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Can my ex-husband's new wife take his last name if I still legally have it?
Married Life / 5:59 PM - Wednesday September 23, 2009

Can my ex-husband's new wife take his last name if I still legally have it?

My ex-husband recently got married and is asking me to change my name back so his new wife can take his last name. He says she can't legally take his last name until I change mine back to my maiden name. Is this true? He's telling me I have to do it NOW, and I would but I don't have the money for it right now. He's the one who cheated and abused, shouldnt he pay for it then since he broke the marriage??

- Asked by Female, 29-35

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No, it's not true - your ex-husband is a complete asshole who is trying to get you to spend your time and money on something that is completely unnecessary. Both you and his new wife can be Mrs. Asshole.


- Response by justpassingthru, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Financial / Banking

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If he marries 10 times they all can.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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In most places your name does not affect him or his new wife's name. More than 1 person can have the same name until they run out of letters.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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I think it's BS, HE's just giving you grief.
If they're married, HER NAME IS MRS. "HIM"!

- Response by geester, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

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She can still take his name even if you keep his last name. Having said that, I think you should change it since you are no longer his wife. Ask him to chip in and pay for it. At least half, he should pay. He seems desperate for you to change it so say you will if he pays the fee.

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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I've never heard of such a thing. He must just want you to change your name for his own reasons.

I still have my ex's last name, and so does his 2nd wife.

There was never an issue.

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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No it is not true you can keep the same name and she still can change hers. I still have my ex's last name and can legally change it but what for when we have a daughter together and it is just a pain in the ass to go through changing it. If I remarry I'll change it then.

- Response by melodyalise, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Salt Lake City, Managerial

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Asw far as I know if he is married to her she can be known as Mrs whatever his last name is regardless. She can prove they are married via the marriage certificate and can call herself by that name.

- Response by psychoticbabe1, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Other Profession

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If you are divorced and he marrys her, yes she can legally take his name.

- Response by MaryAnne, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Regina, Managerial

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Huh? No. She can take his name if she likes. He sounds like he's lying to please her or really really dumb. Either way tell him you'll do it for $40,000. Or to go pound sand.

- Response by llafsroh, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Boston, Science / Engineering

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That is the stupidest thing I have heard in a long time. You do not have to change your name so that she can have it. He is still trying to control you and make you do what he wants. You stand up for yourself and don't give in. There is no since and paying all that money for no reason.

- Response by nikki_coffman, Female, 36-45, Managerial

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SHe can be Mrs. whatever just like you can. It's kinda silly for you to hang onto it but there is no law anywhere that says there can't be two women with the same last name. Just think of his Mom... she was Mrs. Whatever just like you were and nobody had a problem with that, right?

He just wants you to change your name. Tell him fine, you will, as soon as he pays for it. Put the ball back into his court.

Really, it will be freeing for you to get your maiden name back anyway.

- Response by msheartbeat, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Self-Employed

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This is quite possibly the dumbest thing I've ever heard. Your ex sounds like a real piece of work. He doesn't need to take his name away from you so he can give it to his new wife. It just doesn't work that way. You don't have to do anything. Sounds like you might want to change your name so as not to be associated with your ex though.

I don't know where you live, but here in CA, you can have your name legally changed back as part of the divorce. Othwerise, yeah, tell him you'll change it if he'll pay for it. Good luck.

- Response by ymiwu, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35

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he must live in the state of confusion. My first wife kept my last name, and my second wife had it while we were married as well. He's just being an a$$ about it. There is no legal precident that syas there cannot me 100 ex mrs smith's all with the smith last name, and 101 having it currently too.

- Response by hoopsjunkie, A Rebel, Male, 46-55, Indianapolis, Self-Employed

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Ha..she can take his name if 30 other women have it. She is obviously insecure that you still have the last name. An I guess if I married a cheater I would probably be the same way. Heck if I were you I would keep it an insist that eveyone called me Ms.Whatever..lol

- Response by confused2020, A Trendsetter, Female, 26-28, Atlanta, Student

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Does anyone in the situation know that there are other people out there in the world with this last name -- let's just call it "Smith." Shall all the other Mrs. Smiths out there be forced to change their names, because your ex's new wife wants to be the only one?

