Back to Home

Active Questions

Ive found out my daughter is using web cam to chat and strip online. She is only 12 years old.
Sex & Intimacy / 10:04 AM - Saturday January 09, 2010

Ive found out my daughter is using web cam to chat and strip online. She is only 12 years old.

Ive found a conversation my daughter had with someone in which she was offering to strip. she showed herself on the camera and then touched herself.
I haven't confronted her as yet not sure what i can do about it. I don't know who this person is whether he is a boy or a man.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

Read more about the Rating System


Get a sledge hammer, and let that computer, and your daughter know who is the boss.

...:)


- Response by bluegenel, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Technical

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

i would take away the webcam and internet and when she asks why have a sit down talk with her about what you found.

- Response by unbreakablesilence, A Married Girl, Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental

Rating Received:


you need to explain the dangers of sexting, and doing this sort of behavior online, and the danger she's creating for herself by doing it. pervs can use this child pornography to do some really sick crimes. it can also be recorded and then used against her in the future. she is too young to do this.

however, easily 50% of the kids these days are doing stupid shit like this. and many are causing all kinds of problems.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

Rating Received:


you need to talk with her right away....whether it is someone her age, or an adult, this can be very dangerous.....the adult could certainly be a sexual predator......i would report the other person's address to the police just to be safe....

- Response by themamu, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


You need to stop her now! I had a friend once who's little sister around the same age did the same thing and eventually met up with the guy, who was 30years old. It is absolutely gross. Take her computer away and instead of getting mad at her, talk to her about it. You need to stop it now because way too many girls get hurt this way, I am seriously worried for her.

- Response by ashleycountry, Female, 22-25, Hospitality

Rating Received:


Under the twisted laws, everyone she sends her photo to is automatically "guilty" and can be sent to prison for 20 years.

She, of course, is an innocent child who cannot know she's not supposed to do that. She's a "victim" doncha know.

She needs a good hard OTK spanking. And, you need to recognize that a young woman is already being motivated by her ovaries. Has she been learning behavior by watching mom?


- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

Rating Received:


Your twelve year old is not your friend, she is your daughter.......I would sit her down and in no uncertain terms tell her what you found and the consequences of her actions.......Taking the comp AND ALL HER TECH STUFF AWAY.....because she will still have the ability to contact these pervs by phone......and then, get her to a counselor.....!!!!

Don't be afraid of hearing the words I HATE YOU come out of her mouth.......It is far better that she hates you and is safe in your home, then ending up running away and eventually killed by the hands of one of these MEN.

- Response by zibet58, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Teaching

Rating Received:


Explaining why her behavior was wrong is #1. And above all it was wrong because it hurts HER, her future, her self esteem. Forget morals. She wanted to be liked by a male. Find out why she wanted that so bad and explain about self-respect.

And then let her have Internet only with you around and with NO camera (why on earth does a 12 year old have access to a webcam anyway? since it's specifically meant to show yourself). Also, if you can locate the IP of the person, block him in your firewall. If you don't know how to do it, ask for help from someone knowledgeable.

Also, I would really get tough on the guy, whoever it is and tell him if you ever catch him talking to your kid again, he's police fodder.

Also, find out how they found each other. Maybe she signed up to contact sites.

Be very very tough about this one.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

Rating Received:


the other person should not be your main focus,that should be your daughter. as a mother i know this has made you sad and angry.first sit down with her and show her what you saw.then lets find out why she feels like this is ok,then explain to her that you will not allow her to do this again.explain to her how dangerous this is ,and that she should respect herself enough not to do this for some male. take out the web cam,and place the computer in a neutral place where you can view where is being done on it.my computer is in the family room with the screen facing the room,so i can look over their shoulder at any time.i look at their facebook,and they know that i and any of my friends that carry any of the social networks watch out for what they are posting.

- Response by bhindth8ball, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

Rating Received:


You need to put something in place on her computer that would alleviate this from happening. And, contact the police. Trust me, they'll be able to find out who this person is and how old they are. You can't be worried about embarrassing her or this person if they happen to be a child. Because, this type of thing is too serious. You need to let her know the repercussions of what's she's done. Sit down with her and show her some of the specials about girls who have been victimized by trusting that only one special person is viewing these things.

