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Found out my boyfriend is seeking women online
Dating / 3:22 AM - Monday January 04, 2010

found out my boyfriend is seeking women online

I went to check my email on his computer and his email account popped up and he's joined all these online dating services and seeking women via classifieds. should i confront him?

- Asked by Female, 56-65

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There is a reason he is looking, and you may never know the truth---fact is many guys will say the are only "curious," just looking (or so they say), or "forgot." YEAH RIGHT.

I say it is not worth the bother--you and he will both get angry, upset and nothing will come of it. You won't be able to trust him again, and he will always suspect you of searching for something to nail him on, and hide it if he continued.

Walk away.

- Response by iowaczechartist, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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I would tell him you do'nt care to be part of his stable and break it off.He is'nt going to change just because you found out.He just will be more careful to hide it.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Set up a fake profile and set up a date with him....then confront his stupid ass

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Ok, you go on his computer and his email just happens to pop up and you read his mail annd see that he has applied to several, not one, online dating and cassifieds. Something is wrong. Now one check out to see what bogus people setup these services of need, but several, not acceptable. Has there been a change of attitude towards you before and after this find that you have notice but pushed aside. He is searching for an option. You need to have a talk with him plus have the proof( like names of the web sites and classifieds he has been on. Because if you two make up and move on, you will be shut out of his computer access from there on. Trust will be still an issue with you. Take the time communicate to him how you feel and let him express himself too. There is a need for reconnection to get back on track. But if for any reason you are still feeling something is not right then back off or cut your loses. It is about your happiness too.

- Response by lowmy, A Career Man, Male, 46-55, Baltimore, Science / Engineering

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I've never understood what the "confrontation" is all about. Tell him why if you want, but leave. Just leave.

- Response by proclaimed, A Creative, Male, 46-55

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maybe spice up the sex at home

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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I would first question myself if I wanted this guy, because it looks like he is looking elsewhere. He may just be trying to see if there is anything better out there. Because if you confront him he is either going to answer yes or no. If he says yes, tell him it has been fun, and then get out of there. If he says no then he is lying and you are hooking up with a liar. So if you want to associate yourself with a liar that is up to you and you will be sorry. If you don't confront him then you will accept the fact that he has other women on his mind. I always like to talk things out with someone so I know where I stand.

- Response by billthesame, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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- Response by homecarecomputer, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Technical

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no,,, pretend you dont know, and let this relationship run its course, get your heart broken and be emotionally messed up for years with trust issues because he is a cheater..

or,,, confront him and deal with it.

- Response by rkller900, A Career Man, Male, 56-65, Technical

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Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!

- Response by bboppie, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65

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if he has gone through the trouble to set up this profile while you were dating him, and i s active on the site (responding and receiving messages) dump him.

no explanation required until he is out the door and you have time to think clearly.

- Response by regularchick, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Student

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Why? It's not like you don't already know the truth! Unless you plan on staying with the looser then there is no reason to confront the issue but instead plan your exit from this relationship.

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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bummer that sucks. yes, you should confront him, you already know and it's going to be really tough to keep that one to yourself.

either way you should break up with him, why be in a relationship that's full of lies? i'd rather date someone who was open and honest about who they are not try to hide it.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Los Angeles

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that's a bummer.

either way you should break up with him, but yes I would definitely ask him about it. why not? why should you keep his secrets for him?

- Response by vlectronica, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Los Angeles

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No, don't confront him yet. You now know what his intentions are. Your boyfriend is either trying to find an exit strategy or checking out his options. Now, plan your plan your exit and don't accept any excuses. Next time, he'll be more careful and sneaky.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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confront him. find out what he's up to. if your exclusive there's no reason for him doing this.

- Response by campy1, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Retail

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In my experience, some women are predisposed to read more into a man's words and actions than is really there and assume he wants the same things they do without ever speaking to him about it -- sometimes even in the face of evidence which makes it clear that this is not true. However, if you and this man have specifically agreed to be exclusive, then the evidence seems to suggest that he's chosen to violate that agreement -- which means that you have every right to be angry with him and to confront him (although you should be prepared for the very great possibility that he'll try every trick in the book in an attempt to avoid taking responsibility for his behavior so that he doesn't have to change). In my opinion, it also means the agreement is null and void -- meaning that you should consider yourself at liberty to see other people since it seems evident that he no longer intends to honor the agreement.

By not being honest with you about his feelings, what he's basically saying (whether he consciously realizes it or not) is that he has no problem keeping you around and allowing you to continue being faithful to him in the belief that he's faithful to you even though he's not -- does this sound like someone who truly cares about what you need and what you feel? No, it does not. If you're not comfortable with the idea of sharing him with other women -- and most women would not be -- then he needs to decide whether it's more important for him to be with you or be with other women, because he has no right to expect you to give up what's important to you for his sake. The question of whether this relationship continues or not depends on which decision he makes...but I would have second thoughts about continuing to be involved with a man who's already demonstrated his willingness to be selfish, deceptive, disloyal, and indifferent to my feelings.

- Response by giginyc, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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try an see whats really going on, if there iz a female or femalez involved, confront him, then i would leave for amin, until he get hiz act together

- Response by girlythug72, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Kdare made a good point. I also get emails from dating sites, even though I haven't been active on any of them in years. Check to see if he's been recently active on the sites or if they're just something he experimented with before he met you. But don't just take his word for it. Check out his profile on the sites before you confront him, and you should be able to tell. If you find that he has been recently active, don't listen to any excuses. Just leave. Men who are truly committed to you don't cruise dating sites.

- Response by uniquelyme2, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Don't confront him but do talk about how you went to check your email and his popped up and you noticed that he was still getting emails from dating sites because he may not even look at them because some dating sites actually continue sending emails even when/if you are not active...heck, I've been with my guy nearly two years and we both still get emails from the dating sites we were on before we met and neither of us even look at to him and find out before you jump to conclusions because he may not even be looking at them or even aware that he's still getting them...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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- Response by A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Baltimore, Administrative

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- Response by listentome27, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Dallas

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Oh no. Just join one of the sites and approach him that way, with a false pic of some hot 25 yr old as you, and see how deep you can draw him into your trap before you arrange a public meeting somewhere and humiliate him, then ditch him.

- Response by driveinby, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45

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