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Any suggestions a 42 year In love but afraid to commit? PS, he's never been married.
Dating / 11:54 AM - Thursday August 20, 2009

Any suggestions a 42 year In love but afraid to commit? PS, he's never been married.

I've been dating this guy from a singles site for over 3 months. He's in the process of selling his condo to move out of New Jersey to start a new life in Florida. I know he loves me. I know ALL of his friends and have met Mom (who LOVES me). Hes very close with her and she invited me for dinner next week. PROBLEM: Hes terrified to make a commitment. Its not other woman. Im SOO confused as he says things like "when we get married" and when we get a boat. Its always "we" but he wont say, lets not see other people. When I mention it, he gets angry when I say not to be upset if I go on a date. He insists that if he met me before he planned to move he would marry me and still talks about getting me a ring (which is way to soon only dating 3 months). Why is he afraid to spend more than a night a week together. Yes the sex is off the charts but he says he can take care of himself. He doesnt need other woman. WHY IS HE SO TERRIFIED. Im tired of spending time by myself so I broke it off. Then I get a call that his mom wants to have me over for a special dinner. WHAT IS UP WITH THIS SITUATION???? He tells me how amazing I am but wont spend to much time together. He says it will just make it harder when he leaves. THEN HE ASKS ME TO COME WITH HIM. THIS IS WAY TO CONFUSING for an average woman who is not into drama. Im giving him space to see what he really wants, then on his facebook page he writes the Elvis song "Im so lonely I could die". I DONT GET IT??? HELP PLEASE!! He says everytime he gets into a relationship he gets hurt. NO KIDDING, no pain no gain. Who hasnt been hurt.

- Asked by gracecamacho, A Cool Mom, Female, 46-55, Other Profession

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Well, maybe when he moves and has more time to be alone he will then discover he doesn't want to live without you and will ask you then to come down. Then you can make plans for a visit to see how things go in a different setting. Maybe he's a mama's boy and just needs to make that break. I don't blame you for your actions, I would find that very frustrating. Time will tell. Just be patient.

- Response by englishrose4945, A Life of the Party, Female, 66 or older, Miami, Alternative Medicine

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Whoa, Grace -- you need to slow down, girl friend!

You've only been dating for three months. At our age -- there is no rush -- it's not like the baby clock is ticking for us.

My recommendation is for you and he to date for a minimum of two complete years before decided on a life long committment. He has alot of other things going on in his life at the present time. Give him time for it to all settle out.

If you think he is the man of your dreams, you should NOT be dating other gentlemen.



- Response by utahmom, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Managerial

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Community Rating: Community Star

You're dealing with a MAN-CHILD. He hasn't finished growing up, and at this rate, he may never.
It's a sad fact, that we've raised three generations of men now, and working on a fourth, whose main adult influences are WOMEN.
How can a boy grow into a *real* man, if he's never met one?

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

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Peter pan syndrom hunny.....He likes to have his cake and eat it too....What I am trying to say is. He's a player....Been there done that...He loves the sex with you and loves the sex with other women and he doesn't want to let that part go....thats why he doesn't want to commit.

- Response by batman1017, A Creative, Female, 26-28, Who Cares?

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You need to start dating other men.

- Response by sleeksasy06, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

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Talking about marriage in a serious context with a woman he has only known three months and isn't even exclusive with is called pillow talk. Of course he would invite you to abandon your life and move to Florida because you would be convenient while he continues to play the field. It isn't like his life gets wrecked in the process. It is the type of offer a soulless player makes.

Speaking of soulless players... You can't tell me you are any better. You know this guy 3 months and your are drooling over the prospect of marrying him and having him support a life of luxury in Florida with a new house and a big boat. Heck, if it doesn't work out you take half his money and still win big.

This is why I have taken marriage off the negotiating table. If I need to sign over half my life savings to prevent a woman from dumping me then she can't possibly be sincere about loving me.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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