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Active Questions

After dating 6 years do I deserve a ring or some type of promise for a future together?
Dating / 8:27 PM - Thursday August 13, 2009

After dating 6 years do I deserve a ring or some type of promise for a future together?

Both divorced, I want marriage after dating 6 years, he doesn't.

- Asked by A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65

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If he really doesn't want to get married then you have to accept that and continue with the relationship that you have, knowing that it won't change. Or let it go because being married is important to you....

- Response by destinyseeker, A Career Woman, Female, 36-45, Teaching

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I would take the fact that he is still with you after six years as a VERY good sign. And just keep having fun :) Marriage is overrated. Just keep reading all the posts on here.

- Response by honey1306, A Thinker, Female, 29-35, Denver, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

sounds like you guys DEFINITELY need to talk about what you both expect.

personally, i feel you DO deserve at least a promise/engagement ring. but that's up to you guys to decide. and if he's that scared of commitment, then i'm sorry to say you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. you CAN however sell it to the glue factory. maybe its time to start thinking along those lines. a useless horse is only a burden.

- Response by pizzatroll, A Mr. Nice Guy, Male, 46-55, Science / Engineering

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When it comes to love there is no such thing as getting what you think you deserve just for that reason. the whole nature of love is to put your desire second to person you have feelings for. As for a ring... He doesn't want to get married. Why would you want a ring from someone who after six years of loving you doesn't want to be with you forever? If you are looking for a guarantee you know that can't happen with or without a ring. I personally feel like if after six years he is not into you enough to make the arrangement forever there is really no point to be with him. I am not saying he is bad. But you obviously don't want the same things and that can be the down fall of any relationship. The choice is obviously yours to make. But I would not want to force someone into an engagement or marriage he didn't want or allow myself to be kept from one I did want. There are many other men out there. You just have to look for the good ones.

- Response by A Married Girl, Female, 36-45, Home Maker

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Deserve? What exactly does that mean.. Deserve?

Why do people think they automatically "deserve" something.. just because they want it?

You want marriage.
He does not.

That's pretty cut & dry.

There's no "deserve" here.

- Response by steve67, A Rebel, Male, Who Cares?

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Do you deserve it? Probably.
Does he have to give you one? Nope

- Response by diamondsnrust00, A Thinker, Female, 26-28

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Sounds like you're at a stale mate. Stand your ground or forget about marrying him.

- Response by cubbiegal, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Chicago, Administrative

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Can't speak for anyone else ..... I most likely won't ever get married again. Live together, have long term monogamous relationship, absolutely. True marriage is between you, your partner, your hearts and your God. The legal ceremony is for tax purposes and who owns what if you should ever split. I do happen to know of many wommen our age on here that also have no particular desire to "make it legal".

- Response by singledad281, An Intellectual Guy, Male, 46-55, Houston, Hospitality

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nobody "deserves" anything. what makes you different from him? does he "deserve" his complete autonomy and a single life? if he does, then who are you to demand that he give it up so that your sense of entitlement can be realized?

- Response by two469, An Alternative Girl, Female, 18-21, Seattle, Science / Engineering

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If you think you deserve a ring, buy it yourself!

If you want to get married & he doesn't, then why are you still with him after 6 years? Why haven't you moved on? He doesn't want to get married! Did he know you wanted to get married from the beginning? Did he say he wanted marriege then change his mind? Or are you just hoping that he'll just change his mind & marry you eventually because it's been 6 years?

Sorry to sound so harsh but it sounds like you both have different wants. Good luck...

- Response by fbomb101, A Life of the Party, Female, 36-45, Boston, Managerial

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Um, 'the time in' doesn't really count for shit... sorry. its how you treat him that matters. My last gf had '4 years in', of course, she liked to get pissed off over nothing and disappear for weeks at a time too. But somehow still felt she deserved a ring/marriage from me even though her behavior dictated otherwise. Heck we actually lived together for six weeks... two of those I didn't even know where she was, she'd just up and leave cause she was pissed and be gone for 5 days or whatever. So, till I hear how great you are to him and not how many years you've been dating would I decide that you DESERVE a ring. I've never met a guy that wouldn't get married if the woman was good to him.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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Deal breaker... At this point if he is not going to marry you, then time to move on.

If my guy handed me a "marry me" or else, we would have to part company. I am not interested in re-marrying. I was not very good at it Round 1.

- Response by A Career Woman, Female, Who Cares?, Los Angeles, Self-Employed

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The question shouldnt be do you "deserve" one?? That sounds like you are to be rewarded for being with him. It should be is he ready for anything like that and if after 6 yrs hes not, then where is the r/s going if anywhere.

- Response by 1sassychic, A Married Girl, Female, 46-55, Student

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I'm sorry, you don't.

He's made it clear that he doesn't want marriage, so why would you expect a ring from him?

You need to decide whether you can live with the relationship as it is, or if marriage is a dealbreaker for you.

If you need marriage, then this isn't the man for you.

I "do" understand. I was in a long term relationship with the same issue...we're not together anymore. :(

- Response by mamom04, A Sweet Sarah, Female, 56-65, Phoenix

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count your blessings or move on !

- Response by kitkat19, A Thinker, Female, 56-65

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would you accept a verbal promise with no financial recourse or are you looking for financial opportunity?

- Response by A Career Man, Male, 46-55, New York, Who Cares?

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