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My wife does not respect me, or listen to me, she spends way too much money, what can i do?
Married Life / 7:15 PM - Sunday September 13, 2009

My wife does not respect me, or listen to me, she spends way too much money, what can i do?

She also has a horrible temper. I have tried counseling and just about everything you could do including talking to the people closest to her about her attitude and behavior. Nothing has worked and I'm just about at the end of the road what can i do ??

Update: September 14, 2009.
Thank you all for taking the time to respond. To answer some of your questions, the situation is actually worse than the number of words i was limited to. We have 2 kids a 6 yr old step daughter and a 2 yr old we have together. The 6 yr old is spoiled rotten and possibly worse than the wife. O yeah by the way i never get any either, and all the work i do around the house is unappreciated. Besides mowing the yard, i do general house cleaning on a daily basis which includes laundry, and cleaning up after the 2 yr old. And she actually tells me im lazy ha! All she does is give me one excuse after another about everything and she never apologizes when she's wrong. I really do love her but i can honestly say if we didnt have a kid i would not sill be around. But i do not want to end this marriage i just want things to get better, i want her to grow up and be more responsible and show some maturity. I need more advice!!

- Asked by Male, 29-35

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Have you ever heard of a "shock collar"?

- Response by jaygfla, A Creative, Male, 29-35, Managerial

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At your age, there are many things that come to mind. However, when I read the question, I thought of a person near my age. What do her parents think? Has she ever seemed or been treated for depression? They usually lash out at the ones they love, overspend, and do not recognize her change in behavior. Be sure she is not on drugs and drinking, (a closet user) and I am wondering if she works. You do need to keep hold of more money for yourself just incase this does not clear up. You have to make sure the bills are paid. If you have not already, you need a seperate banking account. She may be realizing she got married too young and does not know what to do about it. When I am depressed, which I have not had a bout of it in a while... I bought things I really did not need, I was angry at those closer too me, and I really did not see anything anyone could do to help. Love is blind... after a few years...reality sets in and ppl change. Do you have any children? There are other diagnosis, such as bi-polar...if her moods swing.
You have gone over and beyound the call of helping her. More than most men would do. Maybe you should back off, that may make her temper rage, to know you go to her friends about her. Do they agree with you about her attitude and temper? I do want to know more, and to know how you handle this. You are so young to have this unhappiness in your life. Go to WedMD and look up depression and bi-polar. Let me know if anything reminds you of her. Bless you in your deeds!







- Response by thatcrazyrncms, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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You need to read about the rating system and how to use it. A shock collar was an inappropriate answer. I'll never answer your questions again and good or bad... hope you get what you deserve!

- Response by markcin1, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, San Diego, Retail

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Leave her for a few days ...let her MISS YOU!

- Response by kismet331, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Do for you....she obviously doesn't care or she would have changed some to make you happy. You need to work on you and what makes you happy.

- Response by lasttrueromantic, A Creative, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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Love is a funny thing... and it's always changing. What did you see in her in the first place? Try to remember those qualities and see if they are still there. She sounds like she is dealing with a coping problem. You have to decide what part you have to play in this whole picture. Usually if you go in the bathroom and look in the mirror...that's half the problem!
If you have tried "everything" in your power to make her happy and "nothing" works...The old saying is "You have to fish or cut bait" You don't say how long this marital "bliss" has been going on.
Some things just can't be "fixed" It's always better to try and fix a problem than to create a new one (if you know what I mean)
Good Luck...If you want to talk send me an e-mail
Sincerely Yours,
Markcin1

- Response by markcin1, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, San Diego, Retail

