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Does he love me? we've been dating 8 months and he hasn't said "i love you" yet.
Dating / 10:41 PM - Friday August 28, 2009

does he love me? we've been dating 8 months and he hasn't said "i love you" yet.

he's done everything that indicates he does love me: i've spent time with his family and he with mine, i've vacationed with his son, we've talked about the future in non-specific terms, we have a great sex life, he's shared intimate fears and concerns with me that he hasn't shared with his best friend, he spends a lot of time with me, we text almost all day long about everything. a few weeks ago we had a misunderstanding where he thought i was looking to get engaged and he said he wanted things to stay how they were 'at least for now', which sounds to me like he's thinking about the future. but he just won't say the words. i'm afraid now to say them first. he's a macho kind of guy - what if i scare him off? we're not kids - in our 40's. i know he's gunshy from his divorce. do i force the issue and flat out ask him how he feels? he gets a little squirrely when i get 'mushy' and i don't want to ruin a good thing, but i need to hear it or i need to know if it isn't there and i'm fooling myself. help?!?

- Asked by Female, 36-45

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I say this from experience. It is my perspective is all. I would highly suggest you slow it down and take more time to get to know each other before you begin to commit... you are in the height of the first stages of love that last the first year/year and a half... after that reality sets in and you begin to see faults and learn in the power stage if you two can be together and are a good pairing.. you have another 8 months to go before you should be committing to life long partnership in my book.. and even then you should be giving it about a year before marriage... I would say he should propose after a year and a half of dating because that is when he should be showing you that he is serious and is concerned for your welfare emotionally..... if he does not, then you can start taking about it more seriously... IJS>. you need to give it more time and be patient....

- Response by timeforanoverhaul, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Managerial

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PS... It does sound like he does love you by the way.. by his actions and by his spending time with you like he is.....

- Response by timeforanoverhaul, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Managerial

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go with the flow continue having fun...don't think about these things or you'll drive yourself nuts, you'll push him away with pressure and you'll end up on match.com for the winter... most importantly, don't ask these questions on here or the women will tell you he's cheating. no really, sounds like he has made you a very big part of his life and he is scared, he will open up when he is ready.

- Response by donnapark62, A Player, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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After 8 months I think it's perfectly fair and reasonable to ask if marriage seems like a possibility for your future. This is YOUR LIFE TOO remember. If he is not on the same page you deserve to know so you can decide your future accordingly. I had dated my now husband for about a year when I asked him this. I said (roughly) "I am not asking for a commitment, but I ultimately do want to remarry at some point. Do you see that as a possibility in our future?" He said yes, and I patiently waited for another year and a half.

- Response by makinit40, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Self-Employed

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Some men do not say the 'I love you' words.
They can not dare utter those emotions out loud.
Perhaps from former hurts, despair,etc,.
Yet, you say his actions represent that he do care deeply for you.
Let that be enough for now.
Afterall, deep down inside, you really do know if what he feels for you is indeed the real thing...
Best of wishes...

- Response by kismet331, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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take your time. le t him come to you when he is ready to commit,otherwise he may feel pressured and that s not a good way to start. enjoy the good thing you have and good luck! ;) he may come around sooner than you expect.

- Response by swtnsxy2, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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I am feeling like I am in the same boat as you. Except, he hasn't had me meet his family yet. But we are in our 50's - he has never been married. He met my kids and spend most all weekends together. But no I love you yet. I am pretty patient but the fact I have not met his family worries me. Any ideas?

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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I am feeling like I am in the same boat as you. Except, he hasn't had me meet his family yet. But we are in our 50's - he has never been married. He met my kids and spend most all weekends together. But no I love you yet. I am pretty patient but the fact I have not met his family worries me. Any ideas?

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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I am feeling like I am in the same boat as you. Except, he hasn't had me meet his family yet. But we are in our 50's - he has never been married. He met my kids and spend most all weekends together. But no I love you yet. I am pretty patient but the fact I have not met his family worries me. Any ideas?

- Response by A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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I know you have spent time with his family and his in yours you have been close to his son for a vacation and you have sex... what is left..... he is confortable with what he has now, I know a woman want to feel secure for the relationship,maybe it is early but Think tha u are being a fool of yourself, you gave everything you have....i WILL be smart and take what he is moving forward to.

- Response by pemby8, A Thinker, Female, 36-45

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if you are in an intimate relationship, you should not feel the need to run around in circles in order to have clear communication.

if you cannot communicate, you cannot be intimate.

perhaps you are making excuses on his behalf? that is what it sounds like from here.

be who you are, and say what you feel. otherwise you will just be existing in His world.


- Response by melodicmermaide, A Thinker, Female, 29-35

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