Back to Home

Active Questions

Should I move across the country & leave a job offer behind to be with long distance boyfriend?
Dating / 9:32 AM - Tuesday August 18, 2009

Should I move across the country & leave a job offer behind to be with long distance boyfriend?

I've been offered a job in NYC for a BIG company with huge growth potential while working as a temp for the past 7 mos. Ideally, I planned to move to California to be with my long distance bf since I assumed the job will not turn permanent.

Now that it has, I'm completely torn with this decision. I've lived in the northeast all my life & would only know my bf in CA if I moved.

Considering the job market & the state of the economy, can anyone please provide some thoughts as to what they would do? Any feedback will help tremendously, thanks! Oh, and he can't move to NYC due to job.

- Asked by Female, 29-35

Read more about the Rating System


If you have not spent a lot of with him in the past year I would'nt go.You know what you have here.You only know what you wished could be there.

- Response by frenchkiss49, A Thinker, Female, 56-65, Tampa, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


If you follow your heart that might not leave you wondering. Then there's also you don't know him so maybe just stay here and see what plays out.

- Response by tazblue76, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Home Maker

Rating Received:


what do you and your bf plan on doing once you get to CA to be with him?
if you two are planning to get married and have children and if that is your dream, you would want to leave the job?
if thats not the case and you're not sure of your relationship...
i would definitely stay and take the great offer!!!

- Response by laylayla, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


Why are you able to give up your great job and move for him, but he is not able to give up his job and move for you? What is this job he has that is onyl avaliable in California? Is he the state governor or something? Clearly right now you are both in the (unanticipated) posution where neither of you really wants to leave jobs that are fulfilling, enjoyable and stable. It's probably a huge step for either of you to leave your friends and family and move accross the country. Things have changed for you since you agreed to move for him, in that you have now been offered a hot job. Accept the job and tell him you need more time to work out which of you is going to be moving where. Both of you should take long vacations to see the other, and BOTH of you should apply for jobs in the other state (you in Cali, him in NYC). I dont think either of you should be making a move at this point. Let him know that a move is still on the table, but just not right away, as thought. If he cant deal with that, he's noth worth the move anyway.

- Response by dai3sy, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Toronto, Student

Rating Received:



I wont go into all the rhetoric about LD relationships and how things change so dramatically when you're finally face to face....

Good job with big potential for growth.... TAKE THE JOB.









- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

Rating Received:


i moved to be with my long distance boyfriend. we've dated for a year and became serious and had plans to marry in the future, but we decided one of us had to move to make this work in the long run. i saw that his job was considered to be more of a career job, so i had to give up my job (an entry level at the time), and find something else where my boyfriend lived. it was easier for me to start over than it was for him. and i made sure that he'd make the same commitment for me if the roles were switched. i can only speak from my experience that this is working out for us after a lot of adjusting, but is working only because we had a commitment to each other already.

i'm not sure about your case, you didn't mention how long you have been dating him but i assume it's very serious? could you possibly work in NYC first and then transfer to CA? if not, there are things to consider if you did decide to move, you may never find the same great job in California and end up resenting him for it, or you may feel too dependent on him since you do not know anybody there and he will feel like he's babysitting 24/7.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, 29-35

Rating Received: