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I'm divorced 3 months and still in love with my ex-wife. How do I get over her and move on in life?
Married Life / 10:12 AM - Saturday August 29, 2009

I'm divorced 3 months and still in love with my ex-wife. How do I get over her and move on in life?

After being married 14 years, out of the blue, she wanted a divorce. We rarely fought. I thought everything was going great. She didn't want to try seperation, or talking about anything and no attempt at counseling. We got divorced but I'm still totally in love with her. She said that she just wanted to be alone. I want to move on in my life but cant. I am dating again but other women dont meet my standards so it's almost impossible to emotionally connect with them. A reconsilliation is not an option with the ex. I've researched this problem and have tried everything to put her behind me but I think about her alot.

- Asked by Male, 46-55

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Aww. Sorry you're going through this. She probably wasn't happy and kept things to herself instead of talking things out with you. If she's met someone else and sparing your feelings; either way, it's best to focus on you and what makes you happy. Don't let yourself go. All your feeling is normal and shall pass in time. Surround yourself with friends and do things you never could do because you were married. Have fun and smile alot.

- Response by sexyexotica, A Sportif, Female, 29-35, Other Profession

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It's only been 3 months. You have to give yourself time to mourn the loss of a loved one, just as you would had someone died. Because, it feels this way to you. Don't try to start dating too soon. Because, right now, the way you're feeling emotionally, you might "think" these women don't fit your standards, when you've really haven't given them any type of chance. You cannot see clearly right now. You might need counseling and a support group for the divorced yourself. You do have to start keeping busy and socializing again. But, don't rush things. Your healing process might take much longer than what you're expecting or what other people believe. So, what you're feeling is normal.

However, you have to realize that your ex-wife has gone on with her life. She's not going to feel bad and not date and move on. You have to be realistic just as you have in your post. You have to know that no matter how much you want her and miss her, she's moved on, and you should too. Read some books on how you're feeling or love being lost. Believe me, it might seem corny. But, they can help a lot. Because, in most cases, you'll find within the different testimonies about others lives, what you're going through. It helps to know that others understand and are or have gone through what you're feeling now. Make sure you're surrounding yourself with loving and supportive family and friends who will not push you or trivialize what you're going through and how long. I know things will get better for you. You will love again. But, you have to give yourself time to truly get over the love that's still in your heart for someone else. Stay strong and faithful.

- Response by thelovedovefor1, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Atlanta, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

I understand exactly what you're going thru. I was married 18 years then all of a sudden she dropped the 'I want a divorce' bomb. It was devastating to say the least. I was divorced in 2006 and am just getting on with my life after 3.5 years. I didn't date after 3 months - I was still in mourning. That was the last thing on my mind. I would give your self some time to heal. Stay busy with work, friends, family. I would also, join a support group for divorced men. I too, loved my wife but after all is said and done, it was beneficial to get away from her. She was dragging me down financially, and truthfully, she did not meet my needs as a man. I made a bad decision marrying her as she became like a lot of women in this society, extremely selfish. This is why 70 percent of women initiate divorce because they're 'unhappy'.

- Response by A Creative, Male, 46-55, Boston, Other Profession

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Time heals. You just need to concentrate on yourself. You don't need another relationship right now. In time, you might but right now, you wouldn't do well in any relationship.

- Response by roaminginsomniac, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Law Enforcement

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Three months is not an extraordinary amount of time to heal from such a devestation!! If someone had died would you think you would be over it in just three little months? no, of course not. The person who is left is the one with the most pain and so has the hardest time moving on. Maybe instead of trying so hard to 'replace' her right away you could just spend some time alone yourself or with buddies to keep occupied. You are not really ready to date yet. Time does heal eventually.

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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My man, also, left me. He thought that talking to co-worker was cheating. I was in love with him, also. I was confused, hurt, angry, etc. What you need to do is not date, because you will only hurtself. You need some alone time. Alone time to work on yourself and your needs. Go back to school, hang out with friends, spend time with yourself and love yourself, spend time with your parents, cousins or whoever. Do not try to get her back. You do not know, exactly what happened. No matter what you ask, you may not get an answer. Show her that you can be happy without her, but it will take time. Yes, you will miss her! But you will eventually love being with yourself and not miss her as much. Go to counceling if you have to. Goodluck

- Response by cbearalicious, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Oklahoma City, Medical / Dental

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I was with my beautiful wife Jacqui for 10 years. We split up in Feb 2006 but i still love her more than i can say. People love to tell you to move on but i am happy to love Jacqui from afar. I am not in or looking for another relationship and feel that the time on my own has been very beneficial and has allowed me to grow as a man. Should Jacqui ever decide to give me another chance to make her happy i feel i am now very well equipped to deliver. I am well aware that another chance is very unlikely to come my way but if it did i don't want to be in another relationship with someone who i can assure you i will never lover as much as i do Jacqui. yes you have to learn to accept but what you accept is your choice no matter what people may advise. Good luck to you, i hope it works out for you.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Birmingham

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