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Wife hiding friends on facebook...
Married Life / 4:28 PM - Friday December 11, 2009

Wife hiding friends on facebook...

I confronted my wife about how upset I was that she had dinner and drinks with an ex boyfriend while on a recent out of town trip. She was apologetic and said she didn't realize it would bother me so much or she wouldn't have done it. I mentioned during our conversation that it kind of bugs me a she she is friends with this guy as well as several other ex's on facebook. The next day she reset her facebook page so nobody can see who she is friends with. Should I let it go as "none of my business" or should I ask her why she feels a need to hide who she is fb friends with now?

- Asked by Male, 36-45

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The issue isn't facebook, it is your mutual insecurities within this marriage...

Call a time out, get a counselor and learn to talk to each other and not about each other...

- Response by siouxzen, A Career Woman, Female, Who Cares?, Guadalajara, Self-Employed

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Well the change says something.

i also don't buy the didn't mention it because she didn't know it would bother you thing. Thats a big duh of course it would bother me. I'd be asking if she had sex with him

- Response by newnumbersguy32, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Financial / Banking

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I dont think having an ex in facebook is a BIG problem, but, seing them out of town yes. If she sais they are just friends, you should be introduced, maybe let them get a cup of coffee and pickher up personally

- Response by sailormoon, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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It is your business if she's meeting for dinner dates with exes & trying to leave you in the dark. I'd ask. FB isn't the problem, she is. She isn't respecting the boundaries of your marriage entertaining exes chatting about God knows what with. She is withholding from you & that will only inevitably damage your trust. Of course she knew it would bother you, that's exactly why she didn't tell you. Now you know & she definitely isn't being reassuring to you. It could all be innocent butr she is behaving in a way that appears that it is not.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Dude. Wake up. She's cheating on you. Everybody knows better than that. I'd say counseling or show her the door. She's not acting like a wife.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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If you weren't such a snoop, she may not have felt like she had to hid anything. she is your wife not you property. She has a right to have the friends she wishes. YOU had better back off or you won't have a wife.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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WOW!
This is such a 2-sided problem...and I don't know which way your wife is.
My husband has full access and can get on my Facebook and THIS site anytime he wants to - because I never log out...would he be upset by or worried by what he ready? Maybe? But he doesn't like the internet much & only checks his business email & gets back off.....he never looks at these sites.
I answer questions on her very honest & openly - sometimes I say things that I know he wouldn't want to see (on here)
and on Facebook I have a few x-boyfriends as "friends" - and I've mentioned the "connection" to him casually to my husband - as I didn't want it to be a secret & have had a few conversations with one of them - he was recently dumped & I talked him down "off the ledge". Would this upset my husband? Not sure? and if he ever came to town on business I've considered having dinner with him to catch up (we've been apart for 17 years - alot to catch up on)
I know ME...I have no interest whatsoever in ever touching another man!!! But I see no problem with keeping in touch with a few x's that aren't rude & pushy (thinking I'd be a booty call)
Hopefully that is your wife's story too
If he saw my conversations & answers on here and was upset - would I block him? YES! Because this is something I enjoy doing and I'm an innocent woman who is doing nothing wrong

- Response by Vickey69, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Did she tell you about the dinner & drinks??? OR did you find out by looking thru her facebook???

- Response by Vickey69, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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It IS your business. I also don't consider you a snoop. My husband has full access to my Facebook and vice versa. If she has something to hide (and I think she does), she will change her security settings so just her friends can see it. She had absolutely no right to have dinner and drinks with the ex. That's bullshit.

- Response by italiangypsy, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Philadelphia, Managerial

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Sorry honey, it does matter. She is married. Why does she feel the need to lie/hide it, if their only friends. If she wanted to work it out with you...she could have shared her facebook with you, I mean their only FRIENDS RIGHT.
If I did that to my husband, I know I would have something to hide.

- Response by A Hippie Chick, Female, Who Cares?, Teaching

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try not to be controlling with her just let her be her

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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I find it difficult to believe a spouse would NOT KNOW it would upset their S/O if they had dinner and drinks with an "ex." That just stands to reason. If the idea of her hiding her facebook friends bothers you, as I think it would and should, I would ask he about it. My bride and I work with the idea that "If we can't tell each other about something or have to hide it from each other, then we sould NOT be doing it."

- Response by bigdog52, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Oklahoma City, Science / Engineering

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Honestly you need to evaluate the situation. If she's hiding her friends on facebook you need to realize she's "Hiding" something from YOU. A marriage should be open and honest and there shouldn't be any secrets between you. Especially on facebook, which a place where people hook up, go on dates, and meet sex partners... so if she's on facebook you need to have access to her account to you need to be able to see all her friends. Because she needs to be accountable to you and vice versa. Simply put if she was in your shoes how would she feel? Honestly she's probably cheating on you and your scared to come to that conclusion... but if she's not giving you the reassurance that she's not then she is until proven innocent... pray that God show you the truth... cuz people cheat everyday and your relationship is not immune to that fact so don't lie to yourself.

- Response by coopcitybomber, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, New York

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If women broke up with the ex in a good term, and then find her in a so-so relationship, she will want back those good times in away or another. Probably men are the same!
Now to what extent she wants these good times back, depends on several factors. The truth is when I love my partner and respect him I never look back in anyway.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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She defined the terms of having other people in your marriage. Certainly ok for her to meet up with an ex out of town for dinner or whatever then that means it is ok for you to do the same thing. Allow other women into your life. She resets her facebook and does not allow you access so that is a pretty good indication that she is up to something. Not a whole lot you can do about it because if she is she is just going to lie anyway. If you keep pressing her on it then you will look insecure and controlling. Change your account and if other women want to talk to you then please allow them. Do not keep trying to dig up information on her because it will drive you crazy. Expand your female social group. She has expanded her male group. Do not be the victim just join in.

- Response by william45, A Career Man, Male, 46-55, Chicago, Teaching

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well given that you are facebook stalking her and harassing her about the ex...I don't blame her.

You two need to deal with your trust issues and boundaries or your relationship is is serious trouble

- Response by meowmeowww, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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