- Asked by An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28

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Maybe try explaining to him what you explained to us so well? That you're under a lot of stress and have a lot to do during the day looking for a job that at night you're just exhausted and need some down time.

Maybe we could see each other on the weekends for a couple weeks? Just till I'm rested up a little? I'm really really tired and this not having a job is getting to me. I hate that I can't give you the time you deserve when I'm this tired so I would really love it if I could see you on Saturdays and Sundays for a couple weeks?

Something like that. Don't even MENTION space.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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Asking for SPACE, those dreaded words! Instead of asking for space tell him you need to bring more balance to your life. Here's the deal unless you're married there is no reason why the two of you need to spend all your free time together. You both should have other interests in life! So make time for both. You can do this without asking for space all you need to do is rearrange your schedule that affords you to focus on other things. Just make sure you are keeping the lines of communication open.

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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First off don't label it as a break or needing space.

Say instead, work and ??? are taking up all of my free time so I won't have time to hangout with you AS MUCH AS ID like too for two weeks or a specific date. (must be a specific date ) ask him to plan something special for after that specific date.

Adding in a specific planned date at a much later time tells him you are interested in him.

If you leave out the part about I will be on X day it will come off as you are breaking up with him but want to string him along incase the new guy doesn't work out.

- Response by jjcabin, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Washington, DC, Technical

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Be pleasant and direct. That's all you can do.

- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Celebrity

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Everyone feels suffocated from time to time. But, if he isn't outright blocking you from spending time on your resume, or playing sports, volunteering, etc., why aren't you defending yourself better?

ie: "I can't go out with you on Tuesday, I have baseball, remember?" "I can't watch that show, I'm working on my resume".

If you've done this, and he just doesn't respect the portions of your life that aren't "him", then breaking up seems the best bet.

- Response by trawna, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Toronto, Consulting

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You don't have to 'tell' him so much as you can show him. When you need to do things, don't make plans with him. Let him know you can't because you have to do this or that. If he frets, reassure him that you are getting behind in plans and need time to do things to better yourself which ultimately betters the relationship so you can't be under him all the time.

I think he'll be more understanding when you reassure him you are not leaving him and it has nothing to do with him. Perhaps he'll come to enjoy the time apart so that he can do things he's inevitably put to the side as well.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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You are leaving him. Its hard to tell him that without him figuring it out.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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