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Who is right? Last month I found out I was pregnant by my boyfriend. We agreed to having an abortion
Dating / 9:27 PM - Thursday November 19, 2009

Who is right? Last month I found out I was pregnant by my boyfriend. We agreed to having an abortion

but I did not want to tell my parents or his. The only person I ever told anything to was my best friend Manny*. Well there was no way we could afford it on our own so we decided to think of other ways. My boyfriend had this expensive electric guitar that he really loved but said he would sell it to pay for the abortion. So he did, then gave me the money about 2 days before. Well that night for some reason my mother and I got into deep conversation and I told her my plans. She then said she would go with me and also that her insurance that covered me, would also pay for in full. So we went and did it and then with the money my boyfriend had given me I used it to recover, I bought comfort food and things that would make me feel better. I never told him about it, but turns out a few days ago my friend Manny told him how my mothers insurance paid for it and I didn't use his money for that purpose. He came to my house seriously angry, put a hole in my wall, broke a chair and told me to f off and that I knew he loved that guitar more than anything and spent the money from it on crap. Who do you think is right? I did not get myself pregnant, I am the one that had to go through the trouble of an abortion he did not have to do anything, so why shouldn't he have to pay such a small price?

Update: November 19, 2009.
Thanks for the responses, also no need to be rude. I am on birth control and have been for over a year without ever missing a dose. I am 19, and my mothers insurance covers me until I am 25 as long as I remain a full time student. I also know if I gave him back the money all he would of done was go buy his guitar back, I never realized what kind of man he actully is until recently.

Update: November 19, 2009.
Okay once again if you are not going to read the entire post do not bother to answer. I was on birth control for over a year without ever missing a dose, so stop saying I should of used preventitive measures, I DID. But guess what it obviously only 98% effective, like they have always made clear. I am sick of people thinking just because someone got pregnant they were not using preventitive measures!

- Asked by Female, 18-21

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I can understand the horrible trauma of having to go through an abortion alone(even though your mom went with you) and to be honest, I think that both of you had good reasons but your boyfriend should realize that he didn't have to give up anything except a guitar(which I'm sure he could probably save up to buy another one) and you gave up something that was living inside of you because you weren't ready(by the way, that was a good choice and probably the hardest thing you will ever have to do)...he should understand that even though the insurance paid for it, had you gotten a prescription from the doctor and had used the money from the guitar to pay, would it have mattered as much...he gave up something that could be replaced and you gave up a piece of yourself, he should have paid more and should have been there...he's being a jerk and shouldn't even have a say in what you did with the money because he 'gave' it to you and it was yours to do with as you wished...:D

- Response by fastball, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Student

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You made someone you like sell a prized possession so you could pig out on junk food?

That is soooooo skid.

Yes, he owned you chips and chocolate..riiiight.

Bad karma...your going to get something back on you for that.

- Response by mafiamans1girl, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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Community Rating: Community Star

Everything about this question is horrifying.

- Response by whatdat, A Life of the Party, Male, 22-25, Denver

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I'm sorry, but you were wrong.

He sold his guitar and gave you the money. But when you ended up being covered by your Mom's insurance, you should have given the money back to your boyfriend.

I know you've been through a lot. But still, that would have been the right thing to do.

- Response by piscesrising, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Boston, Internet / New Media

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Without getting into the fact that you should not have spent his money on comfort food. How old are you? As soon as my son turned 18, because he isn't mentally or physically challenged and at that time did not go to college, he was no longer a dependent and my very good insurance stopped covering him.

- Response by phoenixbandit, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Columbus, Law Enforcement

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You should have given him the money back. He sounds like a decent guy that would have bought you all the comfort food in the world that you needed. But you essentially tried to pull a fast one on him behind his back and got caught.

He was decent, you were not......

