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Active Questions

Have you ever been disowned by a family member?
Family & Parenting / 2:09 PM - Monday August 24, 2009

Have you ever been disowned by a family member?

I just got off the phone with my brother, He said he has disowned me and to never call again.
He wanted my son for a few days and i said no because my brother drinks alot and I don't feel safe with my son at his house. He said alot of hurtful things and hung up.

- Asked by babygirlstar81, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, New York, Self-Employed

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Want me to go over and beat him up?

- Response by nomayo, A Life of the Party, Male, 29-35, Fitness

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I moved 1,000 miles to get away from my toxic family.

Your brother is an alcoholic. You are correct to not let your son spend unsupervised time with him.

- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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He's probably drunk right now. I wouldn't have let my son go either. If he wants to play that game, two can play...don't call him.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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I haven't been disowned but I was considered "the skeleton in the closet" by my family when I was the first to get a divorce.
Funny thing...a lot of them divorced afterward. Guess I inadvertently paved the way.

You're the Mama; it's your job to protect your child no matter WHOSE feelings get "hurt" by it. You did the right thing.

- Response by jenny12, A Career Woman, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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not that i know of, but i have seen family members "disowned" by one another and it generally lasts only until they cool off.

- Response by samanthab, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55

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You did the right thing. You could be in trouble if you did let your son go with him and not be sure of his safety. That's what's really important.

- Response by monicaonthebeach, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35, Body Work

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You did the right thing.

- Response by seductivepisces9, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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I may have and they didnt tell me. no, you made the right decision, since brother drinks a lot. I'm sure he'll regret those hateful things he said...and ask for forgiveness. families can hurt us at times. sorry

- Response by A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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For some reason you remind me of my sister.

- Response by greenwind, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, Construction

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You are right to protect your son from your brother, his uncle. I had a lover once who was a "stone alcholic" and he would beg and plead with the mother of his child to have his son come and stay with us for a few days. He never treated the son with any true respect and always ignored him. He did not clean after him and he would do things to manipulate using the son as a pawn. I know that this hurts you a great deal, but your son is and will always take precedent in your life.

- Response by eriq68, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Los Angeles

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Yes, and I have come to realize that sometimes it has to be that way.

- Response by clueless37, An Alternative Girl, Female, 46-55, Celebrity

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I haven't been . . . but I've practically "disowned" my sister. I haven't talked to her in 15 years. While I have no desire to see or talk to her, I probably will "reconcile" with her at some point . . . forgiveness is a virtue.

- Response by carinabay, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Lawyer

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My uncle and aunt have totally disowned us. When we lost the house, they were rude and condescending to us, even though we did everything we could to save it. We're an embarrassment to the family, a dirty secret. They are all rolling in money and not once offered to help (we never, ever asked either).

- Response by italiangypsy, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Philadelphia, Managerial

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I have been disowned by my mother but its ok. You have to stand up for your children and I think you made the right decision. He'll either get over it or he won't. Maybe he was drunk enough he won't remember.

- Response by ajeepgirl67, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Medical / Dental

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Your brother has to take responsibility for his own actions. You are absolutely correct to refuse to "share" your son with him!

I have had to keep my husband's brother out of our sons lives as much as possible too. He's an alcoholic, and a totally immature male over the age of 50 who never "grew up", period.

Stay strong and let your brother be the one to wake up, get clean, and reapproach you if he EVER decides to take responsibility. Addicts are not "okay" to watch kids.

- Response by ocelotspot, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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I have recently been disowned by my mother because i moved out of her house and now she's telling my family lies and stuff and shes acting hurts but i dont think its forever....he'll come around eventually but you did the right thing so dont feel would feel worse if you let your son go and something happened to him

- Response by karamelheart, A Hip Hop Girl, Female, 22-25, Hospitality

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stick to your guns - do not put your child in a harmful situation. your brother may not intend any harm, but being careless causes accidents too. I am proud of you for protecting your son - don't take to heart a few curse words; they are a small price to pay for safety.

