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Active Questions

How can i not make it hurt?
Sex & Intimacy / 3:45 PM - Tuesday January 05, 2010

How can i not make it hurt?

Me and my bf tried anal and it hurt like a bitch!!!
i couldnt do it. is there a way to not make it hurt so bad?

- Asked by rikacannon16, An Engaged Girl, Female, 26-28, Financial / Banking

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Use a good lubricant on his penis and your ass before anal sex.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, Who Cares?, Chicago, Who Cares?

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Just a thought - STOP

- Response by wolf1412, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Toronto, Military

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Community Rating: Community Star

Why would you even consider a second attempt at something that HURT you during sexual intercourse which is supposed to feel really great and enjoyable. It's not for everybody I guess. Your man should be forever grateful that you even let him try once before you're married. And he should love you enough to never ask for you to try again if he knows it was hurting you. Satisfy some OTHER fantasy he has, yeah, AFTER he does one of your fantasies huh? Fair is Fair. When it comes to anus, males and females have the exact same body part. If they think it's supposed to feel so good for women then seriously why aren't every one of those men willing to have something up theirs too to enjoy a new orgasm?

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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If done correctly there should be no pain involved.

Anal Sex
Before we embark on the journey to pleasurable anal sex techniques, let us for a moment focus on a few things that should be addressed first. While many of us find condoms to be a nuisance, health care professionals highly recommend for a variety of health reasons, that you always use condoms during anal sex. For those of us that hate condoms because of a reduced sensitivity during intercourse, The Japanese company Okamato (who also make the popular brand name Beyond Seven condoms) have come to the rescue, with the introduction of Crown Condoms. This is the thinnest condom on the market and much less noticeable than other condoms. Just like the box says: "it's the closest thing to nothing at all." It is also recommended, that a lubricant be used when practicing anal sex. We generally recommend Astroglide, as its versatile and very reliable. The third item that you might want to have on hand before taking the leap into the pleasures of anal sex is something small to insert, such as a Small Love Plug, to exercise the muscle and get comfortable with the concept before moving on to the real thing (we'll discuss this technique further as we get into the details below).

Anal sex is not experienced exclusively by gay men; it is a facet of our collective sexual identity which has been explored by previous cultures and continues to be explored today. Men and women of all walks of life enjoy anal sex as an alternative to everyday lovemaking. It is not for everyone, but anal sex may be what you're looking for if you want to try something completely different.
A Few Tips
If you and your partner are ready to try anal sex, here a few pointers.
1. Go Slow. When trying anal sex trust and relaxation are essential.
2. Use Lubricant. We recommend something like Astroglide. Use it liberally.
3. Only use toys with a flared base. If you're going to be using an anal toy, make sure it has a flared base so that it does not become lodged in the rectum. An excellent anal toy is the Big Flirt. It's made from silicone which is extremely hygienic and ultimately provides the best sensations.
Why do people enjoy anal sex?
Anal sex is enjoyable because of the rich body of nerve endings in the anus. While people often experience pain when first attempting anal sex, as a person learns to relax, the pain often subsides into pleasure. For men, anal sex also offers stimulation to the prostate, an organ that provides the rush of pleasure during orgasm. Anal sex for many seems like a taboo activity, and much of society still shuns it. But statistics show that roughly 35% of heterosexuals and 50% of the gay community practice anal sex at least occasionally.
How can I enjoy anal sex?
Tips for beginners
To prepare yourself for anal sex, the first thing to do is learn to relax. This may include a hot bath beforehand, an erotic massage or even just a good workout. Remember that the sphincter muscles around the anus will not allow things to pass through easily unless you relax and take it slow. Do not start with something the size of a dildo or penis. Start with either: a) your partner's finger or b) Small Love Plug. The plug provides a unique sensation and many couples consider it an exciting addition to the bedroom. If you're more comfortable with a partner's finger then start with that. The basic principle is to start small and work your way up.
One partner should lubricate or place a lubricated condom over his or her finger. Take the finger and arouse the surface of the anus, perhaps making small circular motions as you go. Always pay attention to your partner to indicate whether or not he or she feels comfortable. Slowly attempt to push your finger (or plug) slightly inside the anus. Do not use force - stop immediately if your partner complains of discomfort. If it is difficult to enter the anus, you probably need more lubrication. The first time you try this, the receiver may feel a bit of pain. Anal sex is not for everyone, and if you feel uncomfortable stop and perhaps try again later. Think of this process as training for later anal encounters. Even a finger can provide intense stimulation when it is inserted in the anus.
Once you have tried penetration with a finger a number of times then you can move towards something that is a bit larger. First you have to decide on what type of anal stimulation that you enjoy. Do you enjoy the movement of a finger, the fullness of a plug, or the feeling of entry and withdrawal? You may wish to proceed by being penetrated with your partner's penis or by using an anal toy. For those who enjoy the feeling of penetration more than motion or vibration, try butt plugs which are designed specifically for this purpose. A butt plug sits inside the anus, and is not generally used for thrusting back and forth. If a plug interests you, we suggest the Big Flirt. This beautiful toy is made of pure silicone and features a graduated design. The texture is unrivalled. It's soft but resilient and retains body heat. You won't find a better plug. We're confident you'll love the feel of this toy.
How can I make anal sex safer?
Anal sex can be a perfectly safe activity as long as you take the necessary precautions. You should remember that your anus and rectum do not have their own natural lubrication nor the kind of elasticity the mouth and vagina enjoy. That is why anal sex must be practiced with care. There are three things that should always be used whenever anal penetration is taking place; lubrication, condoms and common sense. Liberal amounts of lubrication are necessary because the rectal wall can be quite sticky and is subject to tearing and lesions if not kept lubricated. (Our favorite is Astroglide) In addition, the anus and rectum are narrow, so lubrication is needed to press inside smoothly. Condoms are another necessity. Enemas, douches and other cleaners will not be able to get all the germs and bacteria out of the rectum. Not only is anal sex facilitate the transmission of STDs better than any other form of sex, it can also cause urinary tract infections and other bacterial diseases. Latex protection is essential, and can offer additional slickness. Finally, use your common sense. The rectal wall curves and is thin so long, hard objects can tear your insides. Don't wear any jewellery on your hands, and cut your fingernails if you are going to put your finger in someone's anus. Most importantly, respect your body. Don't push the limits and go only as far as you feel comfortable.
Positions to try
The best positions for anal sex depend largely on what stage you and your partner are at in your experiences. Rear entry or the "doggie style" position is the one position most people associate with anal sex. However, rear entry allows a penis or anal toy to penetrate most deeply, and may not be the best choice for the beginner. A good starting position is the "spoons" position, with each partner laying on his or her side, one behind the other. This prevents the penetrating partner from going too fast, and allows complete control over penetration. It also brings you closer to your partner, making it easier to judge his or her reactions to what you're doing.
Another position for anal sex is a variation of the missionary position. The receiving partner lays on his or her back while the penetrating partner approaches from on top. The penetrating partner lifts up the calves or shins of the receiver, exposing the anus. This can be an especially intimate position, with both partners facing each other. The 'top' partner can masturbate the other and is open to massage and cuddling as well.
Finally, rear entry offers another possibility for anal penetration. This position allows the penetration to be the deepest, and permits the receiver to better open the anus for entry. Rear entry does not offer the kind of intimacy or ease of communication that the other positions do, but for more advanced lovers, can offer the greatest amount of thrusting and penetration.
There are many more positions and techniques to try. Many people discover new and exciting positions through experimentation, and most people find the one that best suits them. Good communication is the key to such discovery, and a manual or video can help as well.

