My husbands drinking is destroying me. (very, very long - sorry)
I hate people who drink and get drunk. I have always been against drinking but most importantly getting drunk and my husband knows how much this pisses me off. For the past 10 years he rarely has drank, maybe he will have a beer or two when we go out to eat. Which I was OK with - not happy about, but it was with dinner and it wasn't like he was drinking just to drink.
Then every once in awhile he would go out with boys drinking and it would upset me, but I would let it go because he would get a buzz off of like 3 beers and be done with drinking for the night. Now just to remind you - he knew how I felt and he knew if he came home trashed there would be a huge fight about it. And before he would go out, there'd be a discussion about why does he need to drink and he'd leave and I'd be pissed off for a couple hours. But lately it's been getting worse.
He will go down to the corner store and buy a six pack or maybe even a twelve pack and sit up in his game room drinking beer and playing xbox. But what makes it worse he will buy the beer and hide it from me. The only way I know he was drinking was I would see the cans or bottles in the garbage and I figured out when he's drinking in the game room he "falls asleep" in his game chair or stays up all night long playing xbox.
But for the past 3 months his drinking has gotten even worse, he drinks three nights out of the week - Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. And it's just not beer; he's drinking hard liquor. He had this HUGE bottle of E&J Brandy in my trunk last weekend - he took my car the one night. And his drinking tolerance has increased he can now drink like 10 or 12 bottles of beer before he hits a buzz. He comes home very night drunk as a skunk and wonders why I'm furious and refuse to speak to him and will not let him touch me. Like I want some drunk ass that reeks touching me??? He can also be a mean drunk or a drunk that could his shit down. I hate vomit, I have a really, REALLY weak stomach and I have to hide in my room with the TV or radio blasting so I can't hear him throwing up. Then he has the fucking nerve to come to bed and sit there and be like oh, I'm going to be sick - also brings a bucket with him. I end up on the couch, like I want to sleep on the couch on a Sunday night when I have to get up at 4am for work on Monday.
Last Friday he went out drinking, got trashed off his ass and rolled home at 1:30am - he had to be at work by 6am. Yeah, he went to work drunk, I'm surprised he didn't get fired. When he got home, he went to sleep and was up at whatever hour and had to go out drinking again. When I was with him on Sunday I was like, what's up with the drinking every single weekend? Why do you need to go out drinking and getting drunk? He was like, because I can and I want to be drunk. What the fuck kind of answer is that? I keep telling him he's turning into his father, his father was horrible alcoholic, and died of alcohol poisoning at 36 (my husband is 32). His father was also diagnosed with liver disease, but the alcohol poisoning is what killed him.
I just don't see why I am the only one who sees that he is drinking way too much. Is 12 beers a night for 3 nights in a row too excessive or am I way out of line. Hell, it could be even more. He bought a 24 case on Sunday and finished that off himself BEFORE he even went to his brothers.
So, I have been letting this slide for three months, even though it's getting worse and worse very weekend, but I didn't want to lose my marriage over the fact that I can't stand alcohol and he likes to drink. But last night was the straw that broke the camels back.
It was around 7pm and he was looking for his wallet - he never takes his wallet anywhere - then all of a sudden he's like I have to go down my cousins house - she has my coffee mug. Umm, that mug has been there for 2 weeks now - she lives 2 blocks away from us, why did he HAVE to go last night for it. Well, it's now 9pm and I'm going to bed and I hear the phone ring and I didn't get it - didn't know the number, so its him and he's like oh, my cousin wants to take me out for a couple drinks, I'll see you later. Remember he has work at 6am. Well, I go to bed and wouldn't you know that f-ing bastard did not roll home until 3:00am. Where the fuck was he until then, the bars close at 2am? So, of course I freak out and we start this huge argument and things start to get thrown and smashed and it's not that big of a deal that he went to have a couple drinks with his cousin - he never hangs out with his cousin. Fine hang out with her, but on Wednesday night??? Yeah, I don't think so. I was like, I'm through you want to keep drinking fine go ahead, but you will not be married to me. We both said some shit and he was like go ahead file for a divorce I can't take you and you're nagging and bullshit - you do what you think you need to. I told him to leave, get his stuff and just leave, but of course he didn't leave.
Then wouldn't you know it's 5am and we need to leave for work, we only have one car right now, and I was like if your planning on going to work I'm leaving in 10 minutes. He dropped me off and I didn't even say goodbye - just praying he'll come back and pick me up after work.
So, 8:30am rolls around and I get this phone call from the house, he's home - he got "sent home" because he was "sick". Who the fuck is he kidding, he got sent home because he was still drunk and couldn't hold his liquor down? For all I know they fired his ass. He won't tell me and I don't know why he called me and told me anyway. I didn't even want to talk to him, but he called my job and I had to take the call.
I just don't know what to do. I don't know if I should just say screw it and through 10 years away and get divorced or continue to put up with the drinking? Every time he drinks or comes home drunk I resent him more and more and I get this sick feeling in my stomach thinking about it. Like it's physically making me sick thinking of him drinking - like he's betraying me by continuing to drink even though I don't accept it/like it and have asked him repeatedly to stop drinking. Any suggestions?
- Asked by A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45