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If you knew a guy that is 45 years old, never married (even though he's always wanted to
Married Life / 2:24 PM - Tuesday August 11, 2009

If you knew a guy that is 45 years old, never married (even though he's always wanted to

get married and have a family) would you see this as a huge red flag? He has dated A LOT of women.

- Asked by Female, Who Cares?

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I thought the same thing, I have 3 good friends all are in their late 40's and neither has been married or has children. They are normal guys maybe a little quirky. The only thing I can say about men or women who stay single and live alone, usually they get set in their ways.

- Response by scent, A Creative, Female, 46-55, Chicago, Technical

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Well then apparently.. he hasn't dated the RIGHT woman, yet.

Holy shit.. some of you women just go out of your way, to look for shit to call a 'red flag' and stay single.

And then you complain about there being "no good men".

You crack me up.

- Response by steve67, A Rebel, Male, Who Cares?

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Community Rating: Community Star

I don't think I would see it as a red flag it would make me ask more questions though. He might just be waiting on the right woman, or he might have gotten burned really bad and has a hard time with trust.
I have a freind that is 38 and he is a great guy has a great job and is very nice looking. He was going to get married and about a month before the wedding he caught her in his bed with another man. He has a very hard time letting himself get close to someone now. He would love to have a family as well and has dated since this happened (this happened about 10 years ago).

- Response by nikki_coffman, Female, 36-45, Managerial

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He just hasn't found the right woman. He could have date a thousand woman and still not found the one he is looking for or wanted. NO, I wouldn't say it was a red flag..more like he wants to make sure he has the right one.

- Response by barbb, An Alternative Girl, Female, Who Cares?, Other Profession

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Only if I was looking for a committment from him, then of course the red flag would be waving high,

he is probably self sufficent and likes a variety of women..I'm guessing. could be a cofirmed bachelor. or maybe he's never been truly in love.

- Response by A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Chicago

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Yes. Big one. I know a man in his 60's who has never been married, but he has also never been particularly interested in living anything other than a total bachelor, celibate existence. That's fine, as he's not on the so-called dating "market," anyway.

The three men I've dated who reached their 40's without ever getting married were another matter. They *were* on the "market," and frankly, probably should not have been. One of them -- by far the most psychologically messed up of the trio -- had not only never been married, he had never lived with a woman and had never even had a relationship that lasted more than about a year. Most of his "long term relationships," as he thought of them, lasted more along the lines of three or four months. A man who thinks of a four month relationship as "long term," is living in a strange little world and is not good relationship material for a normal, mentally healthy woman. That's the mindset of a high school kid, at best.

More than marriage, per se, is the question of a person's ability to do the work necessary of a long term relationship. If a 45 year old man had never been 'officially' married, but had lived with someone for several years -- even if it didn't ultimately work out -- I would at least know that he has some notion of what's involved in building and maintaining a substantive life with another person. He may still not be viable, but there's at least a hope that he 'get's it'. If he can't demonstrate through past action that he 'get's it', chances are really good that he doesn't. In that case, chances are better than not that you'll be no more than another body added to his endless, decades-long string of four-month "serious" girlfriends.

- Response by pandorasfault, A Thinker, Female, 46-55, Teaching

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Surely by 45 years old he would have met one woman who was marriage material. Yes big flag...usually these men have some issues. Rosey

- Response by roseytalks, A Thinker, Female, Who Cares?, Tampa, Who Cares?

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Only if he never had a longterm committed relationship. If he has had serious relationships, but they just never progressed to marriage I would still date him if I were you. It may not be his fault those relationships didn't work. But if he never had a real relationship or anything past 6 months, dump his ass. Most likely a confirmed bachelor and will stay the same forever.

- Response by silver75, A Thinker, Female, 36-45, Stockholm, Other Profession

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This is more of an inkblot test that you make of it what you want to make of it. From the spin you put on your question I would guess you were in a highly dysfunctional relationship for over 10 years and then went dateless for several more years and you think that says something positive about your character. I would also guess that this is a guy who isn't in to you or you aren't in to him or you know a relationship isn't a real possibility otherwise you wouldn't be looking for justifications in obscure things for why a relationship with him isn't happening.

- Response by bailarenfuego, A Guy Critical, Male, 46-55, Technical

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Is he Hugh Grant? I'd take a chance on Hughie. Although I think he is 47 now.

- Response by feralberyl, A Creative, Female, 56-65, Columbus, Other Profession

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Well, I'd be more likely to give a woman a chance who's 45 and never married versus one that has been married and divorced 4 times.

I was talking to women the other day. Y'all seem very "impressed" by the fact a man can 'make the commitment' to get married... But could care less about whether you yourselves, or even them, 'live up to that commitment'.

He may have never been married cause he could never find a woman who he believed would actually live up to the commitment of marriage. Why get married if you feel like she'd divorce you over leaving the toilet seat up a year from now.

Women... If you want commitment from us... Live up to the commitment when you get it. All those 'excuses' you throw around after you file for divorce... We know they're just 'excuses' to try and cover up the fact you can't live up to your commitments.

- Response by An Intellectual Guy, Male, 36-45, Teaching

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