Back to Home

Active Questions

My boyfriend of 4 years wants to focus on himself. What does this mean?
Dating / 4:19 PM - Tuesday October 27, 2009

My boyfriend of 4 years wants to focus on himself. What does this mean?

We have been together for a little over 4 years and now he randomly needs time for himself and space. We were a little wierd before it happened but nothing dramatic. We had a very good realationship. I am very hurt, and we hardly talk at all. He said he cares about me a lot but he wants to focus on himself and not worry about anything. He told me he see's a future but just wants to focus on him self. I just do not understand why becasue we were not in a bad place and we love eachother. Should I just give it to him, no calling, no texting? I'm just scared he will never contact me :( His own friends said they do not know whats going on and have not really seen him. I just do not know what to do, each day is hard and hurts a lot!

- Asked by Female, 22-25

Read more about the Rating System


He sounds disturbed. He doesn't know what's going on, either and needs time to sort himself out. You have to choose whether or not you want to hang loose and wait, keep nagging and asking him "what's wrong?" and risk losing him, or leave him alone, keep a line open, meanwhile opening yourself up to other social activities. The choice is yours.

- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

It means he doesn't want to get married and end up as a divorced ex in 5 years.


- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

Rating Received:


Oh, I'm sorry! I would just leave him alone and not contact him. It hurts now, but it WILL get better!

- Response by catscratch, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Executive

Rating Received:


Personally, i think that when someone says they are going through some personal issues and they don't want to include their s/o, in getting through it together, then this person is not worth being with anyway. Move on and find someone who wouldn't turn you away during these times...remember for "better" or "worse". Married or not someone who truly loves you would want your support and would love you for it.

don't call him ever again and go on with the healing process it will get easier... don't focus on finding another boyfriend just focus on new hobbies and spending time with family and friends.


- Response by donnapark62, A Player, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


After 4 yrs. It appears he is burned out and needs time to see which direction he wants to go.

Or 'the space"..The best you can do is honor his request for space. of course it hurts. but if you pursue him now,

It will just justify his reason for needing space. do not contact him, if he decides to continue a relationship with you later and you're still willing, so be it. For now just let it go. You'll be fine.

- Response by dreamspinner, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

Rating Received:


He needs time to think things over. He is not sure that he wants to be in the relationship or not.
My advice would be to let him have time and space. Don't call him. If he calls you, keep it brief, and let him go. One of two things will happen, he will decide he wants to be with you-- or he will decide he doesn't want to be with you. If you give him the space to figure it all out, then it's more likely that he will be able to work it all out faster.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

Rating Received:


he prob has doubts about your relationship. He could be realizing you two aren't as compatible now that you are older, or he has met someone else and sparks flew..so he wants to see if that will go anywhere.

- Response by jasmine27, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

Rating Received: