Thank you for your many years of support. We want to share the news with you that after much consideration, will cease operations in its present format on October 15th. We appreciate your meaningful contributions over the years.
Back to Home

Active Questions

Does everybody cheat?
Married Life / 1:38 PM - Saturday September 05, 2009

Does everybody cheat?

I would like to know: how many here believe that it is impossible to stay faithful in a romantic relationship, that cheating by either party is to be expected as a matter of course?

Update: September 06, 2009.
In answer to the question of whether or not I am involved in divorce cases: In my country, divorce is not provided for under our laws. The only way to sever the marriage bond is to file for annulment based on psychological incapacity (we refer to it as Article 36). There is probably an annulment case filed every day, and more and more are granted by our courts. But, in the last 20 years that Article 36 has been effective, only TWO cases that reached the Supreme Court has been affirmed. Yes, our society is still very much "Catholic", and despite our Constitution providing for separation of church and state, the church still gets to influence a lot of what our government does. I just thought maybe you would be interested to know something of my country first hand. ;)

- Asked by moondancer37, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Lawyer

Read more about the Rating System

Not. Cheating is NOT expected, nor is it often condoned. Cheating is an indication that a remnant or even a large dose of immaturity yet exists in the person doing the cheating.

It is an unwillingness to face life on life's terms. One who cheats will lie. One who lies will steal. It is a dishonesty.

It wrecks all kinds of things including self respect.


- Response by rekkonball, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older, Retired

Rating Received:

You have to look at the entire issue without using pejorative language first of all. Otherwise you start with a bias when discussing this issue. AND it becomes important to discuss what we know about the human animal in general because we are an arrogant lot who still insist that we are in total cognitive control over our biologies. We are not.
So you start by changing that word "cheating" to the creation of primary and secondary relationships. Is it possible for some people to remain monogamous within a primary relationship for life...which isn't serial monogamy BTW. Yes in a small percentage of cases. Is it possible for other people to remain monogamous within the context of primary relationships in serial monogamous fashion....another words they break up and then begin anew with someone else. Yes. BUT and it's a huge but.
We now know that no all humans are genetically monogamous. That's right...there's a genetic orientation for monogamy or polygamy. We have yet to fully understand how being polygamist in orientation and being forced to live a life other than observing your own orientation impacts health and well being. I strongly believe that these are the people who tend to take on secondary relationships. We aren't talking about sex addicts here which is something else altogether but instead people who conduct lateral meaningful relationships of some duration.
I don't think honoring who one is whether male, female, gay, straight, monogamist, or polygamist is a statement about whether one is mature or not. It is a reality of the variations of humans and we will eventually need to incorporate what is normal behavior.
Up till now monogamists want to deny that this is normal behavior for a large percentage of humans. That's too bad because given this fact societies are unlikely to change much about this issue save for sanction against it which serves to do nothing more than drive the behavior underground.

Now as for expectations of monogamy...If you want that then find someone who has demonstrated the ability to remain a virgin as a male or female into the higher age brackets or someone who has demonstrated long term monogamy in dating before sealing the deal with them. And even this won't be any kind of guarentee because when people find their emotional intimacy needs not being met or their physical intimacy needs not being met or both....they will look for these things elsewhere because they are both necessary to health and well-being. You will find it difficult to subvert this flow in the biological drive towards health.

- Response by joybird, A Creative, Female, Who Cares?, Therapist

Rating Received:

The argument that everyone cheats only holds merit with cheaters.

I never have. Had several opportunities...didn't take them.

I know what love is.

- Response by vabyss, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

no everyone doesn't cheat...and i told him that in my answer. I think that people cheat in relationships because they can and because they are selfish. but i also feel that if a person gets in to a relationship for the right reasons they will have no need to cheat and if problems arize they will work on them.

- Response by phenomenal1woman, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago

Rating Received:

I have never cheated and I'm sure i'm not alone.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 66 or older, Tampa, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

Yea, they do but they will never admit to it. Even those that do not cheat so to speak will degrade their current relationship to the point to where they break up. They then go to the other person they had their eye on. That is why they say get divorced first.

- Response by william45, A Career Man, Male, 46-55, Chicago, Teaching

Rating Received:

ALL married men that I know cheat on their, I just know very few women cheaters.
I am sure that human beings are not monogamy by nature.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

Rating Received:

Answer the original question.Yes it is very naive.Not all men and women cheat.But I know that there are more men that do, over do not.And as far as women, I do not know for sure how many do cheat over do not.A marriage can last for ever,but sooner or later the relationship, is took for granted and certain needs are over look.And these needs are very improtant for a lasting relationship.And yes; sex is the top one.So when that is not being meet, one or the other person in that relationship will stray to fulfill that need.It does not mean the marriage is over.Certain situations determane that.All though a majority of them will fail.Once a person reaches some where in their 40's -50's at times, feel that they do not appeal to the opposite sex, and feel the need to find out.And to do that they stray,hopeing they don't get caught or even tell the other partner what they did and why.This seems to be a very natural thing in our stages of life.Maybe not everyone goes through this.But a majority of us do.
For the pop'd ? I do not feel anything is impossible.It is the person thet makes it possible or not.So my answer would be I do not think it is impossible in a marriage to stay faithful.Just need to have good comunication and be willing to compromise all through that marrfiage. :)

- Response by roanna, A Hippie Chick, Female, 56-65, Self-Employed

Rating Received:

I would say cheatubf iccurs in around25% of marriages ny one or theotherpartnet

- Response by duggers, A Guy Critical, Male, 66 or older

Rating Received:

No everybody does not cheat, I believe a good portion does both men and women.

- Response by shyrich, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Seattle, Other Profession

Rating Received:

No, absolutely not. Those who have respect and true feelings for their partner would never cause them pain by cheating on them. The idea that everyone cheats is just an lame excuse that lets those who are low enough to cheat feel better when they don't deserve to.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 22-25

Rating Received:

not everyone but probably the people who should be divorced

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

I would not say all but most will at one time or another

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

Rating Received:

I know it's possible to stay faithful to your partner. True intimacy happens when you make your significant other your only sex partner. Then you set up boundaries with others that won't let cheating happen.

- Response by A Career Woman, Male, 46-55

Rating Received:

I think it is possible for two people to remain faithful to each other for the course of a very long marriage. My parents did that. But they were not happy most of the time. To do this and be happy about it? I think that it's very rare, but could happen.

I think that in order for this to happen, both people must lower there expectations of what they want in life and settle for what they have. Just live with it and try to be happy.

I guess you can always HOPE that there is reincarnation, and you can come back and find someone else and maybe be happier the next time. But I'm not sure if that's the case.

- Response by bob49, A Rebel, Male, 66 or older, Seattle, Transportation

Rating Received:

I don't think it's impossible to remain faithful to one person for a long period of time.

I just don't know if I could do it for life. IJS.

- Response by electragold21, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, New York, Teaching

Rating Received:

im sure we all have thought of it once or 20 times

- Response by boxer1, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Self-Employed

Rating Received: