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How can I get my guy to comfort me?
Dating / 8:34 PM - Wednesday December 30, 2009

How can I get my guy to comfort me?

My guy is horrible at comforting me through hard situations. Whenever I am going through something big (e.g. My Grandpa's heart attack) he always non-chalantly says "It'll be okay". Then he brings up a similar situation he had and makes it seem like his was worse. When he does this I not only feel bad for what's going on, but also because I feel like I am whining for nothing. How can I tell him he is coming off cold-hearted and not helping at all?

- Asked by A Married Girl, Female, 26-28, Financial / Banking

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"Remember when my Grandma was sick, and I was really upset? I know you were trying to help by telling me that you had been through the same thing. Honestly, though, it made me feel worse. If something bad happens again, do you think you could just hold my hand and hug me? That's really all I need."


If you say this, you aren't coming down on him or accusing him of be cold or uncaring. You care just communicating your needs...and making it EASY on him. Men aren't always good at knowing what to say. This was his attempt to let you know he is sympathetic.


- Response by myndseye711, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Vladivostok, Technical

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Community Rating: Community Star

I'm familiar with this type of response.

I'm afraid the only thing I've come up with is to no longer share things that I'm feeling deeply with those types of people. I keep my pain to myself, and just try to carry on as best I can.

- Response by ocelotspot, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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I'll just ignore "those" kind of girls

- Response by kaosun, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Boston

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SHow him this post!

- Response by jmiker714, A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Therapist

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Apparently your guy does not understand what you NEED. Sit him down and talk to him and explain to him how he makes you feel. You did not mention how long you have been with him. Some men are not good at showing emotional support, which is sad, because EVERYONE needs it. My suggeston would be to think about it, and if he can't give you what you need, then maybe you need to revaluate your relationship. Take Care

- Response by beenthere47, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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