Back to Home

Active Questions

Why are women who date a person in prison considered to have low self esteem?
Dating / 9:42 AM - Wednesday November 25, 2009

Why are women who date a person in prison considered to have low self esteem?

This question raises question to me I personally am dating someone in prison but dated him and knew him 13 years before he ended up there. He is not in prison for murder, child molestation or anything actually conspiracy to commit a crime that wasn't actually committed he was guilty by association. I don't have low self esteem I've been with my guy for a long time and I have had time to date others who weren't in prison or never been in prison and they treated me like shit. Where my boyfriend treats me much better than them and I don't have other issues either as women who date prisoners are classified as. I work a very good job I live on my own I have my own car and I'm still furthering my education and he hasn't taken me from my path at all. I chose to stick by my boyfriend because I know who he is and I'm not one to past judgment on anyone we are all human and humans make mistakes. But I'm just curious as to why women who date prisoners are considered to have low self esteem?

- Asked by Female, 26-28

Read more about the Rating System


Be careful with stereotypes. Just because someone out there made the comment doesn't hold true for EVERYONE. Many women who write letters and then date men in prison are lonely and yes, have self esteem issues. There is little to gain from a hardened criminal especially when you met after the conviction.
Obviously, your case is not the same so stop worrying about what others think....unless you are questioning yourself!

- Response by livestolaugh, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

Rating Received:


First, women that date someone that GOES to prison after the fact is not in the same category as someone that goes for a prisoner that's been in prison from the start of the relationship. A Woman that is willing to sacrifice all of the aspects of a healthy relationship is either scarred to the point that she won't risk a relationship with an available man or so insecure she only feels safe when she knows a Man has only her to rely on and he can't go anywhere else with anyone else (except Butt Buddy Bubba). In either event, that's a case of a woman that is damaged goods in some aspect and has low self-esteem.

In cases like yours, well it depends. If this guy is hanging out with criminals and in jail for a long time, why would you sit around waiting for him, letting opportunities pass you by? He's going to have to deal with parole and/or probation for years, have limited work ability, has to find new associations b/c he'll surely go back to jail if he hangs with same crowd that landed him there-- so the drama just starts when he gets out. Why are you signing up for that if you're so together?

I haven't heard you say you love him. I haven't heard you say he treated you great (treating you *better than* sh*t -which is your standard measure- doesn't mean he's treating you well). Besides, it's YOUR issue for continuously choosing guys that treated you like sh*t before so yeah, maybe you do have low self-esteem because that seems to be the main reason you're with this guy. He can be the nicest guy in the world while he's sitting in prison, lonely and desperate.

Knowing him for 13 years doesn't mean you actually dated him that long so how long were you dating? If you only dated a few months and he is going to be there for years, you're wasting your time. If you dated for years and he's going to be there for a few months, ok..maybe. But that doesn't mean you have a healthy self-esteem or that you know how Men should treat Women. You should spend some time working on yourself while he's away. Hopefully you'll have a clearer idea of yourself when he gets out and can make a common sense decision.

- Response by thottienc, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

Oh jeeze, I'm kind of in the same situation as you. You can private message me if you want.

- Response by greeneyedbeauty88, A Thinker, Female, 22-25

Rating Received:


So your argument is basically that men in prison are better more respectfull of women then the guys outside.
So that leaves me with a couple possibilities.
A. extreme luck, You found someone who is good who is in prison and found only bad out of prison. Possible
B. You have a skewed view of what treating women right means. SOmetimes due to low self esteme sometimes because of other factors. Also very possible. Every woman seems to have their own definition.

Society today lothes blaming women for their own choices, and instead uses the cach phrase low self estem to mitigate the blame. It's not alwasy low self estem, often just a skwewd view of life and odd emotions over-riding logic. "Him beating me means he loves me"

Most people look at these two choices and know that B is more likely. So they assume it is in your case.

- Response by jjcabin, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Washington, DC, Technical

Rating Received: