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Active Questions

Is dirty text messaging cheating?
Sex & Intimacy / 8:41 AM - Tuesday December 08, 2009

Is dirty text messaging cheating?

I've been seeing my boyfriend 1yr now. Last night i found dirty pics of randome girls in his email. He's done it before about 3 months into our relationship i found some messages on his phone from some girl,he had me hold his phone while he was in the dentist and she texted him i read the messages got up set i freaked out he apologized we made up and i forgave just didnt quite forget. he's been texting a lot on his phone lately and so i checked he had one message going out to some number not mine saying hey sexy so then i checked his email and he had quite a few pictures in his email of different girls and i just honestly dont know what to do. i love him so much.

Update: December 10, 2009.
Thanks for responding i guess i just have a lot to think about. But thank you just the same

- Asked by A Career Woman, Female, 26-28, Teaching

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obviously, he doesnt think hes getting enough out of your relationship and thinks that the way to fill his needs is to go to someone else..but he still loves you alot and wants to be with you (thats why youre still together) so i really think you guys need to sit down and talk about could end up ruining your relationship in the end.. :(

- Response by golferchic01, A Hippie Chick, Female, 22-25, Oklahoma City, Student

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If he loved you and only you, he wouldnt do that.
Time to re-evaluate the relationship. It won't get better, it will get worse.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

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Community Rating: Community Star

I'll probably get a lot of flack and hate mail, but I am guilty of this, too, as well as talking on chat lines for phone sex...always and only when my g/f makes it clear she it too tired or doesn't want sex.. I can tell you to me it means nothing, and I certainly really love my girlfriend and no one else. It is just like looking at porn or a dirty mag, only you do it with someone you meet online. I don't let it get past the cyber stage, and there is no physical sex. I am pretty sure it isn't "right," but she realizes now that it is just another way to get my rocks this point, she has confessed to me that when I was out of town, she went on line and chatted up some guys.

In the cyber age, it is much easier to do such the past, you would not have occasion to meet someone or talk to them without an actual in-the-flesh meeting. So this fact has complicated things a great deal.

I certainly don't endorse or justify it, but I also don't think it is anywhere close to cheating in the same way as actually having physical sex with someone else. If he looked at Playboy or Penthouse, or porn, he would be looking at other women. You may not like that either, but you probably would not see it as cheating.

These are also other women, except he is talking to them. But if there is no actual meeting, there are limits to how much can happen. The goal of sexting is the same as looking at porn or get titillated by looking at pics of naked ladies.

Not sure how to handle is really your call.

You could do any of the following:

1) Ignore it and stop looking so you don't torture yourself.
2) Tell him you love him so much and are very hurt and you'd like him to stop. Ask him if he has ever met or had sex with any of them in person. If he has, then you have a bigger crisis.
3) You could try to provide whatever it is he is getting from this and try to compromise with him...maybe tell him you will send him pics of YOU if he likes that kind of thing. Spice up your sex life by role playing. Go to a bar...have him meet you there. Pretend you don't know each other. Have him buy you a drink. Play hard to get. Do all of this in front of the bartender and other customers. After telling him to buzz off, have him eventually win you over. Then take him home and fuck him.
3) Ask him what exactly is lacking and what he gets out of it. Don't act like you are admitting there is anything wrong with you...there isn't, but maybe he wants something he isn't getting and is too embarrassed to verbalize it. Maybe he wants to explore some sexual taboos and is afraid to tell you about them.

In short, just open up to him and get it all out in the air. Try to stay calm and avoid finger wagging. If you find out there has been actual physical infidelity, then you have a much bigger problem and might consider calling it quits.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, New York, Teaching

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Yes it is.

- Response by rafiki910, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Boston, Body Work

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You are only in love with the person you wish he was.When you get sick of being cheated on you will move on.Only you can tell yourself that you deserve better.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

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- Response by akinaa, A Hippie Chick, Female, 22-25

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Yes it is...

- Response by kaffroake, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Yes, it absolutely is cheating. And if he hasn't been physically cheating this entire time, I would be very surprised.

- Response by vabyss, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Probably time to dump him! Do you really want to always be upset and suspicious? Obviously he's not interested in having a monagomous relationship. He's keeping his options open. He may be doing a lot more than just texting and talking with these other girls. Sorry, he's a creep. Good luck.

- Response by dolphingirl44, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Tampa, Veterinary

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- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Celebrity

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Cheating is anything you can't tell your s/o. If he's hiding text messages and pics to and from other girls, he's cheating.
You shouldn't have to hide your relationships with other people from you mate.

- Response by falsehammer, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 29-35, Kansas City, Consulting

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you could avoid such morally awkward crises in your life if you did not text message but, perhaps, read a good book instead.

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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