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He broke up with me and wants to be friends. Should I?
Dating / 2:49 AM - Tuesday February 02, 2010

He broke up with me and wants to be friends. Should I?

I was with this guy for a little over 6 months. And now, he tells me he doesn't have feelings for me anymore possibly because he started talkin to this girl of his past who is now engaged to someone else and suddenly decided to get in touch with him. During this time, he went all sad and realized he doesn't feel for me anymore and so broke up with me. He says he doesn't want to lose me and wants to be friends. I don't want to be his friend but I can't stop myself from talking to him even after the breakup. We would talk every night before sleeping for hours when we were together and it is still happening now, although we are not together. And during these phone calls, he remembers our past times spent and tells me how he will miss me, how he does miss me, and how he misses me being with him in bed and with him. He says he can't get back with me although I have never even asked him to get back, he says it himself. He is a very egoistic and moody guy. At times, he can be so cruel and harsh and when he realizes it, he comes and tries to make it better. He claims that he cannot see me sad or mad at him and that he cares for me alot. So what is the deal with his feelings, how did he lose them, did he ever have them in the first place? I have never felt so helpless, I can't even help myself. I know the right thing to do is to break off all contact with him but I am just not able to do that. We both say we will not talk to eachother for a while and we talk the next day. I am just so confused. I love him alot and I can't bare all this. I did everything that he wanted and I inflated his ego enough. I don't know what to do. Please help! :(

- Asked by somestep88, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Toronto, Student

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Run, run as far as you can... When something is made easy for us we attach ourselves to it. You make it easy for him. "Friends", is just an excuse to keep an option open...
You inflated his ego, what did he do for you? You sound more miserable than happy. Go out and have some fun. Good luck!

- Response by collywobbles, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Johannesburg, Other Profession

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It looks like he is just using you. He has got you right where he wanted. He probably knows you can't move on is taking advantage of that. You know what you need to do and sooner or later it will come down to that. You just have to decide if you gonna call it off now or in a few months when you really had enough. You gonna have to move on eventually. If you keep talking to him you gonna hold on to something thats not there. Go out with the gals or ur guy friends. Show him you don't need him. He will know what he missed out on. Plus you deserve better. Good luck women.

- Response by lostmum88, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 26-28

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Ah oxytocin. It never ceases to amaze me how woefully clueless people are of its properties. 6 months is even the average time it lasts. xD
Do some research on it. It's a chemical in the brain that makes you feel good or 'in love' when you're around your significant other. It runs out on average after about 6 months. Many people always believe that their relationship is bad at that point or that it means that they don't have feelings for the person anymore. Tell him that if he gets with someone else, he'll probably feel the same as he does with you now after around 6 months. Or heck, don't say anything. Just hand him a page on that chemical. :P


- Response by madrman, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 22-25, Los Angeles, Student

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My lady I know that this has to be heart breaking for you for a love of his long ago has come back in his life but you said that she had a another guy?? He is having thoughts of the past and she is going to hurt himm or her fiancee will hurt him if he finds out that they are talking again? I have gone through this just recently as a old love long ago came back into my life and telling me that she is still in love with me and wants me but she is married as I am , confused right now but you tell him now or not at all and she will hurt him and he will come crawling back to you and dont let anyone do that to you !!Never be taken for granted or be second to no-one ever!!

- Response by ptawillis, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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