- Response by selectivegirlsdna, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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okayy well me personal would never get an abortion. but you did waat you have to do. i think that he should get over himself. you were the one who had to "kill" the poor baby. all he had to do wass have a great time "gettin with you". i think you DID the right thing on spending the money on comforting stuff you needed it. and i would dump that friend becasue appearantly she isnt a good one. but i hope that everythign works out for you <33

- Response by alwayshere318, A Player, Female, 18-21, Chicago, Student

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For everyone who answered, her "bad move" wasn't the abortion - a woman has a right to choose over her body - regardless if she is taking precautions or not.

Her bad move was her love of food...

- Response by mafiamans1girl, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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he paid a huge price. he offered to be responsible for a situation that involved both of you, both financially and emotionally. by your own words, he gave up something to finance a proceedure mutually decided on by both of you without any financial input from you. when, the proceedure was paid for by other sources, he should have been reimbursed at LEAST half. you had no right to take his money without imforming him of the changes in the payment options.

- Response by divadancer2, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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I want to respond to you hun, but I'd rather do it privately, could you please continue this conversation privately?

I will say what your boyfriend did was wrong (don't think in the private message I'll lecture you or anything like that. Promise).

- Response by shawlkin, A Thinker, Female, 18-21

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I'm sorry you had to go through with this abortion on your own and he wasn't there to support you but he did give you the money to pay for it and yet your mother's health insurance covered it. It was wrong of you to spend the money on yourself for comforts and you should have returned the money to him. At least he could have gotten his guitar back perhaps or at least let him do something for you after the abortion.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, San Francisco, Who Cares?

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He sold his prized guitar and that was what he was willing to give up for you getting an abortion. I think you should have been honest. Tell him your mom's insurance would cover it and would like to use the money to maybe get away instead of eat it away.

- Response by sexyexotica, A Sportif, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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You didn't pay anything. and you kept his money, money he gave you FOR an abortion. That was just plain wrong. The only money you should have kept was the money for a copay baring that you should have forked over the money.

- Response by bellabyrdie, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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Sorry you had to go through getting an abortion. However, you should have given the money back once you had found out that your mom's insurance covered it. Also, you should talk to your friend Manny and should have mentioned that you should get in between you and you boyfriend, When you tell a friend, they don't have the right to speak your business. So here you learned that you friend Manny is not reliable. He sounds like he wanted you to break up. Does Manny have feelings for you? Find out because it wasn't right for him to say anything in the first place. But if I were you get the money and buy his guitar back and make amends to your boyfriend. And Also, you should be selective to what you say to your friend Manny. good Luck

- Response by womanv, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, New York, Self-Employed

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You were wrong.

He gave you the money FOR A SPECIFIC PURPOSE.
It doesn't matter what that purpose was.
When you didn't use the money for that
purpose, you should have returned it.

So what if he was going to buy back his guitar.
That was HIS DECISION to make, not yours.
You got got PREGNANT not married.
Until you get married or a court order, you
don't get to decide what he does with his life
except whether or not he gets to f--k you.

Grow Up.

And as for being on birth control pills as
"preventive" measures. Puhleeze. You've only
been on them a year, so you don't even really
know how effective they are for you... You only
know you hadn't gotten pregnant YET.

In the general population of adult women, it
is "only 98% effective." BUT the younger the
woman, the LESS EFFECTIVE it is, and it's
effectiveness increases with time used.

You cannot t just take the clinic's word for
it, this is YOUR FUTURE. You need to educate
yourself and take FULL responsibility for your
own prophylaxis.

That means recognizing that you have AT LEAST
a 1/50 chance of getting pregnant if you use
nothing but the pill. 1/50. Feel Lucky?

How about now?



- Response by cd92835, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45

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I don't think it matters whose wrong.

Your boyfriend is a violent person, breaking chairs and punching holes in things. You should be happy that you found this out now before marrying and having a child with him.

I honestly think you should have been honest about the money, but since it was sold already he should have rather been thinking about the trauma you were going through. You should have told him though, said your moms insurance paid for it and you used the money to help you through the physical and emotional recovery.

He should not have reacted as violently as he did though, and that he did was a major eye opener and a red flag that he would eventually turn that violent behavior on you.