No, you do not have to change your last name in order for his wife to be a Mrs. Smith, too. That's silly. She's probably just uptight about you seeming to be still laying claim to your identity as the wife of the Mr. Smith in question, and is pestering him to get you to drop it so she doesn't feel like the #2 wife in his harem.

Now, one might want to examine some of the back story here... perhaps there are behaviors on your part that are exacerbating this situation... like you really *do* think of yourself as still his wife, and try to insinuate yourself into his (and her) life as such. I can see why she and he might get uptight about your maintaining his name in that case; it's just a manifestation of the way you generally make a pest of yourself. But why would you want to be identified with the last name of a man who abused you...?

By all means, tell him how much it's going to cost in terms of time and real money expenditures, and suggest that he can fork over that amount to you up front if he really wants you to have a different last name.

- Response by pandorasfault, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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Yes, absolutely not true. I have the same last as my cheating a-hole ex, but I wanted to have the same name as my son. That said, I wish I'd insisted on my son having an hyphenated name. I was so under the control of my ex ( I allowed it) that I did whatever he said. If you want to keep his last name keep it. If he wants you to change it, calculate the hours it would take you to do it, and the fees associated, and pad on some expense for any future inconvenience of a name change. Then give him the bill and say "it's not legal that I change it at all- but I will for the following amount of my inconvenience".

- Response by nofreksho, A Trendsetter, Female, 36-45

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What he says is not true. All that matters is that the divorce is final between the two of you.

It is quite common for the divoced wife to keep the last name if they had children or if her married last name is well known in her career.

Sounds like he's just still trying to control you. He needs to get a life. And some correct legal advise.

- Response by audbal82, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Tampa, Science / Engineering

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False. I know plenty of ex-wives who still have their ex-husband's last name and their new wives have his name as well. He's full of it.

- Response by experience101, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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she just doesn't want to have the same last name as you. I know, i'm there right now. My s/o wants to get married but i don't want the same last name as his ex. My situation is different though, she's a child abusing freak.

- Response by beanielou, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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I'd say "Let me jump right on that." with just a touch of sarcasm of course.

Both of them are full of shit and deserve each other.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

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think, do you really want to keep his name, if he gets bad credit, bad rep etc. it may pass on to you, go back to your maiden name and be happy,

- Response by verygood, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Denver, Lawyer

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tell him what you just wrote, if he wants it done he will pay for it, and ps...i think he's "BS"ing you.

- Response by hotair, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, New Orleans, Transportation

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He's full of it. You can have his last name and the new wife can have his last name. Tell him to pay for it...up front and you will or tell him to get lost. Either way.

- Response by ajeepgirl67, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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I've never heard of such a thing. If I were you I would look into this issue.

and

if he really wants you to change you name, Yes he should flip the bill for that.
but don't be vindictive about it, be the bigger person.

- Response by proteus, A Mr. Married Guy, Male, 46-55, Pittsburgh, Who Cares?

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Here is a novial idea, tell him to take her last name and they can go off and live happily everafter as Mrs & Mr Go F'ck off.

- Response by media, A Guy Critical, Male, 56-65, Norfolk, Other Profession

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I still have my ex-husband's last name and his 1st wife does, too. That is such BS.

- Response by cdmom1971, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Administrative

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Laurie, is that you? (Haha...yes, that was a joke)

My husband thinks it's odd that his x-wife still has his surname...even though they've been apart for over 10 years. I could see him "jokingly" telling her she had to change it...just because it's weird that she hasn't already done it.

BUT it doesn't legally mean anything to us at all.
I legally took his name - and her keeping his name had NOTHING to do with it & doesn't keep me from being able to take his name.

Tell me....why do you keep it?
Maybe he's telling you to "let go" of his name...are you keeping it symbolically because you can't "let go" of him?

- Response by Vickey69, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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you can either keep it or change it back but it has nothing to do with her taking it also

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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He's so full of shit! She can take his last name regardless if you still have it or not. More then likely the wife is upset that you still have his last name and she wants to be the only Mrs. Smith!