- Response by dambreaker, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Retired

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if your going to do it, you need to prepare. first of all, he shouldnt be slamming his cock into you like hes trying to break through a brick wall. you should use plenty of lube ( some even have a mild anesthetic) and you should start by gently working in one finger. he shouldnt be jamming it in and out. just leave it in position for a while. then he should try to intoduce a second figer, then a want to loosen your anus up a little. once he has 3 fingers in, you might be ready to remove the fingers and insert his dick. once again, dont let him just fuck away like a jack hammer. nice and easy and them work your way up to more motion. you might want o rub your clit while this is all going on to introduce a little pleasure down there. maybe a little wine or weed before you start.

- Response by painless63, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55

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Did you use enough lube? That's the most important thing to remember. If you think you have enough lube,add a little more.
Before he tries to fuck you up the ass,start with a lubed finger. Then another finger,etc. This will make your anus used to having something in it.
I asked a question similar to yours a year ago,here's a link someone sent me,it's about anal sex and safety,written by an OBGYN: /womens-health/WHF.0010 /1185.html

- Response by gvmeurhwc, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35

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Must work you up to it by alot of stimulation. In other words heavy petting, lots of foreplay, lubricate, toys, and lots of patience. Can not just go for the gusto! Take your time and relax your fears too.

- Response by lowmy, A Career Man, Male, 46-55, Baltimore, Science / Engineering

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My ex wanted anal so I tried it with painful results. Never again.. Mine is a one-way door.

- Response by rhonda35, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Take a biology course...the anus is not meant for dicks!

- Response by A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles

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Lots and lots of lube--- there is also something called anal ease that works wonders.... Have fun and relax those muscles when he enters u.....then u will enjoy the orgasm of a lifetime!!!!

- Response by A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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Sorry, but hey...have you checked the pro's and con's on anal...the con's are bad.
My suggestion to not do it again, it makes your asshole bigger and takes longer to wipe after doing the number two...not being crude just being honest.
I know he wouldn't do so, why does he think you should or you think it?? It's not a safe and a healthy thing to do at all, my dear.
"I wish you continued good health"

- Response by pinknblu, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Just need to prep yourself for it and it can be really great.Let me know if yo uhave tried it since and maybe I can help or if you tried it and had sucess with it I would like to hear how you did it.

- Response by eagerbeaver, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Get a butt plug at a toy store or on-line and practice every day until your asshole gets used to being stretched to a larger diameter. You might even enjoy the practice. Have fun.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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just keep takin it like a trooper and after awhile it will not hurt and you will begin to like it

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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cuervo 1800...

lots of cuervo 1800.

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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First you use anal creme, and start with one finger then just keep adding more fingers. Soon you'll be able to take him. You might let him stick his tongue in for lubrication. A lot of foreplay will help. Just relax, and let him get you really hot.

- Response by chrissyapple83, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45

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