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What do people mean when they say someone is "out of their league?"
Dating / 2:55 PM - Monday January 11, 2010

What do people mean when they say someone is "out of their league?"

I've heard people say this, but have never quite understood it. Don't get me wrong, I completely understand that I'm not every woman's type, but I've never thought of any woman as being out of my league.

Is it just me, or does "out of my league" sound alot like low self-esteem?

- Asked by rokitman, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer

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BINGO!!!!

NAILED IT in one!

out of my league is just a lame wussie way of saying I'm too ugly/fat/stupid to EVER get a girl like THAT.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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I can be self-esteem. It can also be realistic. For instance, Vanessa Hudgens is definitely out of Michael Moore's league.
It's not necessarily about looks. For instance, anyone with an IQ above functional retardation is out of Paris Hilton's league.

- Response by falsehammer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Kansas City, Consulting

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If you were a handsome bastard but a home town farm boy and the girl you were interested in was a rich jet setter,

then your out of your league buy, get it?

You could not provide her the life style she grew up in and is accustomed to.

Yours is the home town league and her's is the world league.

May not have anything to do with looks!

I am not talking about the Quasi motto league and the Victoria Secret Model league!

Ok, Get it now?



- Response by rafiki910, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Boston, Body Work

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The definition of being out of someone's league is actually quite simple. Some people may characterize it as not being good enough or not being rich enough to date that person, but I think that's a rather rudimentary way of looking at it.

Being out of someone's league is not having the same interests and same expectations as someone else. If I'm dating a woman that has high expectations and is excepting the best, when we go out to eat, she may want only caviar and Kobe beef; whereas, I would be happy with grade "B" beef, mash potatoes and gravy. This example personifies someone that is out of my league.

Basically what I'm trying to say is if you're expectations are high, you're going to want the best and nothing less. If you're dating someone that would settle for less than you would, then you're out of that person's league.

I don't think that this has anything to do with low self-esteem. It's actually a somewhat decent way to decipher who you would like to date. I think people really have a misconception of what that really means. I mean, if you say that a woman/man is out of your league, it just means you guys are into different things and have different expectations. What you want out of life doesn't make your life worth more or less. When you start putting a price on your esteem, that's when you have problems.

- Response by holidaystyles, A Career Man, Male, 26-28, Philadelphia, Student

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It is low self esteem, but sometimes its a valid assessment. The rich bitch is not likely to date a man from the other side of the tracks.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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I've always understood that someone being "out of my league" would mean they are too good for me, so I think anyone saying this would have a low self esteem. You don't know what that other person is looking for in a person until you feel them out. I mean in all honesty, some situations are obvious when someone is out of someones league, but in general... who is to say who is out of someone's league.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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I kinda agree with you but it depends on whether they are speaking of in a specific way or not. If they say it in general, then I consider it a sign of low self esteem. But if for example they say "I'm not in that person's financial league" then I can see what they mean. They are realistically thinking why would anyone date a person making $8 an hour when they make $180K per year or whatever. That's a valid concern. There's the chance of course... if a woman is pretty enough or a guy handsome and charming enough. But in reality, chances are slim.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Yes you are right. Perfect example is whenever guys look at a couple where there is a not so attractive guy but he has a gorgeous woman. Pretty much what happen there is that the unattractive guy thinks to him self I have nothing to lose yet he feels confident that one day he will get a woman like that and bang he gets her. That's how everyone should think you have nothing to lose and you life is about risks so risk it. It's all about confidence and believeing to yourself that your good enough no matter what others tell you.

- Response by An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28

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Hmmm, I think it's either about low self esteem or, about just being realistic lol We see trends in how people choose their mates and can generally gauge where we fit in to those trends. You don't typically see super model type women with overweight sanitation workers...you don't see NFL players with woman like Susan Boyle... you don't see Harvard professors married to people who work at McDonalds. It might not be right but it is real. Those would be considered "extreme" ends of the spectrum (a spectrum based on stats rather than personality and spirit) On the other hand; some people lock themselves into a particular league because they don't maximize their appeal so they lose out on some potentially great catches...those are the people with low self-esteem.

- Response by surrealoptimism, A Creative, Female, 29-35

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Some stuck up snots think they are better than every one else. Those are the ones "out of league", which is really super stupid because God created us all equal....Wonder what "league" God puts them in??

- Response by grammapris, A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, Retired

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She bowls on Tuesday ladies night... not Wednesdays, like you!

- Response by geester, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

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I don't agree that it's self-esteem, it's more a matter of acknowledging one's own limitations. For instance, I'll never date George Clooney - he is out of my league. That has nothing to do with my self-esteem, it has to do with *reality.* I could meet George Clooney at a party, and *guarenteed* he would not go out with me if I asked him out on a date. That's just LIFE.