- Response by milla, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35

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Maybe so.But the money was for the abortion and only that.He loved that guitar.You should have given the money back so he could go and get his guitar back.You buying so called comfort food was very wrong.One thing you learn in a relationship is to compromise.It was good of him to get you the money in the first place.And it would have been just as good of you to give it back, when you did not need it for the abortion.I really do not blame your boy friend for being mad at you.It takes two too tangle.And why do you think he should not have went and bought his guitar back? :)

- Response by roanna, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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There are 2 issues you are dealing with. The trauma of what you went through and the fact that you were deceptive about what you were using your boyfriend's money for. It sounds like you feel justified because you are the one who had to go through such a traumatic event, while physically, he got off without having to do anything.

I understand that you feel the least he could have done is provide comfort after all you went through, but you should have let him step up and provide it. Instead you lied. You should have been upfront about not needing his money for the procedure and explained to him that you needed comfort. His reaction was overly dramatic, but I don't know what his attachment was to his guitar. You've both been through something life-changing and reacted in different ways. I would apologize for being dishonest and tell him why I did it. If you're old enough to be an adult and have sex, you're old enough to apologize like one.

- Response by mssassychica, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35, London, Executive

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I think he was more mad at the fact of you keeping things from him. I understand his point. I dont think it was all about the guitar. I think he would have been equally mad if he sold his TV. I think you did the right thing on having an abortion if you were not ready to have a child. Its fine that your moms insurance paid for the procedure but you bf should have been there with you to support you emotionally. He acted like the little boy he is. Man enough to make babies but a child when it comes to being supportive and facing life. It is very easy to say heres the money, now go do what u have to do. Your emotional health is more important than a guitar. If he was mad he should have waited till later on to argue about money. Although, you should have been honest to him before spending the money. Or told him that you wanted to spend some of it to recover from the abortion.

- Response by lokipr, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Medical / Dental

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You say you never realised what kind of man he actually was but I think he is an okay guy he just flipped, it's not that he's bad it's just that it hit a nerve for him to have sacrificed his beloved guitar and then later discovered from your interfereing mutual 'friend' that his money went on your pampering-which you needed. I think he misses the point, he could have pawned the guitar and YOU should be his number one priority not an instrument. I think the aftercare that the money went on was part of the abortion process but you could have let him know that your mum would be covering the cost.

- Response by anything08, A Thinker, Female, 22-25

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It takes two to get pregnant you're right, but at the same time the only birth control that is 100% effective is abstinence. You shouldn't have spent the money. It was wrong and he has the right to be a little upset. I understand you went thru a difficult experience, but you were wrong.

- Response by ajeepgirl67, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Medical / Dental

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I definitely think what you did was just. All of these people on here are lecturing you about being careless and what not and I bet none of them have been through what you were faced with so who are they to judge? For those who claim they have had an abortion and didn't need comfort food- they are just ignorant. Do you guys not realize everyone is different? Just because you handled the situation one way doesn't mean everyone recovers the same way! I could understand that your bf would be upset that he heard it from someone else but you definitely need to end things with him because he is hot tempered. It's just a guitar- I think what you went through is a little more important. I wish you the best of luck!

- Response by starlight1205, A Life of the Party, Female, 22-25

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I would have given him the money back so he could buy his guitar back.. think if the situation was reversed, and you sold your favourite gold earrings and gave him the money and then he blew it on comfort food?? Which is alot of comfort food by the way!! Wouldnt you be pissed the f**k off? I know I would be!!!!!

- Response by experienced123, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Student

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Ok he was wrong for messing up your house like that. But at the same time you are equally wrong. Yes, he contributed to getting you pregnant but he was man enough to stand up and sell one of his prized possessions to do the right thing by you. And you used that money he gave you on comfort food.I don't think that is right or fair at all. I mean what you did only makes me wonder if you were looking for some way to get back at him all along for getting you pregnant in the first place. Using the money he gave you from selling his most treasured possession to which he probably will never get back now, to comfort yourself is very selfish. I also have to wonder where did your mom go off to while you were comforting yourself. Cause if she was there to have a deep enough conversation and to cover the procedure getting done, why couldn't she have bought you the comfort food and been there for you?

