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I had sex with my twin brother
Sex & Intimacy / 1:51 PM - Friday August 28, 2009

I had sex with my twin brother

I'm now 26 years old. When I was 12 years old I lost my virginity to my twin brother. It's the only time we ever had sex, but before this we did do other stuff to each other, but I think after the sex we both didn't just feel it was wrong but both acknowleged it was wrong.

Now we both agreed never to speak of this again, we got past it and we went on to have 'normal' healthy lifes. He is now getting married and has told his future wife of what happened 14 years ago. She still wants to marry him but doesnt want me in his life at all and says any children they bring into the world I've to have no contact with.

Now I know it was stupid, I was a child and to this day I have no logical reason to why it happened, its something im ashamed of and wish didnt happened, but it did and I've dealt with it, now this. What I do know it was more my brothers idea but i take half the blame as I allowed it to happend, to my regret.

I don't know why my brother had to cast this up, it has only upset the family, I'm only glad that my future sister in law is too ashamed to say why she hates me as it'll look bad on my brother and herself.

I'm very close to my brother, and I mean we have a normal healthy relationship excluding this one incident when we were children. I don't want him to exclude me from his life.

His reason for this btw is he wants to start his marriage on a clean slate no secret, he thought she'd understand as we were children.

Has anyone got advise on what I should do?

- Asked by Female, Who Cares?

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Don't do anything.

You guys did something stupid when you were too young to know better. Your brother was an equal participant and your parents were at least partly responsible for not supervising and educating a little better.

Your brother had a good intent to go into his marriage with a clean slate.

His wife to be sounds like she is blaming you for all of this and treating you like a child molestor, while giving him a free pass as long as he falls in line and does what she says.

I'd feel sorry for your brother. She sounds extremely jealous, controlling, and unreasonable.

Maybe she is just having a bad initial reaction to all this and she will come to her senses.

If not, please show your brother this question.

If she is willing to disown YOU, the sister, from their lives over a mutual thing that happened over a decade ago. How is she going to be the first time your brother falls short of her standards for his fathering abilities?

Don't you think she'll end up branding him abusive, do everything she can to take him for as much as possible and she'll take the kids too?

It is possible that she's just having a bad first reaction to this, and she'll come around. But the way it sounds now, she is not going to be a reasonable, loving, quality wife.

I feel bad for your brother.

You seem like a healthy, emotionally stable woman. Don't let her mess with that ok?

You can't control what she or your brother does... but, just continue to try to be nice and reasonable. Take the high road and hope for the best. If you are nice, that is your best chance of the situation fixing itself in time.

Sorry that you have to go through this.

- Response by wp2007, A Creative, Male, 36-45, Pittsburgh, Artist / Musician / Writer

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You need to call a private, closed, meeting with her and your brother and talk to both of them, but her first.

What happened was was simple sexual exploration that went too far. Obviously you were not correctly supervised and even if you had been it still could have happened!

As for the future sister-in-law, try to explain to her that sweeping it under the carpet at this point will only lead to years of secrecy and family estrangement that will one day blow up in her face anyhow.

Face this head on, honestly and contritely and ALL of you agree to forgive it and forget it once and for all. There is no blame...let go of the were, as you said, just kids.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 56-65, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Community Rating: Community Star

she is going Bridezilla!
she is going to HAVE TO change her mind. HOW are you going to have family reunions, christmas parties, without the kids being around you?
(Lets hope the bitch is barren!haha)
She is being very illogical.
I have the same Judgments placed on me, because I had sex with a dog when I was 9 years old. I was "pretending" I had a husband and play-acting sex with a female dog. We grinded parts and I stuck the end of her tail up in me. I was NINE, my hormones were just coming in and I WANTED A HUSBAND!
so, like people play Barbies, I Played SEX. and I played Stripper a lot, but that is a whole 'nother story. (the most corrupt thing I was exposed to was the show Married..With Children) Nothing weird happened, I was born naturally horny at a very young age.

I think hormones are kicking in for people at a younger age than they know what to do with....

