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Have you ever felt lonely in a relationship?
Dating, Married Life / 10:43 AM - Sunday August 30, 2009

Have you ever felt lonely in a relationship?

Let's say he is everything you dreamed of minus some minor details you can live without but you just feel lonely no matter what. Can you change this? How?

- Asked by daisysmiles223, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Sacramento, Food Service

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No, thank goodness. In the example you've given, I would have to say that the problem would have more to do with the person not being satisfied with themselves, or not having much life outside of the man they are with. No man or woman can give a person anything that would combat their loneliness ALL of the time. Because, that person is still a unique individual with their own life, interests, and friends. So, during those times when they off on their own, will be the times when some feel lonely within their relationship. This would not be due to a lack of attention or satisfaction within a relationship.

This is something that only the individual who lacks satisfaction within their own lives would have to take responsibility for. What you consider minor details would make a lot of difference in whether or not the loneliness is coming from something external or internal. A person lonely within a relationship need to find their own interests, friendships, hobbies, ability to socialize, and seek their own individual fulfillment with their own life. I have seen people who do not have wholeness and happiness within their own life, destroy their relationships, by expecting their s/o to compensate for their deficiencies in happiness and their lives. It really is not fair to that person. It creates too much of a burden on the other person to always have to do this. So, hopefully the person can come to the realization that they have to deal with their problem and not make this a relationship issue.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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I used to feel a bit lonely in the company of one of my ex boyfriends when we were together. He was an introverted, solitary (I'd almost say antisocial) person who's idea of fun was a "weekend in" with movies and ordering pizza. I find this fun too from time to time, but not as frequently as he did. He had no interest in associating with the people around him, so when we hung out, it was almost always just him and me. Sometimes his company wasn't always fulfilling either - when we went out to eat, he would almost completely zone out into thought and gaze around the room instead of being a good conversationalist with me. It felt like talking to a brick wall at times.

I'm painting out to be pretty horrible, but the truth is he was a great guy in many other ways.

If you feel like that about someone, then maybe try to find out if you feel lonely because of how you guys spend your time (ie: always in instead of being social) or how he makes you feel 1 on 1. In my case, it was a personality difference that clashed - no way of fixing it, so we broke up. Remember that there is NO changing a person. Never rely on the possibility of doing that. Find out why you're feeling lonely and if its because of a lack of chemistry, then it may not be an easy fix.

- Response by heavenonearth27, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Toronto

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Perhaps you lack emotional intimacy and don't feel you can share things with him or he can't share things with you. That he doesn't tell you how he is feeling. Maybe you need to bring this up to him and tell him how you are feeling.

- Response by hulagirl55, A Sportif, Female, Who Cares?, Who Cares?

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I think that just like depression there are different types of loneliness. I love alone and doing certain things by myself. I do feel lonely in my marriage at times because I feel that I can't share something I know he can't handle. I think that the loneliest times have been when I was unable to be with my loved ones on a holiday or when I realized that my marriage might be failing. When I would see those lovely 80 - year old couples together, it made me lonely for a future companion. Strange, huh. I don't want to die alone. I am not a lonely person but as everyone else, I have experienced the feeling of loneliness. After all this, my answer is that I guess that the change has to come from you, not him. Look at yourself and determine what the root cause is and that will help you decide how to change. Sometimes we expect our companionship to always come from someone else, but I have found that my spirit communes with me in solitary. Does that sound weird?

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65

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Yes, the relationship I had with my ex-boyfriend, and I'm sure he felt lonely as well.

- Response by myrtletyrtle, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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Yes I have. Needless to say the relationship did not last long.

- Response by MaryAnne, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Regina, Managerial

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are you missing your familia?

- Response by osieboo, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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Yes, definately. You know for a long time I thought if I was in a relationship I should not feel lonely. i thought if I had someone who cared about me and spent time with me that I would never feel lonliness. But, I learned that sometimes we feel lonley even when we are surrounded by people.