P.S. have you realized what kind of woman you are? I mean you admit to knowing he would have gotten back his guitar but yet you some how don't see that as an ok thing to do or even the right thing for him to do? I can again only wonder if you spent that money as quick as possible because in some way you may have felt threatened by his guitar. I know most may say that sounds silly, but really I have known people to be jealous of all kinds of things when the attention is not on them all the time.

- Response by CursedRomantic, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Columbus, Student

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Manny is a bogus friend!

- Response by A Couch Potato, Male, 26-28, Chicago, Self-Employed

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You should have told him instead of having him get the truth second hand.

- Response by TheSshhmoe, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Student

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You spent the guitar on "comfort food"...
I can't blame him... My guitar is FAMILY!

- Response by geester, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

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You should have told him, that moms ins took care of the abortion. Yeah, I say he must have loved that guitar more than Life. there isnt any rights or wrongs re: the guitar. You feel you needed the comfort foods and he feels he was ripped. I hope u get on bc.

- Response by dreamspinner, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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You're dead wrong. You paid NOTHING. Your mom's insurance helped you out, and you were keeping the truth from your bf. He had every right to be pissed, and you should be deeply ashamed; not only that, but if you had any decency left, you'd pay back every cent he borrowed you FOR the abortion. He didn't give that money to you for crap food.





- Response by jillopo, An Alternative Girl, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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What you did was wrong! He manned up sold his guitar to help pay for something you did together You are covered under mommys ins and keep the money you shouldve told him the truth. And so what if he was gonna buy the guitar back at least he made an effort to try and help and you used the money for "comfort food and recovery" PLEEASE! I have to take his side on this one that was way wrong of you.

- Response by An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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YOU WERE WRONG! I'm sorry but your boyfriend gave you this money for the sole purpose of getting an abortion, not for comfort items. He gave up something he treasured to make sure that this was taken care of. I would of been pissed! If you needed comfort items then why not just ask your MOM? Also, why the dishonesty here. You could of always called your bf and told him that your mom's insurance covered the procedure and then asked if you could use the money for items needed.

So basically in the end you lied and were selfish!

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Dallas, Who Cares?

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Who's wrong or right isn't really an issue anymore bc what's done is done. I'm actually wondering how much flippin' food you needed for comfort??? I've had an abortion and it was nearly 4hundred dollars. What did you really spend the money on?

- Response by zinerva, An Engaged Girl, Female, 29-35, Dallas

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OMG! Why are you having sex if you are not able to take full responsibility for the consequences? Priorities, are they not in your vocabulary and what does your Mother use for a brain? You should have used that money to get some consuling. If you have any money left, go buy some birth control.

- Response by 3wiltedroses, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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He did not have to do anything? Small price? Recover?

There is sooo much wrong here....Even without going into the fact of how inexpensive that birth control can be, or that you can obtain it free at clinics...even without saying that you would not have needed to recover if you had used preventative measures,..this is so wrong.

don't be surprized if your man considers it a deal breaker. Of course you are not seeing that he gave his prized possession to your joint "cause". And your not seeing that this action was huge on his part, and WAS a sacrifice. your not even seeing that your not telling him the whole story was as good as an outright lie. What did you need the money for: candy, hot chocolate, a cozy blanket? ...make you feel better? Had you both considered adoption?

I am just sad for the lost life. It's just really sad.

- Response by nysbikergirl, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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If I were in your place, I would have given the money back. Your boyfriend sold something that he cared about to help you out. You then went out and used the money to buy stuff to make yourself feel better. What did you buy? Jewelry? Ipod? Because abortions are at least $300, so don't tell us you spent the entire amount on food. Yes, you didn't get yourself pregnant, but he was the father of your baby.

I think you are a selfish person. All you care about is your feelings. You don't care about your bf feelings. It is good that you didn't have the baby because you are not mature enough to be a good mom.

- Response by angelita, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Denver, Other Profession

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