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What does it mean when your husband would rather sleep on the couch
Married Life / 7:51 PM - Sunday September 27, 2009

What does it mean when your husband would rather sleep on the couch

My husband doesn't come to bed anymore. He sleeps on the couch.

- Asked by A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Los Angeles, Administrative

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time to consider purchasing new furniture.

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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It could mean any number of things and based on the fact you gave no information it's hard to say. How long have you been married? How is your sex life otherwise? Has the way he's treated you changed lately? Without knowing more about your situation, any answer you get from anyone is going to be useles. I think if you amend your question and give more information, you'll get better, more intelligent responses, than the usual "he doesn't love you anymore" drivel, you know what I mean?

- Response by diznykd, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Lawyer

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It could be a number of reasons. Maybe you snore and keep him up at night? Maybe HE snores and keeps you up at night and is conscious of it and is nice enough to leave the room for you to sleep. Maybe you have been fighting lately and he's not wanting to be close to you? Only you know what the issue is. What is it?

- Response by o2thx, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Los Angeles, Technical

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Well, it could mean anything. It could mean that he hates your bed and the couch os more comfortable. It could also mean that he doesnt feel connected to you. Maybe something happened to him at work. Maybe he is going through a hard time internally and is not good at talking about it. It could also mean he is having an affair. It could also mean he is not happy with you or even with himself. Since no one is a mind reader, I suggest you sit with him, hold his hand, look into his eyes and tell him that you miss him. Then ask him what is wrong. You have nothing to lose. Dont assume anything except that something is amiss. Good luck.

- Response by jefemaster, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Newark, Financial / Banking

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There is some intimacy somewhere. If you're not snoring like a grizzly bear, there is no reason why he doesn't want to sleep in the same bed with his wife. I mean, sleeping on the couch, really isn't any more extra space, than if he had slept on one side of the bed. I'd ask him what the deal is? That's the only way you'll find out what's going on. I know of married couples that don't even live together. And, while this might be a more unorthodox way of doing things. I think it's pretty ridiculous. IMO

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Sometimes men just want to sleep. If he sleeps better on the couch, that's were he'll be. My brother does the same thing, and he loves his wife very much.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Las Vegas

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Trust me. Your marriage is over. You may still together until death depart you but your hearts already departed. OK as you like jerk me.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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maybe you keep him awake at night ?

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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It means he is either totally stoned, or pissed at you. What ever, confront him and find out. You can tell if he is lying or just putting you on,trust your gut feelings and don't let this continue unresolved. It will grow into a even larger problem if you let it slide. Do something now. DOCJ

- Response by 01docj10, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, St.Louis, Retired

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Assuming there is nothing known and obvious going on like your snoring loudly or such, it means that he's in serious need of alone time and your likely doing something that is seriously annoying him and he's disgusted and turned off big time.

Assuming that there is nothing seriously wrong with his health or something, if a man is acting like that and voluntarily sleeping on the couch, he needs serious time to be alone and away from any women.

Women don't seem to get at ALL that men are naturally independent and we don't want to be connected to the woman all the time in most all cases. No matter how much a man cares about a woman he MUST GET AWAY and have time to himself. Whether it's on the computer, going out with the guys, having a weekend alone, etc. Men do not want to literally be plugged in and connected to any woman 24x7. This is one of the major things that keeps a lot of men from marrying and once they're married, wanting to get away and be alone. Sleeping on the couch at night may be his way of doing just that.

Women don't get this because when a woman wants to get away from another woman is nearly always means that she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore...this is NOT so with men. We can not chat with a friend for months and years and neither one takes it personally because we know that guys don't need to constantly talk, communicate or "stay in touch" to still be friends.


- Response by richsifu, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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somethings wrong with your marriage. hes either sleeping with someone else, or he's tired of you, or you put him off somehow. ask him why he's doing that.

- Response by tendai, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Medical / Dental

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I suggest you slide the couch out onto the front porch and watch him come runnin back to bed. hahahah! ;) Seriously don`t worry,but ask your hubby whats going on with him. Has he had any bad news lately? Problems at work? Hope its nothing devastating. You won`t know til you ask! Good luck with that!*hugs*

- Response by dblchocgrl07, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Artist / Musician / Writer

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The two of you need to have a 'very serious talk' in a positive way. No pointing fingers, no shouting, but you need for him to tell you something and you need to have an 'open mind'.

If he is sleeping on the couch then it does not sound as if its 'after' intimacy between the two of you and more like 'he does not want intimacy with you.

So you two need to go somewhere neutral like a date night out at a nice restaurant if he will go, and 'seriously' talk.

- Response by jpm51, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Baltimore, Administrative

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It could mean that
1. he's mad at you.
2. having an affair with someone and doesn't want to mix his feeling for the new person. It would feel like cheating on him/her.
3. he doesn't feel good about himself/worthy/not able to perform.
4. he's a night-owl and doesn't want to disturb your sleep.
5. doesn't want sleep next to you anymore.

If you question him, I will guarantee that it's one of the reasons listed above.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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My husband does that for 2 reasons:
1-Fell asleep there watching TV
2-Was too lazy to shower & didn't wanna dirty the sheets

BUT on both occasions - he always makes it up to me by getting up before me & waking me for some morning sex (after he showers) :-)

- Response by Vickey69, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Why don't you ask him?

- Response by ebm3, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, Self-Employed

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is he making late phone calls after you fall asleep?

- Response by osieboo, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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That means either one of two things, (1) Your bed hurts his back, or (2) you should talk to a marriage counselor or divorce attorney. Your husband is not happy with you and is distancing himself from you. Take some immediate action by dating him. Ask him out to do something treat him like you treated him when you were dating. Hopefully that will bring him back. But this is a serious red flag for problems. (been there done that myself).

- Response by attorneydad, A Guy Critical, Male, 36-45, Lawyer

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Hello Cool Mom. This could be for any number of reasons. As a church counselor I have run into this a couple of times with couples. I can't give names of course but one guy said it was because he desired his wife very much but respected her decision not to have sex every time he wanted her. So to ease the desire he would go sleep in another bedroom. Have you tried talking with your husband about this? You can't correct the situation unless you know what is causing it. Perhaps I could help more if I knew more about your relationship but for now I hope this helps a little. Reply if you like or have further questions. Stay blessed in God's loving peace.

Your San Diego friend
Al White

- Response by mralwhite, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, Retired

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My husband has been on the couch for 3 years, unless he wants to be intimate. Then, after the act, he goes back to the couch. There's also every excuse, I don't make the bed, I snore, I never got him up after he fell asleep. Always my fault. After 34 years, this morning he drops the bomb, I am dead in bed. He says he's joking. Obviously, he is taking me for granted. It's time to move on. There has to be someone out there that would love to hold me thru the night, right? It's what you want to put up with. I never missed him in bed either. The lady above said,"together, until death do us part, but our hearts have already parted" She's got my vote.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Detroit

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As a person who sleeps on the couch I know that this is hurting my relationship. I have no real reason. I have slept on the couch for the past two years and it all started with me being sick and not wanting to get the family sick. It might be an excuse but I have also felt not wanted in my relationship for a while now and by doing that I have pushed my loved ones away. I also feel that I have fallen out of love with my wife to an exstint. I want this to work out what can I do. I have not committed infeldelity in a long while and she has forgiven me about it at least i think. I haven't done this in a long while and now Im at a crossroads and don't know what to do someone help me.

- Response by A Guy Critical, Male, 29-35, Consulting

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