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My adult children never call me except on my birthday and mother's day
Family & Parenting / 1:29 AM - Sunday September 13, 2009

my adult children never call me except on my birthday and mother's day

what do i do?

- Asked by A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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Send them sympathy cards for the loss of their beloved mother. And before putting them in the mail disconnect your phone. ;)

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

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Have you tried calling them first?

- Response by anie01, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Teaching

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Community Rating: Community Star

next time they call, dont answer the phone...

- Response by osieboo, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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My ex hubby called his mom almost everyday but forgot about/when her birthday!!, that's a typical guy things??


- Response by azianchemistry, A Player, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Who Cares?

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my brother called my Mom collect on Mothers Day and he makes 10x her salary.

My Mom drives me f-ing nuts and puts me in a bad mood within 5 minutes of talking to her. I have gone years without talking to her. But now I talk to her once every 2 weeks and see her once or twice a year for a few days.

Tell them you would like to be a bigger part of their life and see what they say...

- Response by meowmeowww, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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Call them and tell them that you are missing them and that you need more connection with them, and apologize for whatever you have said, done or acted out about in the past that has them avoiding you... My Mom had to do this with her boys to get past their imagined "hurts" and open up the channel of communication. She winked at me when telling them, as she didn't mean a word of it, but it worked!

- Response by siouxzen, A Career Woman, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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I think that is a shame for a mother to be getting after all that you have done for them while they were growing up, all the sacrefices for them when needed to be and your heart that has to be split in so many ways and that you never got time to be just you , I will never understnad it either. I have four grown children and I hear from them every other day and sometimes daily or more but usually when they are wanting something from us or do them a favor or babysit the grandchildren, I dont mind that at all. BUt yes its sad for children to do their mothers who loves them more than the world!!

- Response by ptawillis, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Medical / Dental

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have you ever lied to your kids? they might be mad about that....

- Response by kmf1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55, Minneapolis, Who Cares?

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You did your job as a parent. I was always taught that when your children grow up and go out on their own to start their own families you know you did your job when they don't come back often. I call my mom a lot but if I was to move out of town like I have before I may hear from her a few times a year unless I call her. So if you want to talk to your kids then call them, people are busy once they start their own lives and they tend to forget the small things.

- Response by staceym2112, A Cool Mom, Female, 26-28, Medical / Dental

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I'm sorry about you and your children's relationshiip, the others are right that phone line works two ways...start using it. Your question made me realize how blessed I am. I have two adult daughters that live out of state and they call several times a day. I get pictures emailed to me and get phone calls to hear the baby jabber. Please start the lines of communication!!! Good Luck@+!

- Response by bambi58, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Indianapolis, Retired

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The phone works both ways. You can call them when you would like to talk to them.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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call them dad hated to use the phone..never would we would not call him much...we figured if he cant call..then we call them....pesture the little ones

- Response by hwyrider, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Retired

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accept them as they are

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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I find this terribly sad!! I caLL my mom a couple times a week and I also hear from my daughter as much. Not so much with my sons but it's sure more than twice a year. Do you call them at all? Some people hate the phone but that is still NO excuse for calling to find out how you are!!!

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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In between your birthday and Mother's day you could die and they not know it until the holiday which ever comes first they won't know.
I would send them a letter reminding them what you were to them. They can't be that busy to not at least call you once a week and come see you at least once a month. It really sucks.

- Response by thewiselady2004, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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Find outside interests. My kids don't call me either. It's not that they are insensitive or lazy, they just have lives of their own. What ever you do, don't berate them for the lack of calls when you do talk to them. Have you tried sending a funny card of the "I haven't heard from you variety."

There's no way to make anyone do anything. It doesn't mean that you are a bad mom. Just make your life more full doing things you are interested in and you won't have time to notice the phone isn't ringing.

- Response by jeanhealth43, Female, 56-65, Kansas City

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for one let them know how it makes you fell and maybe find out whats going on in there lives to couse this even though it dont matter your there mother and we are only here for a little while i hope this helps

- Response by lovemuffinisme, A Thinker, Female, 46-55

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No offense, but it sounds like either you have very selfish, inconsiderate children, or something was lacking in the relationship with them while they were growing up for them to be treating you this way. If they were my children, I'd ask them what's up with this silent treatment.

- Response by experience101, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Who Cares?

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I'd say the correct question is not "what do i do?" it's "What did I do? or What have I done?" There is a reason they don't call other than on "guilt" days. Are you controling? Neurotic? Overbearing? Manipulative? Needy? Did you forget to teach them manners? Were you too busy for them when they were growing up? No one on this forum can answer these questions but you. If the answer is to these questions is "no" then you unfortunately raised a bunch of self centred children. Accept it and get some friends.

- Response by hnimsoc, A Creative, Male, 56-65, Celebrity

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That's sucky. My brother does the same thing to my mom...and I know it hurts her. I would just say maybe to try and open the lines of communication a little by randomly calling to say hello, maybe even having family dinners or get togethers. Do you live in the same place?

- Response by zhzfs5, A Cool Mom, Female, 29-35

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well, do you pester them to call you and guilt trip them whenever they do call? Do you try to "fix" their lives whenever they do involve you in them? Do you demand and expect more than they can reasonably give?
My mom does that, ergo, I only call her on her Birthday and Christmas. You sow what you reap...

- Response by A Creative, Female, 36-45, Other Profession

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I'm the mother of one son, and he calls me not on those days. I would love for him to do so, but I take what I can get as I'm aware that miles do not seperate us from their love. This generation are busy and a bit thougtless about the things we hold dear. Thank God their still alive. I hope this helps you.
But if not, call and express your feelings in love and I'm sure they'll respond once they know how you hold these days as important and needs to be honored.

- Response by Female, 66 or older

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Barrb says the phone works both ways. were i to call my two sons the telephone company would need to re wire the system. My language would burn the lines out.

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

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Have you tried texting? I seem to talk to my Mom more now that she is able to text me. She got the advice from a friend at work and I think its really helpful. She doesn't think I am ignoring her calls when I am busy now and I can multitask without seeming rude...

- Response by snwdngo, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Denver, Teaching

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call them and let them know you love them and miss them. Tell them you want to hear from them so you know they are ok. be happy they are independent and not leaning on you, and cultivate your own activities either in a new interest, or in something that involves them.

- Response by ruffian, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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I have read your answers

- Response by 22many, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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This is a perfect example of how kids grow up and move on and why I say that mothers should not make their children their top priority when they are smaller. Make them a PART of your life, but not your whole life. Don't always be there for them, and don't do everything for the ungrateful wretches either. Tell them no at least 10x per day just so they get used to hearing the word, and when they want you to do stuff for them, modify the no with the word "hell" in front of it.

WHen you treat children like they are peripheral and optional parts of your life, they appreciate you a lot more.

- Response by msheartbeat, A Trendsetter, Female, 46-55, San Francisco, Self-Employed

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