Do you believe in the Tooth Fairy?

There comes a time in a man's life when he has understanding. One day it just happens; a small, inconsequential piece falls into place and suddenly the entire puzzle is clear. Well, today was just such a day for me. An epiphany occurred. Suddenly the veil of clouds was gone and the truth shined through. This is not my first, and I know that it wont be my last, yet each one surprises me. Why wasn't this as clear to me yesterday as it is today? How stupid am I for not realizing sooner? Regardless, I have decided to let other fathers know of the deception that is taking place right beneath their noses. Perhaps I am naive, yet I can't help but think there are others who are today where I was yesterday. Today, that comes to an end!

One of the earliest memories that I have is a horrible one. My childhood innocence was destroyed, and I began to see things in a different light. It occurred when I was about seven years old. I had lost a tooth that day and anticipatingly placed it under my pillow for the Tooth Fairy. I knew (or thought I knew) that she would come and take my tooth and replace it with money. I believed in the Tooth Fairy with all my heart and soul. You can imagine my surprise when I awoke to find my father standing beside my bed with a crisp, neatly folded dollar bill in his hand. He was reaching for my pillow. I was devastated. A child has only so many teeth with which to collect from the Tooth Fairy, and here was my father stealing my money!

He tried to explain - he rambled through several improvisations with little effect on me. He even tried to convince me that the Tooth Fairy wasn't real. Can you imagine my hurt? My own father was trying to cover for his crime by making up a story about the Tooth Fairy being a myth. I went through the next several years (many year, actually), not truly trusting my father. Sure, He gave me the money, but that wasn't the point.

I lost many more teeth in the succeeding years and received faithful visits with monetary rewards. Each night, however, the incident revisited me. It held me captive until I found the money the following morning.

I struggled with the question of whether my father was stealing from me or the Tooth Fairy. I finally decided that it was the latter. It made me feel a little better. Sure, I had to figure out what kind of man would steal from the Tooth Fairy. I can't say that I ever got over this incident. I coped with it through the years by turning it into a joke. I would re-tell the story to friends who would get a kick out of it. It was at my expense, but it was coping - not an ideal situation.

Many years later, I became a father. I recall my daughter's first lost tooth with some joy and a little bit of fear. How was I going to handle this? Things went well for the first few visits. She dutifully put her tooth under her pillow and the Tooth Fairy came. I was really worried at first. My father's excuses had ingrained themselves in my mind, and I was beginning to question if the Tooth Fairy was real. What if my father was telling the truth? What if there was no Tooth Fairy? After a few visits, however, my faith was restored, and my disgust for my father as well.

Time went by, and I was really getting over the whole thing. Then my daughter began asking questions about the Tooth Fairy. "Daddy," she'd say, "Where does the Tooth Fairy live? Where does she get all of the money from? And what does she do with all of the Teeth?" I was horrified! The stories that my father had told me were racing through my mind. Panic overcame me, and I stuttered. Fortunately, I had one of those father moments and was able to provide an adequate response, "I don't know, honey. Now close your eyes and go to sleep." (Thanks Grandma.)

It wasn't long after this that she lost another tooth. This time, she was prepared. My daughter had scribbled a note to the Tooth Fairy asking these same questions. I guess she was asking directly, since I did not know. I didn't think much of it. "Let the Tooth Fairy answer it." I told my wife. "The Tooth Fairy," she responded, "doesn't answer notes." Being the typical father, I wasn't worried about it. I was certain that another father moment would arrive when she awoke and found that she did not respond. I even started mentally preparing for the questions that would surely come.

Unfortunately, my wife had other ideas. She was almost in a frenzy. "You have to write a response," she said, "and place it under her pillow." I can't tell you what was said or what happened for the next several minutes. It was like a flashback in a movie; I just stood there and watched the scene play out in front of me. This time, however, instead of my father's face, I saw mine. It's not that I would ever steal from my daughter or the Tooth Fairy, all I could envision was my daughter waking up to see me place this note under her pillow. "No," I said, "I will not do it!" Sure, I could come up with the answers, but I was not about to get caught in a compromising situation. You can imagine my relief when she told me that she would do it. So, I sat down at the computer and began writing.

I answered her questions - well not all of them. I wrote a note telling her that the Tooth Fairy lived in Heaven with God. It was her job to go around and collect all of the lost teeth and take them back to Heaven and present them to God. God would then take the teeth and place them inside of clamshells in the bottom of the ocean; there, they would eventually become pearls. That is why, I said, your teeth are sometimes referred to as your pearly whites. You would be surprised what a fancy font, some tracing paper, some hairspray, and some glitter can produce. It was quite convincing. It turned out great. My daughter got her money from the Tooth Fairy along with a returned letter that she could frame. Everyone was happy.

There was only one little problem left. One question kept haunting my soul. "Daddy, where does she get her money from?" I never could figure that one out. Then my second daughter began losing teeth. By this time, my wife and I had been married for a while. Two kids, a house, cars, bills.all of these made sure that I was never as financially free as I was with my first daughter. I started noticing that every time my daughter lost a tooth, money was missing from my wallet. I wasn't sure about it, but I began to suspect something was wrong. Perhaps my wife was taking some money from me coincidentally. Well, I finally decided to find out. A few nights ago, my daughter informed me that she had lost another tooth. It just so happened that I only had one bill in my wallet and it was a five dollar note that was partially torn. If it happened again, I was going to search my wife's purse and find out for sure.

Well, I woke the next morning to find an empty wallet. Ah-ha, I thought, I was finally going to catch my wife taking money. You can imagine my shock and outrage when my daughter showed up with my five-dollar bill! "Hey, that's my five dollars," I yelled. "No," she said, "the Tooth Fairy left it for me last night." It was a slap in the face. I smiled and said "of course it is" as I thought to myself, "well, we now have the answer - the Tooth Fairy is a thief!" Not only is she a thief, she is a real bitch, as well. She let me go on thinking bad about my father all of these years. In actuality, he must have figured out what she was up to and tried to retrieve his money when I caught him.

So now I am completing the picture for those fathers that have not yet figured it out:

First, I believed in my father and the Tooth Fairy
Next, I believed in the Tooth Fairy and resented my father
Then, I stopped believing in the Tooth Fairy and resented my father
After that, I believed in the Tooth Fairy and still resented my father
Finally, I find out that the Tooth fairy is a Bitch and my father was her victim


MM