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How to deal with a clingy overbearing mother?
Family & Parenting / 5:08 PM - Saturday January 09, 2010

How to deal with a clingy overbearing mother?

I'm 24, working full-time, and living on my own, just a short distance from the town where I grew up. Supposedly that means I have my own life and my own space, but my mom doesn't see it that way. She insists on buying groceries and items for my apartment and while that can be financially great, it gets annoying after a while when she shows up on my doorstep 2-3 times a week with tons of stuff I don't need. She freaks out if I don't call her every other day and shows up at my apartment, demanding an explanation. She even tries to step in where my boyfriends are concerned and handle things her own way.

I realize that since she's divorced, works all the time, and has no friends (she isn't as close to my brothers who are also out of the house), her life has become all about me.

I've tried talking to her, but she just won't listen and accept that I am a grown-up now. I plan to move out of state this year, and I don't know whether her clinginess will get even worse.

Any tips on what to say or how to deal with her?

- Asked by cookymonster12, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Los Angeles

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Well, if you are not physically where she can DROP BY, I fail to see what you would have to worry about.

You can turn the ringer on your phone OFF and call her when YOU are in the mood. You do have options and choices here. You just need to learn how to excercise them.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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You deal with a clingy mother by cutting the apron strings. Don't answer her phone calls. Move far enough away so it takes 2 hours to come visit, and don't invite her. Don't read or answer mail.

Don't tell her about your boyfriends. Don't tell her what you are having for lunch.

You tried talking to her and it didn't work. Now try NOT talking to her.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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well one thing sweety, you never stop being a mom,and you'll find that out the day you become a mommy.. a mother's love never dies..with your mom she is afraid to cut the apron string.. i don't know if your the only child.. but it sounds like it.. and to me your mom and dad might be i right??? if so that would lesd to her actions even more so.. because it would mean your all she got.. there is nothing wrong with that.. you should now sit her down and have a talk with her. because the day you leave the state, your mom will have a seperation anxiety and fall into a depression.. i know i did when my grandson whom has been with me since the day he was born.. i went thru a lil something, something.. he's back now... but yes prepare your mom.. all she is douinfg , is loving you..

- Response by mburgos, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Philadelphia, Who Cares?

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My mom-in-law is pretty clingy. We moved away for a year, and I really wish we had not moved back.

- Response by A Creative, Male, 29-35

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Your mom loves you. My baby is 21, and I love for her to call me once a day. Whats the issue? Did she not give you everything when you were growing up. What has changed with you durning that time and now that ur 24. So your an adult so what, shes mom......It takes what 3 minutes to call her? Are you so mab at her that you dont have 3 minutes?
Im sorry but as a mom I do not understand, I know how much it hurts when I dont heard from her and go to bed praying and crying......I do not tell my daughter what to do but love to hear her voice everyday. So tell me how does a mom get over losing her kids 100%. Does 5 minutes a day reaaly hurt you new grown ups??? Help me understand , please.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, Who Cares?, Teaching

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@ A hippie chick - I'm 21 & I totally understand where Sarah's coming from. I moved in w/ my boyfriend last October & I still feel as though it's hard to live my own life too. I receive calls & texts daily, requiring responses. It's never a "3 minute conversation" either, if it was, no one would have a problem w/ that. It's the unasked for, insistent advice, mother-knows-best tone that comes w/ it & the guilt feeling you get when you're made to feel like you just cannot live your own life, mothers seem to think they're owed this sort of 'control' but once we're gone, you need to learn to let go!

- Response by A Life of the Party, Female, 22-25, Melbourne, Student

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