Only, later to find out this person upon getting dumped has posted this on My Space, and everywhere else, along with photos being placed all over schools and forwarded in emails. You can't think about how hurt she'll be right now. How would you feel if one day, she doesn't come home and has ran off to meet some grown man she met online posting this kind of stuff? Or, if this man comes to her home and abducts her or worse? Seriously, I'm not trying to think of the worse. But, this situation has nothing innocent about it. She's 12 years old! This situation needs to be taken care of immediately!

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


not a good thing-
It is your house and the Internet is important tool for homework and learning, but from now on, you have to put some strict rules in place. NO UnSupervised INTERNET...Period.
there are crazy people out there-innocence is best not lost here.

- Response by movi, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Administrative

Rating Received:


Internet service gone, sit down talk , but try not to judger her. She is just caught in our societies expectations and does not
realize the implications. I am sooo glad that you found out.

And to act swiftly , get some support for yourself threw this

seriously it will help ,think of who you can call and talk to as

you manage this . This will not be a one time thing. And you may

also look at how she is living when not at home.

And then she will need to get involved with an activity to

fill the space of no computer..that way she will not obsess

and get beyond this head space into another one.

I found my grandson (15) checking out porn. I was greatful to

find it because it has open that dialog between us.

I spoke of the addiction, gave him articalls , we have spoke

about std's and condom use. I have never had a "sit down talk"

persay.....at first I let him know I new threw asking if he

had a crush on paris hilton , he got the message. Then threw

our times together I talk a little bit at a time about things

And just had him view a movie with me , about a teen who was

and A student , doing well on a swim team, healthy supportive

family and a girl friends . His desires were more than he could

handle and he found porn, it started taking his life down , his

behavior changed....it was a nice way to say something to my

grandson...

And I am still on it...in the same way.

- Response by morningdust, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


Time to put ya foot down..... and if need be, put ya foot KNEE DEEP in her ass.

Take away her computer privileges. PERIOD.

She is too young to be doing ANY kind of sexually suggestive behavior. AND... there are laws which favor here where whoever has her skin pics could get into serious trouble.

She's endangering herself as well as others.

- Response by king313, An Engaged Guy, Male, 29-35, Detroit, Civil Service

Rating Received:


I also recommend getting a logger for your computer. I use winvestigator found at www.tropsoft.com it logs all keystrokes including passwords and also takes screenshots at certain intervals. It elminates any guessing

- Response by fgcoupe, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Buffalo, Transportation

Rating Received:


I would take her computer till she is older

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


OMG!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~ !~!~!~!~!~!~ What do you mean you haven't confronted her yet??????? She would be locked in her room and the web cam would be in pieces in the garbage. YOU are the adult there and should have jerked her away from that computer and smashed that web cam. What are you, a parent or a friend????? You need to be a parent and show her what happens to little girls that do this sort of thing.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

Rating Received:


You don't know what to do????????????? Ugh...you take away the computer and lock it up. And you start having detailed conversations about sexual behaviors with her and what some of the consequences of the behaviors she has been involved with can bring to her doorstep not just short term but long term as well. You also take her computer to a shop and have them grab the history of everything she's been doing on it.

- Response by joybird, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Dear that girl is only 12 she has no business knowing what that is, take that computer out of privacy and put it into the living room where she can't hide anything. Lady, please do it now b4 someone pays you a visit that your not going to like.

- Response by flyinghawaiian56, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Transportation

Rating Received:


I will put my two cents in here.
If you start the conversation with the "this is wrong" and restrict everything, you will lose the battle and her ears will automatically close. The right versus wrong issue as the FIRST thing to address is wrong.
The first thing to address is "honey do you know how dangerous this is?" Do your homework. There are plenty of articles and stories of teens who have done this and got caught in serious/dangerous situations.
Stress that bad choices lead to bad consequences. Now as her parent, you have to insure that until she can make good choices, you will need to take away the computer, the phone, restrict the computer (or whatever you decide to restrict). But do it under the idea of danger and consequences - prowlers, etc.
When you DO bring in right versus wrong bring the trust issue in "when I feel I can trust you to be safe, and to follow my rules"....
Last, make sure she is educated about sexual issues, her body, its use of enjoyment and her body self esteem. If she is looking for validation online from guys, it makes me wonder what she thinks she is missing.
Just my thoughts.

- Response by hrdmn10, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

Rating Received:


What can you do? Take away the webcam, take away the computer, and teach her self respect and dignity!

This is coming from a hypocrite. The questions arose when my daughter started having a few hundered dollars transfered into her savings account (joint with my wife) from a paypal account (in the make of my wife). We give the statements that are mailed to the house to our children dirrectly as it is their account and their money. But we are not fools and have a duplicate statement mailed to my office.