- Response by ruffian, A Sportif, Female, 36-45

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Yes, I've had sisters who disowned me because they didn't 'approve' of choices I made or like things that I was doing...I abided by their wanting me never to darken their doorway and it wasn't until I started taking care of our parents that they 'realized' how immature they were being and 'apologized' for their behaviour...let me just say that when/if you stand your ground and hold strong to your beliefs, your family will see just how much strength you possess and realize that they don't need to 'look out' for were right in not allowing your son to be around his drunken uncle and one day, your brother will see that what you did was for the safety of your child...:D

- Response by fastball, A Cool Mom, Female, 36-45, Edmonton, Self-Employed

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Yes. My father, of all people, disowned me. There's a book in my brain about this. But in essence, he was a widower for a few years, a little depressed and lonely, but my family stayed in his life. He met this woman more than half his age. He was 67 at the time. He kept it a secret, but I kept seeing changes in his home everytime I went to visit him. I just asked him what was going on, and after playing 20 questions with him, he told me that he was moving a woman that he met a few months ago into his house. The problem was complicated when he told me that she had a teenage son. I was bringing my toddler daughter over to spend the day with him once a week, and I didn't know anything about these people. So I told my father that he could see my daughter, his granddaugter, anytime that he wanted, but that I would not bring her over there. He chose his new girlfriend over his family. He died a few years ago, and the last time he saw his granddaughter was 2 1/2 years before. And that was the last time his granddaughter saw him.

- Response by rhunt0210, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Other Profession

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i have someone i choose not to have a relationship with becasue of his actions. does that count?

- Response by maniacalme, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Executive

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Stand your ground, you are right in your refusal to hand over your son. Write to him in a week or two and lay it on the line for him. Tell him you will always love him and miss him but the safety of your child will always come first.

- Response by oneirishwitch, A Married Girl, Female, 56-65, Artist / Musician / Writer

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Sorry to hear that happenned. Your brother is an alcoholic. You absolutely did the right thing. It's your job to protect your son and thats exactly what you did. I wouldn't give too much weight to what your brother said...Maybe one day he'll realize he has a problem and your son will get a chance to meet the real him until then push it to the back of your mind. Do not take it personally his statemnt in no way was a reflection of you.

- Response by almostcoolmom4, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, New York, Other Profession

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No, but ive disowned them.

You did the right thing in my opinion. Maybe he'll come around, maybe not. But at least you have the comfort of knowing your son is safe and not with some alcoholic.

- Response by An Alternative Girl, Female, 22-25

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I'm so sorry that happened to you, b. If he's into getting soused as a hobby, I'm sure the situation will lighten, then grow heavy once more. Maybe it has already. Been there, blahblah.
My families are fairly good-sized, HUGE on Mom's side. Not one of them, and I have about 40 1st cousins (total) alone, gives a crap about me. I wouldn't say they *disowned* me; they never wanted the product in the first place.
Dad's family viewed me as a kind of laboratory element, or human influenza, after the divorce. A few still luuuuuved my Mom, but I was tolerated until legal age. Nothing more.
Mom's family viewed me as a effete snob, largely because I was the "city cousin", and due to--I admit-- a, well, "putting on of airs"...*when I was about 7 or 8*. Again. My Mom was Queen Victoria. Me? Tolerated until legal age. Etc. and thus.
babygirl, if the bottle don't toast him, he'll be back--this is a week in now, maybe he is. Drunks are what they are. He's still your brother; from time to time, he may even act like it. Me? I'm an only child. Pop dead, Mom dying. A million faces that know mine, who would rather--apparently--not . No, b, I wasn't disowned. I'm still very much on the shelf.

- Response by morethanafeeling, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Artist / Musician / Writer

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I'm so sorry to hear this. I know you are only trying to protect your son, and GOOD for you! My brother just 2 days ago told me he will never speak to me again, because I will not travel (900 miles) to NY, and "enable" my drunk sister who just got evicted. He wants me to get her an Apt., with him as a co-signer (not sure how that would work out) get her SS checks deposited to his account, sell her car, cancel her insurance, get a mover, get her cable etc. I had to deal with her when she lived here in TN, and got evicted 4 years ago. She's not only a drunk but a hoarder. I simply can't go through this again with her!! So, for my own sanity, I have to say goodbye to my brother. So sad, but I'm disgusted that HE hasn't offered to go do all the dirty work himself. Stay strong, and pray that someday this will work out for you and your family.

- Response by anneprince, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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