Most of the time people feel lonely when they do have a sense of being understood or feeling like they belong. The best ways to remedy this challenge is to find a place, activity, hobbie, group where you feel understood and like you belong. Soon you will feel less lonely and more satisfied in your relationship because you will no longer be looking towards it to meet a need it may never have been able to meet.

Good luck!

- Response by lasirenamorena, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Executive

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Well it's not really about him, it's about you. You may have a void to fill within yourself and this can be done by finding hobbies you enjoy, doing something creative, or anything else you enjoy. You can't expect another to fill voids w/in yourself, just be grateful you have that person and work to fill up yourself.

- Response by sweetmama247, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Buffalo, Home Maker

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oh my god, yes. and now that i'm technically alone, i don't feel lonely, usually, and if i do, at least there's a logical reason for it.

- Response by isotope, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Science / Engineering

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By realizing that no one PERSON is responsible for your inner balance, harmoney, and happiness.

A sense of peace, fulfillment, accomplishment, and unity with all of life comes from within---not from a romantic or even long-term relationship.

Having someone in your life to share life's journey is a great BLESSING-----------but it isn't the brass ring itself.

The answer is inside yourself.

- Response by ocelotspot, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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Yes.
I believe the reason is that he is not fullfilling your emotional needs.

- Response by nysbikergirl, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

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yes i have felt lonely in my relationship.... and you CAN change this but, it takes TIME...Try talking.. Trust me.. I try and try everyday not to be lonely..i go home for work and all my husband does is stay in the house..i compromised a couple of times but i'm in the same position..it's still like being alone.. i am in an office all day..i need to be outside... it's hard..and you start mind wondering..if you know what i mean.. i don't like feeling lonely..i am still young yet..my kids are grown up and out of the house.. i take care of myself..have a good job..etc..etc..I don't know how long you've been with this person but...my advice and from experience..don't let it comsume your life...It does take time.. i wish you luck...

- Response by wildisland1, A Life of the Party, Female, 46-55

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You can NOT change a man....please don't attempt that.

My husband pulled that crap about every two weeks...he'd mope around, ignore us when we talked & often pace around in the garage alone - usually pretending to work on something out there, but it was apparent he was just grazing around. If I went out there & said something to him - I'd have to repeat myself 3 times to get an answer - and that answer usually was "I HEARD YOU!" This usually lasted an entire day!!! Sometimes I'd go to bed wondering if he was going to sleep in the house :-0

So I've gotten into the habit to take the kids & just LEAVE and go somewhere and leave him home alone for a few hours every other Saturday.
Lately I've come home from my outings to find him in a GREAT mood - usually started the grill & planning to cook dinner and spend time with me :-)

All you can do is understand that this man is perfect in every way, but sometimes he misses the freedom he used to have.
I've checked the phone records (yes, I wondered what he was doing while I was gone...) and he spent most of the time on his cellphone catching up with his Dad or his brother....so he obviously needs "guy time"

- Response by Vickey69, A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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If you're feeling lonely it means it is not right no matter how perfect a relationship is in writing. Hands down. Everytime I felt lonely in a relationship I ended it after much deliberation. And now I'm finally in a relationship and no longer getting that lonely feeling. Leaving those men was the best decision I ever made as it led me to who I am with now. Now I never feel lonely, only when he is gone.

- Response by kthall, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Halifax, Hospitality

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I feel lonely a lot. My bf and I have been going out for 8 and a half years but I feel like I don't see him a lot even when my house was only a five min drive away. In a week I was lucky if I got to see him for 6hours over two days. The little time I talked to him on the phone it seemed like he wasn't really there. I know that he loves me but even know when we live together I'm in our room tonight alone while he's at a bar.

- Response by sw33tn3ss4321, An Engaged Girl, Female, 29-35

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ya i felt that a lot

- Response by tremors24, An Alternative Girl, Female, 29-35, Student

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