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Never date anyone you would not consider marrying
Dating / 5:29 PM - Tuesday October 13, 2009

Never date anyone you would not consider marrying

A friend of mine gave me some words of wisdom. Never date anyone you would not consider marrying. Do you agree with my friend? I sure do. Comments welcome.

Update: October 13, 2009.
Thanks to all of you for your replies, got some good ones. By the way, Answerology should have been around for her before she got married. She married a very handsome man, he was voted best looking in his graduating class from high school. However, he turned out to be an alcoholic, as a result their marriage terminated. She was voted "Most Popular".

- Asked by Female, Who Cares?

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When I was much younger and Shirley Temple Black was a teen-ager herself, she said she dated guys for different reasons...one can dance well, the other does something else well, so it's really a personal matter.

Maybe one guy likes the movies; the other likes to bowl, another likes to browse museums. It's the way you learn about people, and men in general...and through dating different kinds of men, it may help you to "grow" and learn to enjoy things you never would have thought about before. And it helps to make your choice in marriage as well...

I don't really agree with your friend...you should be open to new people and new experiences. Mr. Right just doesn't pop out of a box as people seem to feel. I know there has to be magic in a relationship, but it's good, if you are young, to test the waters....


- Response by pushkins, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Who Cares?

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But, how would you know if you would consider marrying them if you have never dated them or at least gotten to know them????????

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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No way! There are only a few people I'd consider marrying, but the whole idea about dating, in my opinion, is that you can explore and find out what other people are like, people you'd never consider marrying. Following your friend's advice would make for a VERY tame and "safe" life in my view - live a little, explore outside the box, date that "bad girl" for fun!

- Response by xerxes, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Washington, DC, Lawyer

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I don't agree with your friend. I would say never date anyone you don't think you'd sleep with and don't sleep with anyone you don't think you could live long term with and don't live long term with anyone you wouldn't have children with.

- Response by joybird, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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I agree with this ... why waste ur precious time a friend of mine says there are girls he would like to date and girls he wud marry ... i do not comprehend .. its jus ..idk ...wrong

- Response by mesmerized256, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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That's kinda ass backwards. Why would you even consider marrying anyone you haven't dated?

- Response by shadow21, A Hip Hop Guy, Male, 26-28, Self-Employed

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depends on your age.. when I was in college.. I dated a ton of different guys (NO I did not sleep with them) my mothers advise was, you have your whole life to settle down.. meet people figure out what you want.. keep your standards and just have fun. and I did and did not regret, when I got older and was more marriage minded I didnt' waste my time but when I was not looking it was fun just to date around

- Response by smartblond, A Sweet Sarah, Female, Who Cares?, Charlotte, Self-Employed

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I'm puzzled as to how you would KNOW whether you'd consider marrying them, if you don't date them first. I don't know about your & your friend, but I cannot tell by looking at someone whether or not I'd consider marrying him - I need to spend a little time with him first - like....maybe dating him and THEN deciding whether I'd consider marrying him.

- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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is this friend a priest? a nun? married at the age of six?

you cannot possibly KNOW if a person is "marriage material", let alone whether he is even INTERESTED in marriage, or if your other interests are compatible, or if he's interested in YOU, unless you DO date him with focus, clarity and an genuine investment of time.

give your friend a bit of useful advice:

time for a "reality check", gal!

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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It sounds good.. but the problem is, that it predicates upon knowing them well enough, to think they're worth marrying, before you date them.

And generally, it doesn't work that way.

Unless you've been friends with someone for a while, and then start dating them.. generally, you end up dating them 1st for a few months, in order to get to know them well enough to decide if they're the type of person you'd marry.

So, while it sounds good in theory.. in practice, it's backwards.

The other reality is.. even if someone you're dating IS *worth* marrying.. that doesn't necessarily mean you'd make good marriage partners.

- Response by steve67, A Rebel, Male, Who Cares?

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i think she means being in a realtionship .. where are from .. dating and being in a relationship means the same thing .. but we refer to is as "checking " a caribbean island

- Response by mesmerized256, A Thinker, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

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That is such an unbelievably amazing power your friend has. She can tell if the person she is dating is worth marrying! Holy crap she could make millions of billions of dollars if she seriously has this super power. She CAN tell all those things right? I mean I don;t know how she would do that but I always thought that super heroes where something that exist only in comic books and movies but apparently your friend is a like something out of X-Men.

I hope you get my sarcasm and the point that I am making. No one can determine these things. If they could then we would all find our perfect mate at 18 and live with them forever.

- Response by 7zebras, A Career Man, Male, 36-45, New York, Financial / Banking

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not a bad idea...it doesn't mean not to go on a date with that person....but don't invest time into a relationship for nothing

what's the saying "choose a date that will make a good mate"....?

- Response by scooper, A Sportif, Female, 46-55, Dallas, Who Cares?

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I think that's total BS. If you date someone whose company you enjoy, you're having a good time. WHILE you're out with him, you might MEET Mr. Right.

- Response by buffalothighs88, A Hippie Chick, Female, 56-65, Other Profession

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I've always agreed with that. I actually didn't even know that anyone DIDN'T do that until I was probably in middle school. I remember someone telling me that they were going to start doing that, and I thought to myself "Do people NOT do that?"

I know people say that you need to date around to see what you like/what's good for you, but I really don't think that's true. I think it's completely possible to figure that out without dating around. You just have to really know yourself and be smart. I knew I was going to marry my s/o before we were even "together".. only reason I finally decided to go out with him is because I knew we would get married. I see no point in pointless dating.

- Response by mousepad, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Student

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I totally agree... But I don't plan on getting married so it's open season.


But seriously that saves people time and pain by being more selective when dating. Nothing would hurt more than your lover, who you've been with for a few years dumping you because they didn't think you were worth marrying. My response would be: Well, why the hell were you with me?

- Response by sanguinenight, An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25, Student

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Apparently we love those the most whom we grow to love and not those whom we love immediately. If you don't give someone the chance to grow upon you you deny yourself the opportunity to see if you can grow to love these people and create the strongest bond.

An enormous number of people meet at work and then marry. Do you think that they immediately think: "Gee, I shouldn't bother talking to that person as they don't look like marriage material"? or do you think they get to know the other person well and then decide that they want to then marry?

- Response by patresi, An Intellectual Guy, Male, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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I would modify it to the following:

"Never date anyone you would not consider marrying...if you are looking to get married."

If that is not your goal right now, then who cares?

Just make sure you and the datee are on the same page...if he/she is looking to get married, don't date them if you don't want the same thing.

In other words, everyone just need to be honest.

- Response by tomtomcat, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, New York, Teaching

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I used to feel that way until EVERYBODY I dated turned out to be 'not marriage material at all'........because they were all still bitter about their nasty divorce or single and lifetime bachelors because they felt that all marriages end in divorce. Its a losing battle to find someone who is not messed up in some way about things that they can't completely let go that involved another woman (or women) they were previously involved with.

- Response by jpm51, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Baltimore, Administrative

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So I guess this means I shouldn't go on a date with someone if I didn't decide after five minutes whether I want to marry them?

How the hell am I suppose to decide if I want to marry someone if I don't date around to figure out what qualities I like in a girl?

- Response by lmarks, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Los Angeles, Who Cares?

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..i agree..mostly..don't date anyone that u don't see any "possible" marriage qualities in..it's just a waste of ur time..

- Response by michellekia, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, St.Louis, Other Profession

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I've never heard that one, but I did hear someone say "Never marry a man whom you wouldn't want to be divorced from".
I think that makes more sense.

- Response by chatty67, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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