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When a man mentions a girlfriend, does it always mean he isn't interested. Or making me jealous?
Dating / 9:45 PM - Monday September 28, 2009

When a man mentions a girlfriend, does it always mean he isn't interested. Or making me jealous?

I treats me like his girfriend, taking me places, buying me meals, inviting me when he goes to talk with others. His friends say that is unusual for him. He hasn't dated for years, or slept with women that anyone knows of since 1991. But he keeps telling me he has a out of town girlfriend, that he is sleeping with. Is it his way of saying, I don't like you that way, or could it be like a male friend says, trying to make me jealous?
He was widowed young and raised children by himself, after a 2nd marriage failed. He hasn't had a relationship since. I know he is skiddish, cautious, so I've excused some of it. He's made the remark "The best to get a girlfriend is to have one.", so I think he believes that makes him more attractive to women. We had a discussion about us being jealous of the other dating and we'd just say "I have plans" instead. That worked for a couple weeks, but now he is back to it, after seeing me out on a date.
Do I stand a chance, or stay friends and move on?

- Asked by Female, 56-65

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If you want more, move on. I'm sure you'll stay friends. Further, his saying he has a "girlfriend" he sleeps with that lives "out of town" is his way of saying he doesn't want intimacy with you. I doubt he has this so-called "girlfriend" as it is his way of not sleeping with you without alienating you totally. He doesn't know what he wants and is too afraid of "being taken" and failing at marriage again. So, if you want more, move on as this guy being so ambivalent and having a fake bed buddy isn't worth waiting around for him to "fix" himself.

- Response by msadvise, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Transportation

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Community Rating: Community Star

"I treats me like his girfriend"?

Really? Freud much?

"But he keeps telling me he has a out of town girlfriend, that he is sleeping with."

So what does that tell you?

Yup,he's the perfect man for you.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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I think he has an out of town girlfriend. That means, he is telling you he cannot have another girlfriend but he enjoys your company. Why don´t you tell him how you feel for him? He is the best to tell you if you stand a chance. It seems you have ground to think he is interested in you. Good luck!!!

- Response by Female, 46-55

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I knew this fella once who called anyone he was sleeping with his girlfriend. There were usually several at one time. Maybe he is cut from the same cloth. And his tentative behavior could be protective. He is not wanting to get hurt and you are still dating other people apparently. So it you would like exclusivity with him than you will have to tell him and stop dating and ask how serious this out of towner is. Maybe that's just a stand by he met online and visits occasionally. Long distant relationships can be difficult and maybe if he thought you might want to commit he might put that on the shelf.
This isn't about standing a chance or staying friends or moving on. It's about having the courage to be authentic with you thoughts and feelings. Get what you want sometimes involves taking a risk of being vulnerable. do it.

- Response by joybird, A Jock, Male, 56-65, Who Cares?

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It means he's a jerk. He wants the appearance of a girlfriend in town without the responsibilities.

- Response by waitinggirl22, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles

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