|Family & Parenting / 5:54 PM - Saturday September 26, 2009|
I am always to blame, why?
In my family when I was young if my father got caught in a lie (my fault) if my mother didn't pay the gas bill (my fault) and so on. As an adult now with my own family nothing has changed. I don't know how it got this way. My mother still plays the blame game with me if someone didn't inform her on a time or something it is my fault although I had nothing to do with it, and my children do it too. From bad grades, missing something, broken things you name it. There is alot to this with the fact that my husband cheats on me, disrespects me and flat out makes it known to all that everything bad in his life is my fault. So, since I have no respect in this house, and my emotions and confidence are shot and I am as low as you can get. How do I regain some control with my kids? How can I make them see that I am not always the bad guy? How can I stop being the family punching bag and start being me ?
- Asked by Female, 36-45
Easy - walk away. Build your own life, and stay away from the toxic downward undertow you feel you're getting sucked into.
I think it starts with you standing up for yourself. If your child says something is your fault let him or her know in no uncertain terms that it is not your fault. Explain that with age should come maturity and if they don't accept responsibility for the things they do they may not earn the things they want. For example don't allow them to go to do extra things, get a drivers license or have friends over. Do not accept their rude and disrespectful behavior. Dr. Phil always says you teach people how to treat you. So, stop teaching them that doing bad things and saying hurtful things will get them what they want. Don't be a push over. As for your husband, you have to decide if you are going to live with him or not. But, you should also decide if you want to be his doormat anymore. If he wants to cheat then stop doing his laundry, cleaning his house and cooking his food. If your family chooses negative behavior then show them that they also choose their own negative consequences. Either they will change or you will. You deserve better than that. But nothing will change until you decide to believe that.