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How do you tell an old friend they've hurt your feelings?
Friendship / 4:22 PM - Thursday October 15, 2009

How do you tell an old friend they've hurt your feelings?

I have a friend whom I've known for over 10 years. We haven't been very close for the past 5 years, altough I see her about 2-3 times a year. Recently, her husband started working with mine and they moved into our neighborhood. I thought this would be a good opportunity for us to become better friends.

I've been helping her get settled quite a bit over the past two months. For labor day, I invited them and some other mutual friends over, via Facebook. She responded through email that she did not want to hurt or offend another friend of ours who had already invited her, but that they would like to come to our house. Perfectly understandable.

Recently, she invited said friend and another mutual friend out to lunch, via Facebook, but did not include me. I'm slightly hurt and offended. She had to have known I would see it. She's done to me what she was thoughtful of not doing to our other friend. I'm not sure if the friendship is even worth it, but I'm trying to figure out how to handle this politely.

Update: October 15, 2009.
I did not expect an invitation. We have many mutual friends and to get us all together would be a large party. It's completely okay that I was not invited. You must have read too much into my post. My concern is her publicity of it. She could have called or emailed them, but instead posted it on each of their walls. When she's so concerned about about protecting our other friend's feelings, why not mine?

- Asked by A Married Girl, Female, 36-45

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I'm not really sure I understand why you feel hurt. If I see on Facebook that a friend was out socializing with someone else that I know, would I like to have been invited? Probably. But do I have a right to EXPECT an invitation? Certainly not. You can't possibly expect to be included in every social engagement your friend makes.

Now, maybe she should find a better way to issue an invitation than through a public posting on Facebook, but I think you're overreacting.

- Response by mikehug, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Cleveland

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I would say be patient and see what happens. She may not be trying to hurt your feelings. Try inviting her to lunch one day and see what happens.

- Response by dragontulip, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Therapist

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She didn't do to you what you think. When you had your party, she already had previous plans. It doesn't sound like you had a lunch date she ditching out on to see these other friends. She might just not be aware how sensitive you are, why don't you just invite her out to lunch sometime? FB is just a means of communication, she probably didn't even think about you when she created this invite & wasn't thinking you'd be offended checking her every move.

- Response by melmac, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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it's very clear to see what's happened: you've been helping her, going out of your way in fact - and she started taking you for granted.

now she has this 'new friend' and got all excited about her.

women are not immune to being excited about new friends, even of the same sex.

Play hard to get, mirror the way she treats you

if she doesn't get the message and doesn't start making more effort and reciprocate like you should in a healthy friendship then she's not your friend and you should ignore her completely

her loss, really as you seem to be a nice person who treats her friends right

good luck!


- Response by ladybuglovestea, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Birmingham, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I think she does not consider your friendship the way you do.Please do not bother yourself ,just cut her off and don't be offended,she has been franc to you.


- Response by zeynabourain70, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Transportation

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