Back to Home

Active Questions

Boyfriend blew me off tonight. Dealbreaker or not so bad?
Dating / 3:44 AM - Saturday September 26, 2009

Boyfriend blew me off tonight. Dealbreaker or not so bad?

Boyfriend blew me off tonight. Says he is sorry, but I'm so hurt.
This week BF and I celebrated 1 year dating anniversary. Last weekend he was out of town on "man-weekend" ie going to the mountains, getting drunk, watching football and fishing. (I think it's awesome that he went on man-weekend.)

Tonight (Friday), BF and I had looked into movies and music venues. There was also a business type party that we talked about but decided not to go to. We have dinner every night so unless one of us says otherwise, that's a given. (We have 2 apartments, but he stays with me every night for most of the last year).

At 5pm, BF texts me that he is going to happy hour for a couple of drinks but will see me soon. At 630, he asks me to go to that party. I said no, that I didn't want to (as we discussed before). He said he was going anyhow, for one drink. At 8pm, he says he is leaving soon. At 1030 he tells me he is drunk and going to a bar with a friend and invites me to go along. I also heard from a friend who was at that party that he said I was being a bitch tonight.

I feel like such a fool for sitting around and waiting for him all night. He has sent a few drunk texts apologizing and acknowledging that he blew me off and that this wasn't how he had planned for the night to go, but that he must've just need to get "crunk".

He's normally a very very nice guy (that's what everyone says about him), and he's pretty sweet and always around. I just don't know if I can get over this.

Big deal, or not?

Update: September 27, 2009.
Thank you for your perspectives! I really appreciate it. We've been talking and BF has apologized profusely and on his own said he may have an alcohol problem that he needs to address. We have been talking like adults, very calm. And we're both going to spend some time alone thinking about whether this is the right fit for us. Thank you again!

- Asked by girlinmtns, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

Read more about the Rating System


not a big deal. he did stay in contact with you and asked you to join him. Once he got out he was having fun and wanted to keep having fun. If it happens again, I would say to him (at the 6:30 contact) something to open up the communication a little more. For example, I would say either:
*I really want you to come home and spend the evening with me
or
*I really don't feel like going out. But if you are having a good time and want to stay out, that's fine. But tell me now, so I'm not waiting on you.
My husband is a lot like this. He doesn't go out often, but I know that if he stops for 1 after work, I can plan on joining him or seeing him at home late!
It's all good.

- Response by makinit40, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


Well it was quite inconsiderate of him thats for sure. I don't think its enough to end the relationship over, but it is definitely something important to discuss in great detail.

What I suggest though is that you stop with this sleeping over everyday thing. Familiarty breeds contempt, and it makes men take you for granted, as you see.

If he hadn't been seeing you every day, he would have been excited to see you, have sex with you, kiss you, etc. Instead he is like "ah, no big deal!" but you set that up. Being with a owman every day is a privilege that hsould be reserved for husbands, not boyfriends.

Until I married, my future husband saw me nor more than 3x per week, but most weeks just 2x. I did that on purpose to keep him always wanting more. Young women these days don't have NO game at all and give men all they have to give without any sort of real ties. So that is the suggestion so this won't keep happening. You have to get space and make him miss you and see you as exciting again.

- Response by msheartbeat, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45, San Francisco, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


I don't think this should be a deal breaker.

While yes you were hurt and that is perfectly understandable

he is someone that you trust and he disappointed you .

His behaviors I think have to do with having drinks , I know

for me I get drinking it can make me want to party more,

(he THEN wanted to go to the part) I think he just got caught up

in the drinks. Just talk to him about how you feel , he probably

feel disappointed in himself also

- Response by morningdust, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

Rating Received:


Honestly i would be more concerned with his drinking i place few drinks another place few more then at third he is wasted if you want to pay attention to something pay it to this especially if he usually does not drink that much ...

- Response by shygirl1979, A Career Woman, Female, 22-25, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


While one could take this in many different directions and PERHAPS be correct, the bottom line still comes back to the fact, that you both need to sit down and decide TO TALK more.

If you are not careful, more and more distance will creep up between you, until the void is so large, neither of you will remember WHO the other person is.

- Response by randyl, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Los Angeles, Technical

Rating Received:


Heres what you do, and trust me this works- next time he pulls something like this and you don't feel like going, just say "no thanks, but I think I'm going to go out with the girls tonight." That way you aren't home bored waiting around for him and you can have some fun too.
A few weeks ago my boyfriend went out for a few drinks with his guy pal, so I said "okay have fun, but tomorrow I'm going to my girl friends house and we are going to make some martinis."
Well, once I said that he wasn't exactly thrilled at the idea, but hey at least I didnt have to sit home alone =]

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 22-25

Rating Received:


He invited you several times!!! My FIANCEE last night didn't even invite me to celebrate his birthday with friends, and didn't call me back all night! I just talked to him and it's 7 am and I am so upset.

- Response by ilmareofthemaiar, An Engaged Girl, Female, 22-25, Dallas

Rating Received: