Thank you for your many years of support. We want to share the news with you that after much consideration, will cease operations in its present format on October 15th. We appreciate your meaningful contributions over the years.
Back to Home

Active Questions

What is he hiding? Why won't my husband let me see his bank statement?
Married Life / 9:54 PM - Thursday November 12, 2009

What is he hiding? Why won't my husband let me see his bank statement?

Married over 5 yrs, we have a joint account for household bills, and the rest of our pay goes to our own personal accounts. He continues to withdraw money from the joint for things we agreed not to do, (entertainment). I have shown him my personal account, but he refuses to let me see his. I am so angry, I have been hurt in the past with deception with money. We have a mortgage together and also i'm on his motorcycle loan. I'm there for him, but I can't even see his other account? Why? I've threatened him that we are done, if he doesn't show me his account. What should I do?

Update: November 12, 2009.
the mortgage and the bills are getting paid. So,there are no creditors after us. When i questioned him about the withdrawals from the joint account that should have came from his own personal account (not just beer), he said he would put more back in the joint. my problem is he refuses to let me see his account. I don't trust him now.

Update: November 12, 2009.
I've asked him for marriage counselling, sex therapist counselling, go see a doctor to see what is wrong with him, he has done nothing... He won't do it.

Update: November 12, 2009.
on our personal accounts, it is only addressed to that person. But, yes you are correct, it is a crime to open someone else's mail. But I am his wife, and I need to know how much debt he is in, am I right?

Update: November 12, 2009.
I would hate to go to these extremes, I know he has a credit card too, which is probably a very high balance, I always pay mine off. We had arguments before about this, but his defense is he always makes his payments on time, so don't worry or I should care about it. I feel I barely have a marriage, I feel like a friggin roomate. I've expressed this to him, and he says I'm being a drama queen.

Update: November 12, 2009.
Wow, I never thought of that, it would only cost me $35.00 to do it. But then, I would have to get excuses to go the PO Box, then he would wonder why my statment came in and not his.. We carpool to work each day together. I would have to take up jogging outside every night. lol

Update: November 12, 2009.
When we get the mail, his statement vanishes very quickly, he tears it up without me seeing it.

Update: November 12, 2009.
I only have access to our joint account, not his personal account. Same with mine, he can't take money out of mine or see details without my permission. I don't think the bank would allow me to see it, my name is not on it.

Update: November 12, 2009.
When I mentioned "entertainment" it is for purchases at the beer store.

Update: November 12, 2009.
I know he is not fooling around, he is not alone enough for that, plus he has no sex drive. Not with me anyway. I'm positive he is not seeing another woman. However, I do question that he may be putting us in debt, and the reason he doesn't want me seeing the account, is because it's in the RED.. which means, I will pay for that in the end.

- Asked by mickeylight52, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

Read more about the Rating System

If you really threatened him, then you need to be prepared to follow through. Sorry.

- Response by carinabay, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Lawyer

Rating Received:

You are married and that is not a good thing. He is hiding something, but you already know that. Usually the only thing there is to hide is MONEY. He could have more of it than he has let you know about. And, he COULD be building that amount up.

For what? That is the question. But, regardless of what it is, you will be the loser in this story. He can hurt you financially. And, it can last for many, many years. You must demand to see it or else.

The OR ELSE should only be said if you are willing to back it up. I WOULD MEAN IT! Divorce if he doesn't.

This could be serious.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

Rating Received:

Anything in a garbage can is legal to look at. If you have a shredder they can be broken. Sometimes things just show up in the mailbox accidentally opened and taped shut.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

Rating Received:

Sorry foryou, I had 19 yrs of that shit, finally divorced her

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

Rating Received:

I would tell him a marriage is based on honesty.You are not honest if you are hiding things.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

Tell him you are going to leave then..
This is a hard one and tell him that credit, ,money and love should be open regardless
of who pays what. It is about trust. First tell him you are going to ask nicely and if you
are satisfied then you wont need to keep tight tabs on it but since you are responsible..
He could be hiding something like a dating service or ??? Now you lose trust..
I know .. it happened to me.. If he can just prove it then you can trust again.. Not fair,
then pack a bag and leave.. and then agree to see a counselor.. if he wont and
doesnt support you then be strong and go for a week to see what the truth is..

- Response by nbtt, A Sportif, Female, 36-45, Body Work

Rating Received:

I wouldn't be so sure he is not cheating cuz if he isn't wanting it from you then the next question is why. He is definatly hiding something and that is desroying your trust in him and what is a marriage without trust.

If it were me I would get real sneaky. If you are not currently in a fight with him about this then I would let it drop for a while so that he might let his guard down. I assume you know where he keeps his checkbook and or bank statements so come up with a plan to get your hands on them to see what this is all about. Does he shred his bank statements? If not then go thru your trash, even if he does then you might discover something else in there. His car could be a gold mine for info. If you really want to get sneaky then hire a private eye to see what he is doing.

- Response by aron77, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 36-45, Kansas City, Celebrity

Rating Received:

Stop begging him for something you can walk into the bank and get yourself! If it's a joint account with BOTH of your names on it, they can provide the information that he's too immature to openly share!

- Response by Veronica71276, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

If you tell him that you will leave him if he does something, and then you don't follow through, you are basically telling him that you will not do what you say you will do.

- Response by dartagnan, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Law Enforcement

Rating Received:

Be afraid

- Response by grodger, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, St.Louis

Rating Received:

less t me yell you a stoy...

the first engineering job that I got out af college, paid me throught a direct deposit at a local bank.

I told my ex, who was too stupid to be trusted with a six-pact of empty soda bottles, that it was against company policy for her, or anyone else, to know ehat I made

well, about six months later, a bitch I worked with told her that I had lied... (by the way, less thaen a year later, she was assigned to me and I fired her... and completely ruined her career... bitch reaped what she eoewwed!!!)

ANTEEWWAY, to make a long story short, my ex found ont that I had about 10 grand hidden in that account ...

it took her twewo dauyys to spend it.

honey... the bouy don't trust you with money.... THAT'S WHY!

- Response by leewiser, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, St.Louis

Rating Received: