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My boyfriend told me he wants to spend Christmas with his kids, who live with their mom, the Ex...
Dating / 7:43 PM - Monday December 21, 2009

My boyfriend told me he wants to spend Christmas with his kids, who live with their mom, the Ex...

Yes, its time for the Christmas holidays, but i cant seem to shake feeling sad. First my boyfriend tells me that he doesnt think much of Christmas, except its a holiday for kids, and then he says that he will be going to spend it with his kids, which i have ABSOLUTELY no problem with, in fact, i encourage him to spend time with them. What bothers me is that he will be spending Christmas eve, Christmas day, and a big part of the 26th with them. Im a bit sad about it, cause Christmas is one of those holidays you want to spend with people you love, and i dont know, maybe im being silly, but i wish he could spend some of the holidays with me, instead of at the Ex's house. Just for the record, they've been apart for over a year and there are no chances of him going back, so im not concerned about that. Whats my question? I dont know. I guess I'm looking for advice on what to do in this case. Has anyone been in this situation? I'm feeling a bit sad and lonely knowing that i wont be spending holidays with him. Is that normal?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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If it's the first year together, give him some time, the relationship is still fresh. If the second year he doesn't plan time together with you, you should dump him.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Sure, it's normal for you to feel that way. Just like it's normal for him to want to spend the holiday with his children---who after all, are his children now.

In order to make sure you have a good holiday, I suggest you call up your parents or a sibling ~ ~ ~ and spend some time with family or at least some other close friends.

The worst choice would be to linger alone, feeling left out.

Bless you, hon ~ and I wish you a Merry Little Christmas all the same.

- Response by ocelotspot, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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It is too soon for you to spend Christmas with his kids. However, I understand how you FEEL and your feelings are normal.

He is doing the right thing. Next year, you should be included.

- Response by myndseye711, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Managerial

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he's spending the holidays with his CHILDREN. NOT his ex, his CHILDREN. They lost their dad when the 2 of them split up and he NEEDS to spend as much time with them as possible.

Given, yes?

Then I don't get your problem. You have no family? No friends? Nobody? Nothing? Is he the only "Loved one" in your world?

If not then where's the problem? Go spend Christmas with the OTHER PEOPLE in your life you love and new years with HIM.

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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I agree with the first poster and the other poster that was asking about you spending time with family and friends while he is away. I'm sure you have other people in your life that you love too other than just him. So why not bring some presents and open some with friends and family. That should keep you occupied and not thinking about him too much. And look forward to spending new year's together at least.

- Response by CursedRomantic, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Columbus, Student

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I don't think you're being silly, and it doesn't sound like you're jealous. You just want to spend part of the holiday with your guy. That's completely understandable.

You didn't mention how long the two of you have been together. If the relationship is still pretty new, give it time. If you're still a couple a year from now, tell him at that time how important it is to you to spend at least some time with him over Christmas.

If you're already an established, long term couple, tell him this year. A guy with any sensitivity and respect for your feelings with understand and make time for you. But keep in mind that if Christmas is not all that important to him, he may not "get" how meaningful it is to you. Right now, he might just be feeling relieved that you've given him your blessing to spend the holiday with his kids.

But that's why you should tell him - in a non-pressured way - and only after your relationship is no longer new.

- Response by uniquelyme2, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I am in the exact situation dating for a year now with a boyfriend who has two children.I encourage his time with them all year long including holidays. No matter that I have other family to spend the holidays with, when you have spent the majority of the past year with your boyfriend, you do feel left out. If the holidays were not important to you or you are in a profession where you typically have to work, then it is a no brainer. But when the holidays are important to you and you have the liberty of the time off, you should be scheduled into the holiday: whether the Eve of Christmas Eve, Christmas Eve, Christmas Day or the day after. With proper planning everyone should be included. My boyfriend has down played the entire holiday season instead of taking the time to plan it out and it gives me pause. It shows a lack of finesse. A lack of consideration and maybe a lack of confidence to handle these situations. If the children have mommy one day, daddy one day and grandma and/or grandpa the next or all together with lots of love, it will not cause them harm.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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- Response by caroleperkins, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Atlanta

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