Back to Home

Active Questions

Rich man, poor man whats wrong with dating a nice poor man?
Dating / 7:33 AM - Tuesday August 18, 2009

Rich man, poor man whats wrong with dating a nice poor man?

I have been dating a really nice guy for a few months - however, I don't know where the future is going. He does not have a career and is really a musician. So to make ends meet he works all kinds of odd jobs. He is super interesting and good to me. He does'nt have much money for dates but he does pay wherever we go. My friends are pressuring me to drop him. They say there is no future with a guy who does not make money. I work and make more than him by far and I don't make that much! I was married to a wealthy guy who was super stingy and controlling in a loveless marriage. So, I feel lucky that I found someone that I like to be with. They say to dump him for someone more stable with a home and career because I will end up supporting this guy if we stay together and in the future try to build a life together.

- Asked by Female, 36-45

Read more about the Rating System


I believe that true love and connection is rare, and we should hold on to it where we find it. Money is not everything (not even close to love in my opinion). I am in a similar position, I love a man who is on a sickness pension due to a long term health problem. I know that if I commit long term, I will probably be the one to have to work, its doubtful that he will. But I love him, and things feel right when we are together. That is what matters.

- Response by sunset77, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


That last time I picked and choosed my men based on what my friends thought I was in 11th grade. You are in my age group, do what you want.

- Response by mare65, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Who Cares?

Rating Received:

Community Rating: Community Star

Your friends are only concerned that the "burden" of support will fall on your shoulders if you decide to "share" a domicile/bills with this fella. In your age range, (and his) he is still flying by the seat of his pants when it comes to "adult" responsibilities such as finances. Being a musician is a noble cause, but at some point if it isn't covering "life" then a more "realistic" approach has to be discussed and followed. Most "musicians" are unable to "support" themselves on music alone and have to have "full-time" careers/jobs in order to do so. Has he considered a degree in music? It takes 2 years to get an Associate Degree in Music that can be applied in a more realistic manner that would allow for the 2 of you to "share" a life more easily, without adding the extra stress of the financial burden falling to only one partner. Some community colleges offer scholarships if he will play in their band. A full scholarship. That means they pay for all the music classes. It's worth looking into. If it is such a passion then he sincerely needs to find a better avenue for it to grow and support himself. I wouldn't "break it off" with him, it sounds like the emotional connection is great, I would just be realistic and realize that unless he is unable to change his income for the better then he won't be a good choice to "share" the financial responsibilities with. :)

- Response by txsewbunny101, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Student

Rating Received:


You can worry about that, all you'd like... and listen
to your so-called friends talk their shit, or be happy.

I'm a musician, so... I don't have that much money either.
I love a S/O that loves me, & we don't even live together,

She works in health care... and, she makes HER OWN money...
She doesn't even worry about MINE! ...I'm on disability!

I live on approximately $800/month, and I DO WELL with that.
but, YOU married money before, where'd THAT get you? ~ijs~

- Response by geester, A Creative, Male, 46-55, Celebrity

Rating Received:


your friends can give u dumb advice... do u have to jump off the cliff if they tell u to do so? of course not! it's your life, your heart and your soul. You never know what future holds, don't listen to your friends. I've been the happiest with poor man... money can't buy happiness. 100% proved

- Response by chichek, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Moscow, Other Profession

Rating Received:


i have witnessed a lot of women who have had a relationship with a musician. they eventually dropped them because they are lazy and have a dream of doing it full time. he will mooch from you.

i know a lot of lazy guys who started a band, so, they can find women to support them and manufacture a fake dream for them to believe in.

if you do settle down with him you two will be broke because he will refuse to get a full time job. just enjoy the times you will spend with him and realize the long term consequences of settling down with am aspiring musician: broke and lazy.

- Response by itsbeenalongtime, A Player, Male, 36-45, Who Cares?

Rating Received:


I reckon you wowuld be supporting this guy and it would be a you guys vs everyone else kind of thing. If your ok with that and don't mind not having the more expensive things then go for it. Sounds like your looking for an emotional companion more so and he sounds like the guy.

- Response by croft1423, A Sportif, Female, 26-28, Student

Rating Received:


He could be me!
My last partner is a divorced, executive-Stepford wifey-type, and accustomed to Living Well. I'm a self employed tradesman, and she was a client. Her friends could see past the image issue, and they were all thrilled when we hooked up. They were likewise bummed when she called it quits.
My friend's Brilliant Career has now tanked, her life is in free-fall, but I'm maintaining myself like always.

Don't count on things staying the same forever.

- Response by chesterdad, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 56-65, San Francisco

Rating Received:


If he makes you happy, then go for it. As long as you dont make money an issue if your relationship goes into a marriage. I was recently dating a 30 year old man who only has a high school diploma, is NOT empolyed, as NO place of his own to live, and NO car. At first I thought it was okay but after about a month, I got real tired of taking him where he needed to go, and hearing him say he didnt have this and that. I didnt want to date a SON, I want a MAN. So its more like, whatever floats your boat.

- Response by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 29-35

Rating Received: