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Why don't men divorce their wives first before starting or having an affair?
Married Life / 11:38 PM - Wednesday November 04, 2009

Why don't men divorce their wives first before starting or having an affair?

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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B/c they do not intend to get a divorce, they just want sex and adulation from other women. they get caught and sometimes it cost them a lot, their family and a lot of money.

To be fair some females also have affairs w/ no intentions of divorcing, but women usually follow their heart, end up divorcing for the new guy, makes it sad when children are involved in all parties. cheating is the leading cause of divorce.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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This question is so open ended. There are SO many reasons why a man would start an affair without getting a divorce first.

A few reasons being:

*Not happy in marriage.

*Stays for the kids.

*Wants his "cake and eat it too".

*Likes the thrill of not getting caught.

*Stays for the kids.

*Financial issues.

*Still loves his wife.


- Response by lovelylife, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?

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Because at first they just take it as an adventure. They think they will not get emotionally involved. Another thing is that they are not sure about what they really want. Its a dangerous game though. A Russian Roulette

- Response by rosybarreto, A Married Girl, Female, 56-65, Teaching

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For the same reason some women do.They are selfish and only think of thier own self.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

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The more the merrier.....the need to spread the seed.....who knows.

Many want the best of both worlds: wife is the one to do laundry, cook food, clean his house, and then the other one (GF, mistress) to bang away, hang on his arm and spend money on.

It's all about having more and more.....and the women who cheat with them are just as bad....

- Response by iowaczechartist, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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If they were divorced first it wouldn't be an affair then would it?

... they like to have a replacement in place before getting rid of the last one...

- Response by grinandbareit, An Engaged Guy, Male, 56-65, Other Profession

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Its affairs b/c he is still married. ALSO who said he wants dicorce??????? He just wants another relationship. AND trust me if the wife knows he would peg her ass to stay.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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it's a two for one, they figure they can't lose. But, of course, in the end they do.

- Response by nysbikergirl, An Alternative Girl, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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Because if they got a divorce they would be "single", and dating someone wouldn t be considered an affair

- Response by sailormoon, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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its like not leaving port till you know where the next port is.

- Response by hoopsjunkie, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Indianapolis, Self-Employed

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Because they want their cake and eat it too

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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need to see whats available first

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Because there are enough women out there, that are so desperate, they can get away with it! As long as married men can find single women to date them... THEY WILL DO IT.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Technical

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Because they are pathetically insecure...

- Response by clip22, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Executive

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It is a shame.. it really is.. I hate cheating...

- Response by lollypie, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, London

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I think men don't divorce their wives before having an affair is because of the fact that, there could be some minor issues going on that just aren't big enough to warrant a divorce, but are just serious enough for him to fix them through a quick fix with someone else. For example if the married guy is having several miscommunication issues with his wife at home or he is feeling under appreciated, he is likely bound to seek out or go out with someone that he knows he can be understood by or feel most appreciated by and re-build his worth. And so he can go back home to his wife and feel good on that level for a while and still enjoy the things she does give him.

Same is true I think for guys that cheat physically. If the wife isn't doing something in the bedroom that the guy likes, then he will likely go out and find or meet up with someone he knows that can give him that fix of what he needs for maybe a hour or two and then come back home and enjoy what the wife gives him in other ways. See, I think the bottom line here is the fact that people get married way too fast that they totally ignore the 80/20 rule. Which means that when you are married you should be getting at least 80% of the qualities and traits you want in a partner, while only missing out on at least 20% of the traits you want in a partner. So in general I think there are more than enough folks out there marrying folks that just barely have 30% of the traits they want in a good and solid partner, and then realize that they have to go out and find someone else that is at least going to have 50% of the traits they want to even be able to get a decent fix of what it feels like to be with nearly the right person for them, before they go back home to the person they actually married. I believe this is true of women as well.

- Response by CursedRomantic, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Columbus, Student

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dont want there wallets emptied lol

- Response by bhottl, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 26-28, Philadelphia, Student

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Cause they don't want to lose everything to their spouse as well as having to spend $50,000 for an attorney. The real question is why don't women divorce their husband before having an affair if they have all the advantages in a divorce?

- Response by lmarks, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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because she's probably the one that wants to divorce?

- Response by marycherry, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Fitness

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I think there are almost as many different answers as there are men playing around. Well... not that many but, one I've seen quite a bit is: Wives get wrapped up in the daily life of taking care of the house (many men are pigs and less than helpful when it comes to housework), the kids activities, her job (if she works outside the home, and so on. And by the end of the day she's too tired to do anything but sleep. So, a lot of the attention she used to pay to her husband is, and generally needs to be, spent on these other things. Also, her needs in a marriage are much different than men's. At the same time communication breaks down. Therefore, the men feel they aren't getting what they need in the marriage... i.e. personal attention and sex. This is when they look someplace else. They don't necessarially want a divorce, they just want a little hanky-panky. Also, the cost of divorce is tremendous and a lot of men are generally just pigs.

- Response by bigdog52, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Oklahoma City, Science / Engineering

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Typically when you look at stats it is usually the women who have a man lined up before they break it off with the guy they are with. You see women tend to be more insecure, and they are always looking to trade up, so you might want to reconsider your sexist and biased question since it is more common for women to have someone lined up before ending the current relationship.

- Response by juandontbeg, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, Self-Employed

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