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It is ok to break up a loving relationship by silence?
Dating / 4:26 PM - Friday December 18, 2009

It is ok to break up a loving relationship by silence?

I wanted a smooth breakup, no drama involved, no questions asked, so I decided to cut him off completely from my life by silence. 2 weeks went by, he called me for few days (I never returned the calls) and then he stopped. Is he mad at me? Is he hurt? Should I give him a closure now or just let it go?

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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WTF??? This is one of the most selfish things I ever heard! YOU chose to use the cowardly way out, and now you're curious if he's mad at you? And you want anyone to believe you CARE if he's hurt? Guess what? It's none of your business anymore! Leave the poor guy alone, let him find a chick with some manners and compassion.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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Community Rating: Community Star

Let it go, don't break now!

- Response by rafiki910, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Boston, Body Work

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That is a HORRIBLE way to break up with someone. He will never know why you ended things...and you never gave him the opportunity to say anything or gain any closure. I don't consider that trying to be without drama...that's actually kind of cowardly :(

- Response by kaffroake, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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That was a mean way to do it.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Let it go.

In my experience, most guys don't need or want closure.

When they are tired of dating you, they prefer to just quit calling.

What's the point of any further conversation? So you can tell him all the ways he is not right for you? I don't think that would benefit either of you.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Believe me when I say CALL him!!! He deserves closure and in 20 years if you dont all you will be able to thik about is wut would of happened had I told him why.

- Response by ZeferinosSweetyheart, A Life of the Party, Female, 22-25, Dallas, Fitness

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i think i understand where u are coming from. You are scared that if you confront him he`ll beg to do better, or he might tell you all the things about yourself that you don`t really want to hear! or just maybe you know that breaking up will break he`s heart and you don`t want to see that:)
well not breaking up the proper way can be even worse. sum up the courage and talk!

- Response by hibou, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 36-45, Lyon

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Loving relationship? Something must have gone wrong for you to do that. Was there a fight? I think you should let it rest for now. Maybe next time, you want to break up, call the guy and tell him. That way there are no misunderstandings. You both need closure and it is kind to talk about things even when you know they won't work out.

- Response by carrie1anne1, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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lol, i did the same thing you did, he also called me for a couple of days, than he stop. I really dont give a damn about giving him closure beacuse he treated me like shit.

- Response by A Player, Female, 26-28

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If he has stopped it means he has got the message, unless you need a closure? If you don't need a closure just move on.
If you guys were married or have been living together, it was different but since you were communicating on the phone, you didn't do anything wrong.

- Response by spring151, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Is he mad at me? Is he hurt? ..Probably. You might as well let it go. I'm sure it went exactly as you planned, a smooth breakup, no drama involved, no questions asked, & he is completely gone from your life. Wasn't exactly a loving way to end it but it's over now & I'm sure you are both better off. I'm sure he knows you're broken up by now. From the way you ended it you don't seem to care what his feelings about it are anyways. Just move on & if you do feel any guilt about it, learn from it. I wouldn't want to be broken up with this way, I'd be both mad & hurt. Especially if I felt love for the person but what is not ok to me isn't necessarily what is not ok to you. I myself would not break up like this but did break up with someone over the phone before. That wasn't much better & I do feel regrets about it now(not about ending it but how I did it & he'll never accept my apology), but it is what it is & it's over now.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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It's possible that he's both angry and hurt and it might be better to just let things go and not prolong the break up any longer...he probably knows now that you don't want anything to do with him and that's probably why he hasn't tried contacting's been long enough, it would be better to just let it go...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Ask yourself this: If you were in love with someone and they did this to you, how would u feel? Put urself in his shoes. I'm sure there is more to this story. Its been done to me and it hurt like hell. Then you wonder if hes hurt by this correct? That shows that you still care at least a little.

Me personally, would call him and say look I'm sorry this didn't work out and this is how I feel. Please don't call me text me write me or come by. I am sorry it had to end this way. Good bye.

That's just how I would do it. No drama and if he cuts in just say please let me say what I have to say and go from there.

that's probally the best way to do it. Otherwise it's gonna keep bothering you.

- Response by stace1977, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, San Jose

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You have taken the coward's way out. Give the man the courtesy of an explanation! You wouldn't like it if someone did this to you, would you? He'll be wondering for quite some time what it was he did to cause this, and will always have a bad memory of you lingering in his mind, and may even badmouth you to other people. Get it straightened out before you let it go.

- Response by experience101, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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My first boyfriend used this cowardly tactic. It is egoistic and evil, just done to spare yourself the inconvenience of having to see him react to the breakup. Do contact him and tell him. He is of course hurting and mad, and has every right to be.

- Response by klaxometro, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Everyone wants a smooth breakup, but it rarely happens. You just disappeared, which is cowardly and wrong. It hink you know that.
It almost seems to me that you WANT him to keep longing for you and keep calling you. Did he hurt YOU before all this happened? Did he cheat on you or hurt you in another way? In that case I can understand why you did what you did. But otherwise you need to get your act together and start acting like a grown woman. He deserves a real breakup, face to face, and an explanation from you.

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Do you think guys have feelings too?


- Response by brianmcev, A Jock, Male, 29-35

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You have no integrity or compassion.

You may even be a sociopath.

Do not ignore the majority of the people here. This should be all the proof you need that there is something seriously wrong with you. See a counselor.

- Response by vabyss, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I had someone do this to me and it hurt more than anything else. Dont be so selfish, its a terrible thing to do. People need answers. If you are going to hurt them you should atleast be willing to explain yourself.

- Response by lesliebby29, A Player, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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" "

- Response by lathen, A Player, Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental

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You sound very immature and need to grow up.
Just tell him to leave you alone and never try to contact you again.

- Response by flwoodpecker, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Other Profession

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You just got through saying you wanted a zero contact breakup.

So when he quits contacting you......??????????????

You see how crazy you sound?

- Response by hnygrl, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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No. Why are you so heartless?

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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Why are you asking us now? Seems as if you already decided.

- Response by birdland, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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How "loving" of a relationship can it be, if you can treat your "love" as though they are disposable?!

- Response by melodicmermaide, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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seriously? you are retarted. some chicks... ehh... i don't get it.

- Response by guy5432, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 36-45, New York, Who Cares?

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If I read you question right, you didn't tell him you were breaking up, you just stopped taking his calls. If that is correct then to be honest, that is pretty cowardly and very self-serving. How would you feel is someone you were involved with just cut you off, with no explanation?
Is he mad at you? I should hope so. I don't even know you and I'm kinda mad at you. Is he hurt? Yeah, because you hurt him.
To make your life easier, you just started to ignore him, didn't even bother to tell him you were breaking up with him.
Nice job.
I'm actually for good the guy. He dodged a bullet on this one.

- Response by falsehammer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Kansas City, Consulting

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Only if your a selfish, coward. Otherwise you owe him an explanation and a chance to speak his mind.

- Response by 1man4commonsense, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I have to concur... coward. And I'd add... child.

- Response by 66crab, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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I don't think that's an 'okay' way of doing it, but if it works..

- Response by An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25

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why don't you face the man and give him the respect he deserves for his own closure from it. thats just flat out rude of you to even consider to do to someone. he could have even thought something horrible happened to you, you are a bitch.

- Response by nonnahsvd, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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