Back to Home

Active Questions

Sending flowers - good idea or too much too soon?
Dating / 10:16 AM - Tuesday January 26, 2010

Sending flowers - good idea or too much too soon?

Hello, thanks in advance for your help. I met a girl a few weeks ago while visiting another city on a road trip, and we had a fun night together, and then have been in touch fairly regularly since, mostly via emails and texts. We're both in our late 20s. I live 4 hrs away, and we've talked about getting together again, but we have not yet. Its her birthday in a few days, and I thought it might be nice to send her some flowers, just a good opportunity to make a nice gesture. Is that weird? Too much too soon? The other tricky element is that I do not know her home address, so to send them, I'd have to send them to her work (she emails me from her work account). (She is an engineer at a small-medium sized company in an industrial park type setting). I flip-flop between what I should do. I mean, I really WANT to do it, but I don't want her to think its too clichee, or weird, or embarasses her at work maybe? Alternatively, I could wait til Valentines Day, when getting flowers at work seems a bit more normal. But it would be neat to do something for her birthday. Anyways, your opinions are much appreciated. Especially from the female perspective! Thanks.

- Asked by Male, 29-35

Read more about the Rating System


Hi

Men find it really difficult to hear advice that goes against what they think they should do. We'll this is one of those but I'm only trying to help. All that I ask is that you just consider what I am going to say.

First of all, there is no need for you to date a girl that lives 4 hours away. I am sure that there are plenty of beautiful women in your city, in your suburb, in your neighborhood that you could date and that would be a lot closer. Long distance is a relationship killer.

Secondly, you just met this girl. Gifts, including flowers, are for girlfriends and wives. You really have not established anything that warrants a gift. You've only gone out once and have communicated electronically. When a man gives flowers, it's a big deal since they're reserved for that special someone in his life. One date does not put her in that category. If you really want to send her something, buy a birthday card and mail it her and nothing else.

Alright, if you are determined to court this girl, pick the phone and make a date with her. Talking on the phone, texting, emailing will only serve to put you in the friendship category, so don't do it. If you continue to do this, she will soon start telling about romantic interludes she's having with other men in her city. You don't want to be the "friend." Make sure you make a concrete date and not a just "hanging out" date or group date in which all her friends show up. It should be just you and her. It has to be clear to her that you're both on a date.

I hope this helps and good luck to you : )



- Response by falling, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles, Teaching

Rating Received:


send her something simple and sweet,

thoughtful yet not pretentious

flowers are always nice but esp. this time a year.

they are nice to have around

- Response by morningdust, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

It's never too soon to send flowers. I wish more people did that.

- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Celebrity

Rating Received:


I think you should wait a bit.

The desire to send them will not go away, so it will still be exciting later.

Remember that if you are not sure, it is always better to wait because you don't have to feel like 'taking it back' if it doesn't go the way you had thought.

It is better to build up attraction with more frequent small gestures than one larger gesture.

If you want to do something for her birthday and you have only been 'dating' for a few weeks, consider something more private and make her really want you with it.

I.E. What is one thing she really likes about you (she should have mentioned a few things by now)? If it is your talent in something specific... do something with that and give it to her privately as a birthday present.

Once you are dating strongly and exclusivly, that's a better time to give a more 'public' gift that she wouldn't have to explain. =-)


- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

Rating Received:


Not weird at all!!!!! Valentine's is cheesy...just send them today or you can wait until her birthday. As a note, ask them to send her a spring bouquet in a vase. Those are always abundant in color and last the longest!

- Response by msgg, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Managerial

Rating Received:


Flowers on her birthday, sent to her workplace is very thoughtful.
I think you sound like a wonderful guy. Good luck.

;)

- Response by gettinslim45, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


I think flowers are a great idea. Just don't send something either too showy or too small. It's best to stick with something mid range. And her birthday is much better than waiting for Valentine's Day.

- Response by abitspoiled, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


I vote with Falling!

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

Rating Received:


mmm well if it was me the girl, i would like it.

- Response by pixy1717, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Montreal

Rating Received: