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Do I stay in my marriage or not? Our love has faded,we fight and have nothing in common!
Married Life / 11:26 AM - Wednesday November 04, 2009

Do I stay in my marriage or not? Our love has faded,we fight and have nothing in common!

But I have 2 kids ages 3 and 6yrs old! So do I stay in my marriage for them. I'm so scared for myself but more for my kids who love there Dad very much!

- Asked by A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Minneapolis, Science / Engineering

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I do not believe in staying in a bad marriage for the kids. I believe that being exposed to fights, tension, disrespect, and lack of affection harms children more than spending time with each parent separately after a divorce. Also, children learn about romantic relationship from watching their parents. If a spouse is disrespectful, they will learn that modeled behavior. And, a happy parent is a better parent.

My children were 4 and 6 when I got divorced. Yes, it was difficult for them. But, their father and I tried to put their needs and best interests first; we shared custody and were very accommodating to each other when it came to the kids. It was important to me that they be able to see me in a relationship where I could demonstrate love and affection for my spouse, which I could no longer do with their father. It was also important to me, for my own health and well-being to be out of a relationship that was making me miserable.

Best wishes and good luck with whatever you decide.

- Response by carinabay, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Lawyer

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Why do you fight? Are you working on destroying your family? Stop fighting and work instead on having a good marriage.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Seattle, Construction

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Go to family couseling. Don't you think it's worth it for the sake of your children. These kids are going to grow up seeing both of you fighting like cats and dogs. It's better to work on the marriage and be adults and find out what the real problem is. Your children need to see you in a loving manner and to treat each other with respect. What they see is what they learn. Think about it. I would find family couseling to help you rekindle the love you both had when you was first with each other. God Bless wish you the best.

- Response by thewiselady2004, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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Only you can make this decision. What concerns me is that you married and had children with someone that doesn't have the same interests as you. I dont understand how that happens. Are you maybe jumping the gun.. look back to when you were dating and what was it that made you fall for him.. is that something you can bring back. How have you changed? Is there something about that wasn't there before. Is it just stress? Can you truly say you do not love this man or have any interest in building a future? You need to do some soul searching.

- Response by seashiner, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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never let anyone make your life miserable life is far too short

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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My husband and i went through that in the beginning of or relationship and on several occasions we sat down and told each other the things we could do without from one another and that didn't work it's like the saying you can't teach a old dog new tricks. But we did agree that we wanted to be together not just for the sake of the kids but because we wanted to be with each other. Over i would say a good year of arguing we both grew bored with it and started to date again and learn things about each other that we didn't know before.
I hope this helps you.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 26-28

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I think the worse thing you could do for your kids is stay in a bad relationship for them... They'll still get to see there dad and although the divorce will be hard for them..when they get older they'll understand.. My mom has told me before that the reason she was with my father for 11 years was because she wanted me to have my father around... Kinda makes me feel bad because I know how he is and how he makes her feel.. Do what's best for you so you can be the best mother that you can be... Your happiness is more important to them than you'll probably ever know!

- Response by steph22187, A Creative, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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divorce should be your last resort. maybe time apart will help you both sort through things. think of your children being dragged back and forth from your house to his with a stepmom and a stepdad who will never care about them the way you and your husband do. i speak from experience. it sucks for everyone involved.

- Response by sexydaze, Female, 36-45, Technical

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