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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He's crazy!!!! You are now Mrs. whatever your first name is and his last name....She would be Mrs. his first and last name. There is not reason in the world for you to change you name. Tell him to go find someone else to harass.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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ROFLMAO!!! A name is not a physical thing wherein one person has to relinquish it in order for another to have it. When you divorced, you had the choice of keeping your married (his) name or reverting to your maiden name. But your choice to keep his name doesn't "mean" anything - you are legally divorced and free to remarry. The fact that your legal name is "Susan Smith" doesn't mean that his new wife Ann can't become "Ann Smith".

I should add that, even if she kept her maiden name, once married, she is his legal spouse. You're the ex who still has the same name as he does, and that's about it.

- Response by Nora1968, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Managerial

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He is full of it. You don't have to change it if you don't want to and she can still change hers. He's just trying to be a pain in the ass.

- Response by misskitty420, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35, Student

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I've answered this type of question before. You can keep your "married" name as your own. You legally changed it, and if it will cause you trouble changing it, then you don't have to change it. His new wife can also have "his name". There can be more than one Mrs. Smith in your town. As long as you don't misrepresent yourself as his legal wife with your creditors, you will will fine. It's just a last name. If he has brothers, and they married, their wives would be called Mrs. Smith too. My mother kept her married name throughout her life. My parents divorce when I was two.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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ha ha - I hope it was his lawyer that gave him that stupid advice so you can reep the benefits in court! tell him to take a hike

- Response by ruffian, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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If he wants you to change it ,then yes he should pay.I do not know for sure,but I think his new wife can take his name when they get married, if that is what she wants.This just might be her idea to have you go back to your maiden name.Some of the people I know that have gotten a divorce perfer to take back their maiden name.

- Response by roanna, A Hippie Chick, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

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You actually DON'T have to pay to change your name as part of a divorce. Typically there is paperwork included in a divorce that asks you what name you will want to go by post divorce. It's included in the filing and costs nothing extra. As for his claim that you have to relinquish your title as Mrs. Whatever....you don't have to do that at all. In fact you can retain your married title AND his new wife can also take the name of Mrs. Whatever. No I personally have some pretty strong feelings about names, names implying property or ownership of, names and who your are or who you are becoming, and names that hold really bad associates psychically. IMO you should ditch HIS name but NOT for him...he's an ass....but instead for you. Choose a whole new name....one that tells others who you really are inside. When I divorce I will become .....blahblah Ave D'Alegria....my first name/Bird of jubilation or joy! This is who I choose to be in the world. It isn't my father's name, nor a spouses....it will be my own.

- Response by joybird, A Player, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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Your ex husband can get married 20 times over and every one of his wives can have his last name...there is absolutely NO WAY in hell that you have to change your last name if you don't want to because he's just trying to appease his soon to be wife and she's probably the one that is telling him to tell you to change your last name...do it if you want to but not because he or she wants you to because you don't have to do anything because you are no longer married to him...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Sounds like he married a stupid fool. His new wife can take his last name or hyphenate it to hers. You can keep his last name.

With me........I had not even thought about it until my ex husband said when I was divorcing him that as long as I still had his last name, I was still 'his' (like some damn piece of property)........I am Soooo glad he said that, cause I 'immediately' found information and the legal form where I could file along with the papers for the divorce, the request with the judge to legally go back to my maiden name and it was granted without a problem.

- Response by jpm51, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Baltimore, Administrative

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This is a multiple choice answer. You know your ex husband so you decide the correct answer. Your ex husband:

a) is mis-informed about the whole name thing and believes it.
b) is a liar
c) is stupid
d) thinks you are stupid.

You don't have to change your name back.

- Response by hnimsoc, A Creative, Male, 56-65, Edmonton, Retired

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No, that is not true. He can marry another woman and she can take his last name too. He's either lying or just plain stupid.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Political / Government

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..ignore him..he just wants for u to change ur last name because he now has a new wife and i'm sure he wants to make it clear to her that the marriage is over between u and him..i'd change it when able..u don't have to explain urself..

- Response by michellekia, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, St.Louis, Other Profession

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She is playing him out of jealousy over you. She can still take his name she just does not want you to have his anymore. Tell him if she wants you to change back let her pay for it.

- Response by dreamdancer, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Houston, Other Profession

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I still have my ex-husband's last name and he remarried 5 years ago. He asked me to change my last name but I never did. His wife has his last name. He's full of shit.

- Response by floridagirl, An Alternative Girl, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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