I have read of several sociological studies, which all came to the same conclusion - that men are really bad at assessing who is in their league, and who is not because the male participants of the studies consistently OVER-rated their own level of attractiveness. This enabled them to think that women who were WAY hotter than them on the hot-meter, would go out with them.

The women, however, were fairly accurate about figuring out who was in their league, and choosing someone who was on their own level of attractiveness. That's not a lack of self-esteem - that's knowing how to make appropriate choices, and keeping your expectations to an attainable level.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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I don't know...do you really think Beyonce would go out with you?

I think people generally date people of the same social status and the same general attractiveness scale. It could be low self esteem or a valid self awareness.

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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women sy this because some decent looking women think the world of themselves
actually they are just snobs
and not worth knowing anyway

- Response by vank356, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Technical

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It's possible when a person says someone is "out of their league" that they think they don't meet that person's qualifications or they aren't good enough for them.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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When I say someone is out of my league, I mean it from a looks or sometimes intellectual stand point. Because for me when I talk about things I talk from a common sense stand point but at times some people prefer to get more philosophical during discussions and I usually can't keep up because I don't always know what they are talking about so I totally miss important points. And for some people that could get annoying all the time and they could grow bored with me. So wouldn't be a ideal relationship to be in. Also the same way with looks if a person is like a 8 or a 9 they might want someone that is a 7 or an 8 like they are. But realistically I know I am a 4 or 5 on a bad day and on a good one I can make it to 5 or 6. But because I have moments of being pretty funny I can make it to 7 1/2. But again for most people if they don't at least feel that other people are a little jealous of them for dating or being with someone then they won't even look at you in regards to dating someone that is not on the same level of attractiveness. But I guess ironically enough for some people that are 8's they can appreciate folks like me in regards to my guy. :)

- Response by CursedRomantic, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Columbus, Student

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I'd say yes, it does sound like they feel they're not good enough for this person. Another possibility is that they mean that the person is too high-maintenance and they'd never be able to afford them.

- Response by experience101, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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I say that you never know whether or not someone is out of your league...

...until you step up to the plate and see what they've got.

- Response by drumboi2, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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Sounds like a realization that a person of interest is just not attainable.

- Response by guitarplayer2010, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Sounds like a realization that a person of interest is just not attainable.

- Response by guitarplayer2010, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer

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It depends. Low self-esteem might play some role in it, yes -- but that being said, a number of research studies have found that most people do demonstrate a preference for choosing partners who are similar to themselves in measures such as income and physical attractiveness (or who at least complement them by supplying those factors in which they themselves are lacking). Let's face it...for the most part, you don't see very many wealthy people dating poor people or very many highly attractive people dating people who are not -- although you do sometimes see wealthy and/or famous people who might not be considered attractive with partners who are not equally famous or wealthy yet who are highly attractive. At least as often as not, when people encounter a couple who seem to be mismatched (such as an extremely attractive woman with an average-looking man), one question which many people invariably seem to ask is..."what does (he/she) see in (him/her)??" Therefore, the belief that someone might be out of one's league is not always as unrealistic as some people might think. In my own case, I'm sufficiently honest with myself to know that I'm by no means supermodel material -- and even though I know that I have many other fine qualities, I'm also realistic enough to acknowledge that an extremely handsome man would most likely not be that interested in me as a potential romantic partner. Fortunately for me, classically handsome men aren't the ones who appeal to me the most anyway!

- Response by giginyc, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Yes it could be self-esteem and probably is most of the time but there is also that thing called 'self-defeating behaviour' that could be possible as well...think in terms of being motivated enough and persistent enough to 'want' something so bad that you are willing to work for it, just so you can possibly achieve it...it works the same way for men(or women) who like a woman(or man) and when/if a person has the self-defeating behaviour, they will more likely talk themselves 'out of' trying to attract the person because they believe that it would be too much 'work' to put into...kind of like telling themselves that if they worked to get this person, what could happen is that they find that the person is not the person they 'thought' they wanted so they decide just to forget trying and 'assume' that they aren't 'good' enough for that man or woman...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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You are absolutely correct. I've heard men say a certain woman is out of their league. I guess they think they are not good enough for the woman.. like you said, low self-esteem.

- Response by rhonda35, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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It IS about lack of self esteem. Either that, or they are showing their own shallow nature (for example, if they themselves would dismiss others as 'below them', they think everyone else would do that too. No-one is out of anyone's league. Its not about ratings and competitions, its about connection and compatibility.

- Response by sunset77, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I think I am out of my league when comparing myself to Jessica Simpson in the looks department. I also think she is out of my league in the brains department. In other words, not a good match on any level. But she IS nice to look at.

- Response by tomtomcat, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, New York, Teaching

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to me, "out of my league" means someone who doesn't fit in your "box". For example, a waitress expecting to get a Dr. (though possible) or a janitor expecting to get a bigtime CEO. I don't believe anybody is out of our leagues, everything is possible. It's just easier to meet people at your same level...

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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