I Lost a good friend when I told her the Dog story. I thought she would be OK with it... i was a CHILD! 9 years old and dumb..
But she freaked and said i am NOT normal and I lost a good friend years back.

What I did was embrace it, It is a truth about ME, I dont have to hide anything... My parents STILL do not know, but I have told a few boyfriends and close friends.

If someone is going to reject you because of something like THAT, they are very shallow and Not worty of your friendship in the first place. You see where their loyalties lie.(with appeasing society and NOT with personal relationships, understanding, putting yourself in someone else's shoes)
That is how Hitler got so many killed, by the soldiers wanting to Please Society and thier Boss.

I am very sorry this is happening to you.

This too Will Pass.
something has got to give.
It is going to be VERY inconvenient for her to keep the kids away from thier Aunt.

My Dad has a "black sheep" of the family, a slutty sister who they DISOWNED. She had a couple kids out of wedlock and Dad's family is CATHOLIC brainwashed bad...
yes, they did disown her completely. that is soo old-fashioned and pointless! It only hurts people. I was told about her by MOM when I turned 18.
After age 18, i was allowed to meet and talk to her. she is actualy pretty cool, she was MODERN ahead of her times. lived with men, tried Pot, I think she ran off to get eloped at one point, had babies out of wedlock, but back in like the 50's! YIKES!

More than likely, she will change her mind?

I really wish the best for you.
There is not anything you can DO to change a person's mind.
You could be a Good moral person and set a good example of who you are NOW?
does SHE go to church and you dont? Might want to examine these things.
DONT FIGHT with her! She is future family...

Ask your brother to talk with her. tell her that everyone has done something stupid they probably shouldn't have done... when you point at someone else, you have three fingers pointing right back at yourself.

If she is this unforgiving of a person, is he sure he wants to marry her? Seems illogical..
PEOPLE MAKE MISTAKES! She has, he has, you have, I have, everyone has.
she needs to LET IT GO!!!

You could PRAY calmly and meditate for her to find forgiveness and not place Judment upon others.

She is placing judgment, which is SIN.
Who is SHE to determine what LEVEL of wrong it was? odd situations occur in life and you just have to make the best of them.
She might have been very sheltered and spoiled..she can't EMPATHISE with you or him.

Well, basically, it is just going to be very hard for her to keep the kids AWAY from you since their father is your brother.
That close of family is HARD to avoid.
It is going to be her burden.

and you know what, when those kids get older, teens and up, they will go TOWARD what is forbidden. every time! rebellious teens.
they'll probably talk to you a lot more when they get into rebellious stage. Oh, you'll be seeing them!
Teens do things just to spite the parents.

You are their Aunt for crying out loud.

This lady is being a Brat, unforgiving, Bridezilla,
I am going to pray for her Character.

- Response by discotrash, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Las Vegas, Other Profession

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and they say there is no moral decay in the world........

- Response by coco, A Hippie Chick, Female, 46-55, Charlotte, Technical

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You are actually a 12 year old boy with a sick and twisted mind!!!

Jerk please!


- Response by fanny500, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Financial / Banking

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wow. If I was this woman I would have ran far from both of you.

- Response by girlpower08, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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Oh my...sometimes going anonymous isn't such a bad thing.

- Response by kasialace51, A Trendsetter, Female, 29-35

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You need to "whoop his Ass" for being such a fucking pussy and telling his wife some shit like that. Is he the one with the nuts or you. Some shit just needs to be left unsaid and that was one of those things.

- Response by handsomedetroitguy, A Father Figure, Male, 36-45, Detroit, Political / Government

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Why did I get a jerk? I was asking legit questions?PM me about this please.I am not showing disrespect at all.

- Response by bushy4499, A Jock, Male, 22-25, Who Cares?

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Wow. There's really nothing you can do.

This is up to your brother to handle. He needs to somehow explain to his fiance that this childhood incident has no bearing on your present relationship. That you both agreed it was wrong, and it never happened again afterward. And that neither one of you should be punished now just because he was being honest about it with her.

She's shocked by what happened (as most people would be) and maybe just needs time to resolve it in her mind. Maybe your brother could get her to agree to some family counseling toward this end.