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thats why their is divorce

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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"Respect" is based on setting and observing personal boundaries. It doesn't look (from here) as if you've nailed down any of your own personal boundaries, but she has pushed hers right over you.
You haven't described the results of the counseling, what did it achieve?
I'd say, you're a classic case of the Nice Guy Syndrome, and your lack of personal boundaries has become bait for her control issues. I can relate, because I've been there. Usually, a "Nice Guy" lets himself get pushed right to the wall before he grows the spine she wanted him to have right from the start. What happens next is a "Victim Puke" explosion, and it ain't pretty when it happens.
Have you read Robert Glover's "No More Mr Nice Guy!"? It's cheap at amazon, and you can visit his site, Nomoremrniceguy dot com. The book has a number of "Breaking Free" exercises, and it sounds like you need to do these.
The website has a forum where you can exchange experiences with other men.
Glover advises that doing these exercises can either save your relationship, or hasten the end of a relationship that never should have begun.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

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I agree with chesterdad 100%. Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. I would also, suggest reading Dr. Laura Schlesinger's book, 'The Proper Care and Feeding of your husbands'. You my friend have married the classic american woman who's turned into a high maintenance, bitchy, I deserve it all control freak. Like Chesterdad said, you are a nice guy and women don't want nice guys. They won't ever admit it but they want a man that will stand up to them and put them in their place. Your wife doesn't respect you therefore, she doesn't love you. I would get a divorce and find the women that are attracted to you and that will respect you. I know what I'm talking about, I was married 18 years to a wife just like yours and she was the she devil from hell. btw - don't forget to rate the responses.

- Response by ereculus, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Boston, Other Profession

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Been there, done that. Now remarried to a wonderful lady. Life is too short to spend it with someone who treated me like that. Not that I'm a great person but, I deserve beter than that. Good Luck!

- Response by bigdog52, A Father Figure, Male, 56-65, Oklahoma City, Science / Engineering

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Get ready to say no. When she gets louder and angrier, you get calmer and stand your ground firmly. Being aggressive won't help, and being passive won't help. Just stand strong. Be a leader. You will almost definitely oppose you. Be a leader anyway. She's acting like a child - guess what? When a parent has an out of control child and takes back that control, the child will act out and make matters worse initially - it gets worse before it gets better. You have to stay strong during that period. It could last weeks, it could last months. Heaven forbid, it could last years. Don't stop loving her. Don't control her. But stand your ground with strength and calmness.

What I think you should do to put all of the above into action is (assuming you both have jobs):

- Get a seperate bank account.
- Tell her that you will pay half the rent/house repayments, half the bills, and half the groceries.
- To the best of your ability, pay 50% of each of the above. You only pay for things you have information on. If she won't let you see a bill, you don't pay for that bill.
- If this causes the electricty to be shut off, stay strong. If this causes your belongings to be repossessed, stay strong. She may claim that you are punishing her and the kids. It's not punishment, it's discipline. She clearly doesn't have discipline, and a wake up call like this will hopefully teach her some discipline. She needs to understand that if she doesn't allow you to be a husband and father, and if she doesn't be a wife and mother, then the consequences on the family are harsh times.

- Response by ryanthegreatarj, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 22-25, Student

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How ever u both earn your $ bills, food, shelter etc are proprity as we all know this.
Do u both work and have incomes or u Husband just the worker and income?..
If just one income into house prioritise bills etc and give an allowance. Money montoring for spending should be considered. Give weekly allowance and thats it . NO MORE
If 2 incomes and bill paid etc food in fridge etc.Wife should be able to spend her earnt dollars the way she does.
If gambling is how she is spending the $ . gambling annon services are available to help with addictive spenders behaviours etc..
goodluck

- Response by berri, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, New South Wales, Who Cares?

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be willing to make this an issue you will divorce her if she does not seek counselling. She has anger management issues and sounds abusive....but you BOTH need counselling to learn how to communicate properly and fight productively.

- Response by meowmeowww, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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Do you have children? If not, don't. Work this out before starting a family.

- Response by integrity111, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Who Cares?

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Some marriages were not meant to last.Why put up with it.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

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you could threaten to divorce her, but threats that are not converted into genuine action are often viewed as bluff. still, if you put her feet to the fire with a genuine "drop dead date" for a major overhaul of the relationship, then hire a lawyer and get on with it.

if you give it an honest try and nothing works, you need not stick it out nor feel guilt about salvaging your life from a shitty marriage.

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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