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How do I leave my FWB?
Sex & Intimacy / 3:58 PM - Wednesday December 16, 2009

How do I leave my FWB?

I started dating this women (29) she has a kid (3), I told her it wasn't something I was ready for and we should remain friends, she suggested FWB which we have going on now. I have been very clear on why I don't want to commit to a relationship.

However, now she's getting all "I miss you lots", "we can spend xmas together", "we should go on a short vacation" etc...

Now I was happy to be friends, she wanted the FWB which of course I wanted too otherwise I wouldn't have done so. We came to an agreement over our circumstance and now she's getting too involved.

How do I leave/stop, or turn the clock back to just friends?

I need to add I have only met the kid once and I told her I should keep my distance from her kid in case he becomes attached to a new face.

Overall I dont want to hurt her but I need her to see its a waste of time developing feelings for me.

I used to be this Mr Nice guy and got treated poorly by women, and this is the first time I have done anything like this...just goes to show, play not interested and the women (not all) want you...really makes me wonder whats wrong with people (male and female)

- Asked by Male, Who Cares?

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You let her stop it,

You explain that FWB arrangement is not working because you see her going OUT OF BOUNDS of the arrangement and that if she cannot keep to the bounds originally set up, you'll have to end it. and then LEAVE IT UP TO HER.

If she comes back and says she wants more, you then end it saying you were very clear that was not an option. If she says she can handle it, then call her on every occasion when you think she is straying by saying "Bzzzz, your going out of bounds" Foul,

If she has developed feelings she cannot control, she will not be able to hold to your bounds or original agreement and it will become more obvious!

- Response by rafiki910, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Boston, Body Work

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Most people are just plain screwed up, man. The human mind is the most incredible, yet chronically defective computer ever devised. Doing what is truly good for us is the pinnacle of maturity that most people never reach.

I've been in that same situation, except I did meet the kids and they were all over me. I had never planned on anything serious with their mom, and she was trying to force it in that direction when I decided I needed to bail.

Just tell her it feels wrong because your heart just isn't in it. Honesty is the best policy.

- Response by vabyss, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

I have found that honesty usually works best in this sort of thing. Have a talk with her and be blunt about how her pressure for a more committed relationship makes you think an FWB thing isn't really OK with her.

You say you will never develop feelings for her which means it isn't just that you are in a phase in life that you might grow out of. It means you know she isn't who you want to be with, ever. Tell her that (in as nice a way as possible). If she can't emotionally handle now what she verbally acknowledged from the beginning then you are better off getting out before it gets more ugly.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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First, realize that you will not be able to only maintain a 'friendship' or 'FWB only' with this woman. She is obviously looking for a relationship and a family type situation. She was just hoping that that could be with you.

The best thing to do is to not get involved into a situation that you do not want to progress from the start. These things will likely never just stay the same.
Hrm... what do you expect to happen?

These are the options, Ok?

1. You can end the FWB once you both find someone better suited for each of you. This will be painful and sticky, as one probably will not be 'ready'.

2. You will stay FWB forever. Hrm... VERY unlikely.

3. One of you will have to just stop the FWB 'relationship' and ignore the other's reaction.

4. You both will want to end it cooperatively at the same time. (Hrm... Lol... yeah, right!)

As you can see... getting involved in something without considering the end result will land you in a very hard place.

Unfortunately, you will have to #3 in this situation, sadly enough. Anything else will just drag it out and cause more and more pain in the end. =-/

- Response by cutypy5840, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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Wait...your going to leave a girl that your just fucking for fun.....somethings wrong with this picture....beam me up scotty....

- Response by lab01, A Father Figure, Male, 46-55, St.Louis, Other Profession

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You just have to end it without worrying about her feelings. She's an adult and she's the one that suggested FWB. Of course you should know this was a desperate attempt by her to keep you in her life on some level so she could have time to "make" you fall for her or whatever. This is often the trouble with FWB's...ulterior motives. There's always one person that has secret desire and will eventually try to turn it into a relationship. You should've steered clear but since you didn't, you have to bite the bullet and just break it off all the way. You can tell her you feel she's developing feelings and you don't want to mislead her so you're going on your way. There's no other explanation needed. She may be hurt but you can't help that... that's her problem.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Give her a good hard spanking for getting so mushy and remind her that she's married. Don't see her for two weeks. Then invite her over for another hard spanking and fucking. Try a butt plug on her ass. Don't be the nice guy. Get some other babe as well. Its good to get two (or more) pussies on the same day. Enjoy her pussy but don't let her play the possession game on you.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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Well, you've made your intentions clear. That often happens with FWB arrangements - one party, generally the woman - develops stronger feelings and wants a real relationship. If you really truly don't want to be more entwined with this woman and her child, then you are wise to back away and not sleep with her. I know, that's not easy. But sleeping with her just gives her mixed signals about your feelings.

- Response by betterbird, A Creative, Male, 46-55, San Francisco, Administrative

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if you don't want that - you'll have to stop seeing her

I swear women are genetically programmed to "attach" and we bond through physical intimacy (sex) we can't help it

if she weren't bonded to you she'd probably have no interested in spending more time with you lol

that's the way we are programmed

you just have to say no and not compromise to have sex with her

let her get over it and move on because she can then find someone who can be her boyfriend

you'd be doing HER and YOURSELF a big favor


- Response by psfrannie, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Medical / Dental

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sounds like she lied to keep you around, and now the truth is starting to come you have a job ? she might want to get some of that income.. especially if there is a kid to provide for.. i wouldnt trust her..

you might want to look for a woman without kids

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 46-55, New York, Who Cares?

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You need to let her end it because if you try to end it now, it could end up ruining your friendship totally and you will end up losing a friend...this is one of the reasons why I quit getting into FWBs relationships because someone always seemed to get hurt no matter what...I wish you the best and hope things work out for you...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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My advice to you is to stop seeing this lady completely. She is past the stage of being friends with you. To continue any kind of relationship with her is mean.

Tell her in as few of words as possible that you are terminating your relationship with her on all levels.

Do this now. Do not wait for the holidays to be over or any other such nonsense deadline.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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well...I can only speak for myself but I can not have sex repeatedly with someone without a) developing deeper feelings or b)realizing I don't like them and therefore do not want to continue having sex with them....

break up with her...

- Response by meowmeowww, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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