But she has no right to expect that just because she's upset, that she can actually exclude you from your brother's life and the lives of their future children. That's just ridiculous.

- Response by piscesrising, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Boston, Internet / New Media

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""What happened was was simple sexual exploration that went too far. Obviously you were not correctly supervised and even if you had been it still could have happened!""

True, true. exploration went TOO FAR. lack of constant supervision. this is how kids get INTO these situations. Kids to weird and stupid things! ALL kids!
Call that lady's momma and find out what wacky crap SHE did as a toddler and child! hahahaha!!

- Response by discotrash, A Career Woman, Female, 29-35, Las Vegas, Other Profession

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u probably should not talk about it on here

- Response by bigcurt, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 56-65, Pittsburgh, Self-Employed

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Obviously what you did as a 12 year old is highly concerning for your future SIL; and she's reacting to it. Can't say she's overreacting because if my fiance said that to me, he (and his whole family) need counseling and I wouldn't be rushing to the aisle with him either. It's wrong for her to blame you alone, when you both did something equally stupid; but she is right to be concerned. Usually incest is an indicator not of child's play but of some deeper family issue or mental issue. Most "normal" people with parents who give a crap know you don't explore sex with your sibling. I have one brother and I can tell you I've NEVER felt inclined to explore with him. My advice is to stay out of it, it's between him and her. He needs to choose because this is obviously something his fiancee is sticking to.

- Response by lioness21, A Player, Female, 29-35, Consulting

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I just want to say that I really appreciate you puting this up.
No one is perfect.
You both made a Mistake.

None of you should be making her feel bad. She is being honest and looking for advice.
If you think she is messed today(the incident was YEARS ago!! She was a CHILD!), clearly you have a selfish mind and you must Obviously be Mary Poppins if you are that perfect.

take care

- Response by amandamac88, A Thinker, Female, 26-28, Regina

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I'm gonna get whomped for this, but I think you did a beautiful thing. I'm sick of John Nelson Darby and The Plymouth Brethren still controlling societal mores. I'm an only child, and always dreamed of having a sweet sister, and of being her lover. You did nothing wrong, child. You did nothing wrong. We love whomever we love.

- Response by morethanafeeling, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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your sister-in-law needs to shake herself, this happened because 2 pre-teens were curious, she is the one with the loose screw if you ask me.

- Response by hotair, A Father Figure, Male, 66 or older, New Orleans, Transportation

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It sounds like your future SIL is not seeing BOTH sides of the situation and realizing that you and your brother were both involved and you didn't seduce him or he didn't seduce you and that you were both 'exploring'...although your brother was trying to start his marriage off with a clean slate, he may have 'cleaned' more than just his conscience and you need to speak to your SIL about the 'issues' she has with you because no matter how hard she may try to avoid it, or how hard you might try to avoid it, there is always going to be family get-togethers and if you don't show up to them, your family is going to be wondering what is going on and then you or your brother or your SIL is going to have to tell...besides, you are a part of the family and to be totally honest, the future SIL has NO right to 'force' you to stay away from your own to her and let her know that no matter what, you have every right to be at family get-togethers and you have every right to be a part of your future nieces/nephew's lives...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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WTF is going on !!!!!!

- Response by irishred28, A Life of the Party, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Well most "normal" people would be concerned to involve their children with those who practiced incest while growing up. These things have a way of being repeated from generation to generation. So his future wife is wise to show concern! Actually I'm suprised that she discounted the behavior of your brother so quickly and is putting all of this on you. Both of you participated in this relationship.

I sure hope that both of you have gone through some extensive counseling regarding this issue! If not, then maybe it's time you both do, as well your brother will probably need to seek pre-marital counseling as well as parenting classes when the time comes.

- Response by kdtxchic30, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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How did it even happen that you were doing other things before then? You mean jerking him off and giving him head too?

- Response by bushy4499, A Jock, Male, 22-25, Who Cares?

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I'm sorry but I'm actually a little concerned for any children he may have....

- Response by almostcoolmom4, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, New York, Other Profession

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