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He told me he cheated....
Dating / 6:34 AM - Saturday November 21, 2009

He told me he cheated....

My ex and I broke up 7 months ago. We were together for 2 years. We are now trying to work it out(ie. couples counselling, communication was our main issue). So he confessed to me that he cheated on me. He said it happened one time. He had sex with the girl and then she never wanted to talk to him again. She was drunk and regretted the whole thing. He showed me the im's and emails between them.

He said he could not work it out with me, knowing that he did that and didnt tell me. He said he was feeling rejected by me because i was neglecting him. I got a new job and it was taking up a lot of my time. I brushed him off a lot. I admit that.

But he was suppose to be the one that wouldnt hurt me or do that to me. He was suppose to be different.


I know I should not have brushed him off and ignored him. I chose work instead. I know this, but he didnt have to do that.
We dont have a counseling session unitl monday. I love him and he loves me.

He is paying for the counseling, so i know he really wants us to work things out.

How do i know this will not happen again, How do I really know that was the only time???????

Help me!!!

- Asked by Female, 26-28

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I think you need to discuss your questions at your counseling session(s). You need to ask him these questions directly!

I agree that what he did (cheating) was not right but what you did by putting work above him was not right either. Are you willing to try to not do that to him anymore?

He definately has shown he is trying to make your relationship work by being honest enough to admit his wrongdoing. Have you admitted to him you did him very wrong by brushing him off and ignoring him. It is great that you admit this to yourself but have you admitted that to him?

How would you feel if he ignored you and placed work above you. Would you feel rejected? Are you willing to make a real effort not to ignore him and cause him to feel rejected?

I know men frequently do this (put work above the relationship or their wife). How many women do you know that have gone out and had an affair because a man ignores them? It happens a lot!

If you love him as much as it appears he loves you, I think you need to accept that he is trying to get everything out in the open and not having any secrets that may cause problems if you found out later. Men many times do not admit the wrongdoing because the chances of the woman finding out are slim! He has shown he is different and wants to have things right with you!

- Response by bobseashore75, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Retired

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you bring up some very good and valid points. and you're not going to like the answer. you'll NEVER know if it will happen again or not, and you'll NEVER really know that THAT was the only time.

but, you can learn to trust him again. and have a normal relationship. it takes time. so, its up to you. do you want to spend all this time and effort repairing the relationship? is it worth it to you? is everything else or was everything else in the relationshp worth it to contiue down this very bumpy road? or do you feel you are better off without him? even if you get back to the beginning of the relationship where everything was its best, will that be good enough for you?

and once you've made your decision, then act upon it. if you feel it is worth it, then GIVE him and the counseling your ALL to make it work. if not, then dump him now like a hot potato while you are young enough to find a REAL man. and realize, there is no guarantee the next man or the one after that, or the 20 more after that won't cheat also. that is a chance you take.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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You don't. You have to figure out if you love him enough to look past it, and move on and TRULY move on, because a relationship without trust isn't a relationship. You deserve all the time you need to figure out if this is something you truly think you can get past...personally I don't know if I could. But, it's really hard for me to trust guys as it is, so something like that is like murder for a relationship to me...


On the other hand, he was honest with you-it's not like you found out on your own, and he does seem sincere to want to work things out. Like I said, there's no solid way for you to know this won't happen again-but it wasn't your fault. Neglecting him or not, cheating is unacceptable.

Good luck!

- Response by ac8604, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 22-25, Detroit, Student

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If it is going to work you have to learn to trust again.He actualy sounds sorry and ready to grow up.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Per your post: he seems sincere. And if he's feeling that badly about it, enough to go for couples counseling, he wants the relationship to work. Let him know your work is your work, and very important to you. But that he's still important to you as well, and that things will even out in time.

I've been there, and divorced over cheating. I forgave him the first time, but never forgot it. When he cheated the second time. I went with what my grandmother always said "Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me."

And it's funny, he and she are divorced now too because he cheated.

Karma is a bitch.

- Response by tortureu2, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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