Stop having sex with him. See, if he loses interest in initiating phone calls, dates, or visits, when he understands there will be no sex. If the only time he wants to get together with you is when there is sex involved that could be a sign. If you don't really hear from him, until he's horny; and, he uses the dates as foreplay for the sex later. It usually shows where his interest is. If he isn't really interested in anything about you, other than when you two go out, it's a pretty good sign that he might be in it as a fwb. But, know this, no guy uses a woman for sex. Women have to be equal partners in agreeing to it. If you don't want to have sex, don't. If you think he'll lose interest if you don't, because it's normal for him to want sex (which it is) then, you're not being honest with the type of guy you want. And, you really should not invest your emotions (love) in a person that you question, whether or not they're in it for the sexual relationship. Being in love is fine, if those feelings are reciprocated. Otherwise, that's really not love, but infatuation and desire. You fix it, by realizing what you're getting from a guy that only wants a sexual relationship, is well...a sexual relationship. And, hoping down the road that he'll fall in love with you could prove a painful waste of your time and life.
You might be missing out on a man that will want the same thing out of a relationship as you do. You can see the forest. That's why you're asking this question. If you can't give up a relationship that is hurting you. It's more neediness, desperation, and clinging that holding you there than love. And, that's what you need to fix. And, you are dead wrong about your statement, "you can't have it all my way." You most certainly can know what type of man you want, what type of relationship you want, how you want to be treated within that relationship, and who you want to have sex with. The problem is, you're settling for a facade. And, only you can change your situation with one honest conversation. You let this guy know what it is you truly want out of your relationship. You let this guy know that you have falling in love with him. And, you let him know you want more than a casual dating and sexual relationship. Then, listen to what he tells you. If he says something different from what your expectations are for this relationship. You let him know you want to move on. Yes, it will hurt. But, it will not last forever, and you will free yourself up to really experience real love with someone.
- Response by thelovedovefor1
, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?