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Boyfriend states he wants to live with me, but then he hasn't called in 4 days. sending mixed signal
Dating / 8:16 AM - Monday September 07, 2009

boyfriend states he wants to live with me, but then he hasn't called in 4 days. sending mixed signal

I have been a dating a great guy, who is raising his 2 boys alone, works double shifts and is in the process of buying a home. The last time we were together he told me how much he cares about me and that he wants us to live together. Now, he has not called me for 5 days, I tried to call him and he has not called me back. Why is he sending me mixed signals? If he cares as much as he says, wouldn't he want me around more? I have told him, I will help him with his kids and help get the house ready to move into. I am so confused and feel hurt.

- Asked by kangels, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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I think if you want to get in this relationship you
will have to realize his priorities are his boys - which they should be. He sounds like he's trying very hard to take the best care he can of them and he needs support too. I'm sorry to sound hard, but he doesn't need any more demands. He's probably exhausted. You might want to find someone else that has more time for you.

- Response by monicaonthebeach, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Body Work

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Is a big responsability and drama to live with a man with kids , he probably realized that he do not want to put his children in this situation, they are from a broken home.... so he moves with you, it will problably affect the children more...he probably thought of the idea to have u as a nanny for her kids and a person who can take care of the house but he might probably do not want to put you in that situation my point is......there are the to things that I can think of, I would say move on.

- Response by pemby8, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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If he really cared about you he wouldn't avoid your calls. He would want to be with you and would give you the affection we all crave and vice versa... :-?

- Response by josephjmusic, A Creative, Male, 46-55

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Dear kangels,
I am sorry that you are being treated so badly, and I sure don't blame you for feeling hurt. You've offered your help to this guy, and busy or not, he doesn't have the courtesy to return your phone call. He may feel overwhelmed by the comittment of buying a home, want to see if he can do this on his own, etc. There is NO excuse for allowing your call to go unanswered for so long. I don't know if you're getting mixed signals or if his signal has changed. As women, we want to be helpful and available, and I'm afraid our signals are sometimes misread. We can be seen as so desperate for a man we'll do anything to please and are subsequently taken advantage of. I hope this isn't the case for you. I suggest you make one last phone call, and in a polite, steady voice (rehearse if need be), tell your guy that although you recognize that he's busy, you're disappointed you haven't heard from him so that you can firm up your plans and either help with the boys or...If you don't have an "or," get one because it is likely part of the problem. End your call by setting a time frame within 24-36 hours. "It would be helpful if you could call me by Wednesday night at 7PM. I hope you and the boys are doing well with the move. Bye." Then stop calling and hope he respects your time and request, and put your time and energy into taking care of yourself. When/if he does call, listen to his explanation/excuse WITHOUT interuption or argument. Let him finish before you speak. Acknowledge what he says even if you don't agree (e.g. "You thought it was an imposition to have me help?"). Remain calm. Thank him for calling. Refrain from "pleading" to help or for the next call/date though do make sure he hears that you are leaving the door open. When/if you do come back together, work on communication with him so that your heart doesn't keep hurting. Good luck.

- Response by Female, 56-65

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