So my wife did some searching and found out that my daughter was using the cam online. We confronted her about it and both were shocked when she said that she say mommy doing it! WHAT???

Yeah, rough night in my house that day.

- Response by A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


....whoa.........gotta go with 'blue on this one.....sledge-o-matic time here, I'm afraid.

- Response by nameacarl, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Oostende, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


What are you wating for? go and throw that web cam out the window right now and TALK to her. I understand if you don't know what to say but come on you gotta try, you gotta say something. Tell her exactly how you feel, tell her the dangers of this, tell her there are men out there that would want to hurt her if she's not careful tell her it's important to respect oneself, tell her pictures could go all over the inernet.... My gosh go talk to her right now. Oh and ground her, oh boy ground her ass.

- Response by girlpower08, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

Rating Received:


She needs to have her computer taken away.

And you need to address why it is she is seeking that kind of attention at that age. She obviously has self esteem issues, and when girls become sexual at that age, there is often a history of molestation.

Get to the bottom of it and get her the help she needs before her entire life is ruined.

- Response by vabyss, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Why are you even asking this question??? Its a no brainer, take away the computer and ground her. Its child pornography no matter if an adult or child broadcasts it. They will also go after the owner of the ip address which is you! There was a ruling in NJ about a 14yo girl who sent her boyfriend naked pictures and she was charged with child pornography even tho she was the one who sent them. Its a crime because of laws and morals. I would also find out who saw this if it was a friend, inform their parents because more than likely they are doing the same. If it was an adult get the screen name and inform the authorities NOW!

- Response by fgcoupe, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Buffalo, Transportation

Rating Received:


You can't just take the computer, in today's age she needs it for homework and education--but you can severely restrict her access to it. Start by a password protected log in, you or her father must be there to supervise her usage--she can't use it without you. Second move the computer into a common room if it's not already there. Third, get rid of the webcam, she should not have access to this anyways--if she wants to talk to her friends face to face tell her to do it the good old fashioned way. Fourth, sit her down and talk to her about her actions, why she did it, and the consequences. Then ground her for two weeks and explain this thing called trust. She needs to earn back her privileges to use the computer unsupervised. Sound harsh? Yeah it is, but today's internet world is one bitch of a reality check--as are the sheer types of people who have access to you and your family via it.

- Response by lioness21, A Player, Female, 29-35, Consulting

Rating Received:



FIRST OF ALL, A LITTLE CHAT THEN ANOTHER CHANCE, IS SHE BLOWS IT, REMOVE COMPUTER AND SOME PRIVELGES

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

Rating Received:


If it's not already, you need to put the pc in a public area where her privacy is very limited. Then you need to change the password so she needs your permission to get online. It doesn't matter if its a boy or a man, she needs to know that that kind of behavoir is unacceptable and wont be tolerated.

- Response by ajeepgirl67, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

Rating Received:


It's bad news no matter who it is she is talking to, but if it is adult men, I would explain the danger to her first and also tell her how sick these men must be. Then contact the police.

If it's boys her own age or close to it, you'll have to talk to her about things like modesty and valuing her own body and her own privacy. I've heard this generation is doing this kind of stuff because of its ready availability, but it's bad news...that is much too young to be doing anything sexual.

- Response by skibum58, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, New York, Teaching

Rating Received:


Where were YOU when she was doing this????? I have a 12 year old son, and he is NEVER allowed to use ANY computer alone. Get intgo parenting classes. Take the computer, DUH. Tell your daughter that what she is doing is bad for her, and anyone else. Call the police, and have them go thru the computer and find the internet perverts that were looking at her. I could care less if they are 12 years old or not. You haven't taught your kids ANYthing. You're Grounded. Now get off the internet!!!

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

Rating Received:


Take the computer out of her room and/or remove the bedroom door until she can be trusted. There is something emotionally wrong with a 12 year old girl who is doing that.

- Response by hnimsoc, A Creative, Male, 56-65, Edmonton, Retired

Rating Received:


If she were mine and I caught her doing that -- seriously? I'd make arrangements for in-patient treatment at the distant youth recovery center -- different town.

If she doesn't get dealt with properly this time -- there may not be another chance... stripping = sexual attention = prostitution? Who knows but I would take no chances and make a move on her first before she gets a wild hair to run away.

- Response by skycop, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, Consulting

Rating Received: